Maya let me go almost an hour later than usual, “to make up for my tardiness.” By the time I literally ran out of her cave, I was aching for Cazz, and also angry, and terrified. It was such a confusing turmoil in my chest and body because the longer I was away from him, the more my flesh ached to have him again—but knowing what I knew now about how an Heir was selected…
It made me cold.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the grief he’d had in his eyes when he talked about killing his siblings—and also the intensity when he spoke about reaping the benefits of it.
I hadn’t understood at the time, I’d been consumed with wanting to help him stop beating himself up, but maybe… maybe the reason he felt bad about it was because even though he hated it, he didn’t w
~ CASIMIR ~The moment I got her in the door of her rooms, she yanked her hand out of my grip and turned on me.“This isn’t negotiable, Cazz!” she hissed.‘In the bond!’ I snapped back. ‘This is not a conversation for anyone else to be a part of—make certain your mind is closed to everyone, Jesse. There are things I need to explain that are not for other ears or minds to hear.’Her lips pursed and she folded her arms, glaring at me, but she did as I asked.
~ JESSE ~I wasn’t sure what was happening to me. Everything Cazz said terrified me. But every thought, every breath that felt frightening, every weight in my gut that felt like it should push me back and away from him, only shoved me closer to him.I needed him, not for gratification, but because it was only in that place, when we were both abandoned, that I felt utterly sure of him. And I needed to feel sure of him.So, when I fell into his chest and kissed him, when he wrapped his arms around me and sighed with relief, something in me remained desperate. Jittery and insecure—like he was pulling away and I had to fight to keep him close.
~ CASIMIR ~I lay back in that chair like I had been shot, with Jesse draped over me, my breath ragged, my skin sweaty, and my mind stunned. Every muscle felt fatigued, every limb heavy. And yet…There had never been a time in my life when a female’s warmth and weight over me hadn’t felt like a danger. I’d always preferred to take them from behind to keep control—and because it put me in position to overwhelm them if it was necessary. Yet, holding Jesse there, being held by her…She was an embrace. A joy. Not a threat.Neither of us spoke for some time, both letting our breathing return. I had a han
~ CASIMIR ~When I reached the chamber I was surprised to find the entire council assembled, but I realized I shouldn’t have been. Ghere would have called them the moment a messenger from Rake was announced, intending to assess the information he brought and see if it required my immediate attention.He had no memory of the fact that I had schemes afoot with Khush, or that Rake knew details the others didn’t.No wonder he was so perturbed that the messenger wanted only to speak with me. He would find it odd for Rake to make that request, so would assume the messenger was being overly fastidious. I needed to be very, very careful how I handled this.“Where is he?” I asked the moment I walked into the chamber, while the others were still
~ CASIMIR ~‘Not, er, righteous?’ I sent carefully. ‘How so?’‘He… he goes to the church and appears just like they do and as I would expect the King’s Cleric to behave—careful with his words, clean, kind, righteous in his manner. Then… then he goes to deal with the humans you sent him to and he is… aggressive. Dark. Cunning. The difference is quite stark and I just… I wasn’t sure that you knew. This hypocrisy… I worried he might be deceiving you.’I had to fight to keep my face expressionless. ‘You’ve seen this with your own eyes?’
~ JESSE ~Late that afternoon my nerves were getting the better of me. I’d killed as much time as I could—I had hunted down Reeca and had another conversation about whether or not I should commend her at the Selection.Because the rite had been postponed, she’d admitted that she was trying not to get attached to the idea. But she had agreed that if she was the wolf I chose, she would accept the honor. Then I had gone to the library and read the histories like Maya told me too—but found the whole experience chilling now, seeing all those “deceased” markers in the bloodlines.I’d had to remind myself that Cazz had at least promised he wouldn’t push our children to it. But with everything that had been happening around him, it was all coming home to me now how diff
~ JESSE ~Something was strange about him, but I didn’t even think, just ran to him trying my hardest not to look like a child as he straightened, smiling, when I threw myself into his chest.He wrapped those big arms around me and lifted me off my feet, burying his face in my neck, one arm laid up my spine, the hand cradling the back of my head and holding me to him.To my surprise, I felt the bond thrum as we both clung, wordlessly. And I realized… I realized he’d felt as frantic to be together as I had. But he’d covered it somehow, until this moment.I had to swallow back a pinch of happy tears, but I did it, so that when we finally relaxed and he put me down on my feet again before straightening to smile down at me, I could beam back at him.
~ JESSE ~For half an hour we just sat together on the mattress with our backs to the truck cab and the picnic basket between our thighs, eating and talking. Cazz was eating like a horse—he’d obviously skipped lunch—yet also peppering me with fruit and nuts and some of their very tasty dried meat, apparently still determined to make me gain weight.We were just… talking. And even though the air hummed with anticipation—mine as well as his—neither of us hurried. It was the first time, I realized, that we’d ever just… hung out.“I thought you were taking me to a new den,” I admitted after we’d sat there an hour and weren’t eating anymore. Cazz had put the food basket to the end of the truck bed and we sat, arm to arm, looking at the city lights brigh