51: Rushing in

*Skye*

While Ben left me feeling sated, I have been unable to fall asleep after he left. I have rung for Cullie and dressed for dinner, although I do not much like dining alone. Now feeling rather like a wraith, I wander through the hallways striving to get a better sense of the place. The difference between this residence and the country one is striking. Not a single door is locked. I don’t need keys to access anything. Every room, even the ones not in use, holds flowers. But they don’t hold what I am truly searching for: company.

I miss Ben, damn it all. Something about the night makes me all the more lonely and bereft, makes me question if I should be here not so much in New York, but with him.

While living in New York, I harbored so many dreams of love. Once I left, I thought I would give up on them, but they are working hard to surface. The love of my child would be enough to sustain me, or so I hoped, because I am finding myself yearning for the love of a man.

I make my wa