"You're not useless." Lilie I do not know why I am still alive, and how many times have I tried to end my life. But here I am, eyes wide open and crying again. I looked at my wrist when I saw that it had a bandage again. I remember what happened last night and just laughed. Why every time I hurt myself he is always there for me. He was there to save me. Isn't he tired? Isn't he exhausted? Doesn't he get angry every time I push him away from me? Isn't he irritated? I don’t know why he does all this even though he doesn’t know me? I don't even know his name. I slowly stepped on the floor and went to the bathroom to look at myself again. I slowly faced myself in the mirror and was just stunned. I could see the big change in me, from the face to the body I lost. I feel, that with each passing day I become a burden to the people who helped me. I feel worthless, useless to the world. I feel, I just wasted their time and time with me, their hours that th
"It's okay to cry, Darling."Lilie I hate myself. I feel that no matter what I do to bathe or rub my body, his hands are still here. His hands I do not want to feel his hold. I don't like this anymore. With each passing day, I only become more and more self-loathing. This is how I always feel about myself. Disgust, anger, all I can do is hate myself, even more "I'm disgusting, I'm disgusting," I whispered repeatedly while punching myself. I hurt every part of my body. I just want to be numb. "No one will accept you, no one will love you, Lilie. No one will accept my whole being because I am dirty," I sobbed and I strengthened my punch even harder. "Hey," someone called me but I didn't look at him because I already knew who he was. The man never tires of me. "Don't call yourself worthless, don't hurt yourself, please," he pleaded. I stepped away and wrapped myself in a blanket as he leaned over me. "Who will accept me?" I whispered. I just stare
"There's someone who will fall for you even though you're not perfect."LucasI awakened to the sound of my cellphone. So frowning I took it to the side table and answered."Lucas!" I kept the cellphone away from my ear because my younger sister suddenly shouted on the other line."What the hell, Julie! What do you need?!" I shouted angrily while lying on my bed."Pick me up." I frowned at what she said. Maybe, she's just tripped me up. So even though my sleep was interrupted, I still rode her in her nonsense."What? to fetch you? Are you in America, right? Shall I fetch you there?!" I asked sarcastically."No, I'm here in the Philippines now and at the airport. So hurry up and don't slow down! Get me here, I'm so bored, duh!" She shouted at me and turned off the call.I was just shaken by my sister's behavior, you thought she was the eldest of the two of us. When I looked at the clock it was five o'clock so I frowned and got up and took a shower.
"There's nothing wrong if you forgive someone that you love."Lilie"Ocean of thought," I said to Julie and leaned over her so she looked at me and smiled."Too deep I don't know if I can get up again," she replied to me and continued again. "Lilie, what if you saw the person you loved again?""Ah, smiled at him?" I winced at my answer. I didn't know what to do so she laughed."I'm just kidding, can you forgive the person who left you?" I was stunned by her question. I remember someone who left us just for her mistress. The only person I want to forget but I can't. My father."For me ... it depends on you whether you can forgive him or not. But of course, find out first why that person left you. Maybe he has a big reason after all," I just said so she nodded. We watched Elise suddenly appear in front of us and sit down."It also depends on you, Julie. You are a lady now, you're not a kid anymore, your mind is wide. So you already know what is right and w
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.-"Dr. SeussLilie"Julie," I called to the person next to me who was now designing her dress in the sketchbook. She paused for a moment and looked at me."Why? Is something wrong with you?" She asked a confusing question so I just turned around and look at her disbelief. She's too much overreacting."No, I just wanted to ask you something.""What are you going to ask?" She asked curiously and continued drawing on the paper. I took a deep breath before speaking."How do you know when you're in love?" I asked weakly so she pouted and turned to me again."What are you saying, Lilie? I can't hear you, can you repeat it."I bit my lip before speaking, only now did I feel embarrassed because of my question."How do you know when y
"Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do."-David Wilkerson.Lilie"Lilie, is he handsome?" the person next to me asked so I looked at the picture he showed. He's Korean."Who is that?""Oh, you don't know? That's Cha Eun Woo," she answered me so I stared at the picture. Its face is very white, musk her eyes are also beautiful. He will get the attention of all women."Yes, he is handsome," I replied and nodded so Julie was stunned. I was still laughing because it was obvious from her actions that she was fascinated by a Korean actor."Who's handsome?" we were shocked to see the person who is standing in front of us. Lucas frowned and his face was a bit dark so Julie and I looked at each other."Brother, why are you up so early today? It's noon ---" Julie's speech was interrupted when Lucas spoke again and crossed his arm so I felt nervous because of his actions."Who's handsome, Lilie?" he asked again as he looked straight at me. So I swallowed and pinched Julie sec
Chapter 12"Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do."-David Wilkerson.Lilie"Lilie, is he handsome?" the person next to me asked so I looked at the picture he showed. He's Korean."Who is that?""Oh, you don't know? That's Cha Eun Woo," she answered me so I stared at the picture. Its face is very white, musk her eyes are also beautiful. He will get the attention of all women."Yes, he is handsome," I replied and nodded so Julie was stunned. I was still laughing because it was obvious from her actions that she was fascinated by a Korean actor."Who's handsome?" we were shocked to see the person who is standing in front of us. Lucas frowned and his face was a bit dark so Julie and I looked at each other."Brother, why are you up so early today? It's noon ---" Julie's speech was interrupted w
Chapter 13"There's someone who will accept and love your flaws."Lilie"You may now kiss the bride," I heard the father say so we all applauded. I smiled as I watched the two newlyweds.I looked at the person next to me who could all applaud. Her friend was married and she just took me along. I should not have come because it was embarrassing but she begged me so she allowed me."Why did you bring me here, Julie?" I asked her so she looked at me. Maybe I've been asking her this ten times since before while we were going to church here."I just didn't have a trip," she said so I was just stunned by her response. I feel like I want to leave her here at church now because of what she said. Your type is the order of your questions and that is how you will be answered.Just her trip? This is an extraordinary woman, the strength of the trip. Where did Julie inherit it, p