Chapter Fifty Six

Sleeping is a futile effort. I toss and turn, my mind boggling with a thousand unsaid words and unexpressed emotions. Finally, I give up and sit up on the bed, throwing the covers off and going to stand by the window. It's almost 3am and I've not slept a wink. My mind keeps going back to Alex and each time, I'm left wondering if I've done the right thing. I hurt him, I saw it so very clearly. And yet….yet but comforting him, I'd be baring my own soul. Is this how it's always going to be? With me having to throw more people under the bus to protect my own self? I sigh softly and wrap my lavender silk robe tighter around myself.

I consider going down the hall to his room. He's a light sleeper and would wake up on the very first knock. But then….what would I say? I wince mentally and run a hand through my hair. It's true that there's that small part of me that's vindictive but….but I don't want to use him. I acknowledge the fact that I do bask in his attention. He still has my heart and