NINETY-SEVEN

ELLEN

I woke up alone. I knew that I had slept alone last night. I knew when Oliver came in last night. I didn't understand the feelings that were running inside me. I knew he was the only one I felt safe around after my attack, but when I was calm enough, I didn't know if I wanted to trust him that much. I still didn't know how to face him with a clear eye.

I wanted to tell him about Tony, not to get even, but to remove this heave from my chest. Tony texted me last night when I was still in the living room with Lily, and I did not even tell her about it. I headed straight into the room, feeling worse. I thought about suicide, but I also thought about Sophie. I could not let her go through that pain because of my mistakes.

I wept a little in the bathroom, with the showers on, so that everyone would feel I was taking a shower. I contemplated using the razor on the counter to cut myself until I bled out, but I couldn't. I tried Oliver's number, but it was switched off. I wanted to s