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Chapter 30
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THE GUY NEXT DOOR Chapter 31
NowWe order pizza. I’m a little embarrassed about this because it feels so cliché. Girl and Dad living alone after Mom dies and no one cooks. They order pizza.Steve rolls with the whole dinner thing the way he rolls with everything. He doesn’t know why I asked him over. Dad does. I can see that he’s glad to officially meet Steve so he can size him up, but he’s also not happy about it. If I’m letting them get to know each other, it means I want to spend more time with him, and I don’t think Dad wants me to spend time with a boy ever again.For my sake or the guy’s, I’m not sure.We’re sitting at the kitchen table. The pizza just arrived, and it feels so different from when I sat at the table with Brenda and Sally. It’s much more strained, but Dad doesn’t seem to notice. He doesn’t notice much of anything because all he’s doing is eating and staring at Steve.Me, I notice that and more. It’s the first time we’ve had someone else at our dinner table in a long time. It’s three again, on
THE GUY NEXT DOOR Chapter 32
Now“You’ll call me if anything goes wrong, right?”“Yes, Dad,” I tell him for the millionth time.“If you don’t want to go, you can change your mind. ”“I know. ” How do I tell him I’m tired of changing my mind? That I need to find a way to do this. It’s just Steve. It’s just a coffeehouse. It’s not a big deal.“Brenda said… Is that the first dream about Jason that you’ve had, Emily?” His voice is low.I think about lying. Almost do, but stop myself. “No. But they’ve been less lately. ” Even though it’s the truth, a bit of guilt still weighs me down, since it’s not the whole truth. Dad’s being cool. He’s letting me go out with Steve. I don’t want to jeopardize the progress we made by telling him about talking to Jason. I don’t even want to think about how he would react.He closes his eyes and I know it’s because he’s hurting. “Why didn’t you tell me?”Because I can’t. Because you don’t believe me. You’ve never said you believe me. “It’s…hard. ”Tell me I can. Tell me you want me to.
THE GUY NEXT DOOR Chapter 33
“Even my dad. He’s never said it, but I know he wonders. How can he think I would do something like that?”I feel Steve shake his head from where my face is buried against him.“This is one of those times I’m going to sound sexist, but I don’t think it’s that, Bryntastic. Your dad’s a guy. He feels like it was his job to protect you. I think he looks at you and thinks he failed. ”His words give me a kind of comfort I never would have expected. I don’t want Dad to think he failed me, but I don’t want him to doubt me, either.“You think so?”He nods.“Is that how you feel? About your mom and Angelica?” The way his blue eyes darken is the only answer I need. “Steve, it wasn’t your fault. ”“I know that. I do. Sometimes it’s just hard. ”We sit there for a few minutes and I let him hold me. I know I should pull away, but I don’t. I can’t make myself and I don’t want to. I’m comfortable close to him. I deserve to be comfortable. To hug a boy or go out on a date or whatever else I want.“
THE GUY NEXT DOOR Chapter 34
My cell beeps, making me jump. “Oh my God. I’m losing it. ”I pick it up to see a text from Steve.Im now a stalker. Jumped your fence. In the pottery room.My lips beg me to smile, but the nausea churning in my stomach makes it impossible. My fingers move to tell Steve I can’t. That I need to be alone. But I feel this little pull to him, too. The urge to watch him play and share gummy bears with him. Spending time with him is starting to feel like my new normal, and though I want nothing more than to be excited about that, I can’t fully muster it up right now.I also can’t tell him no.Dropping my backpack inside the foyer, I go through the house and right out the back. When I open the door to the room, I see Steve sitting on the small couch with his guitar next to him.“I thought you could try to make something again if you want. Or I could give you another lesson— Hey, what’s wrong?” Steve pushes his hair behind his ear so it doesn’t hang in his face.I want to tell him. To tell so
THE GUY NEXT DOOR Chapter 35
“According to police, the vehicle was traveling at high speeds when it lost control on one of the curves. There was a female passenger in the vehicle with him, but due to her being a minor, no name has been released yet. Both occupants of the car were dead at the scene. ”Dead.Dead.Dead.They’re both dead. Jason is dead. A girl is dead. Due to her being a minor…Another girl, just like me.The fuzz takes over again. I don’t hear anything else. Just my pulse mixing with the noise and throbbing in my head. The cries ripping out of me with so much strength, they tear me apart. A girl I didn’t know has died with Jason. He could have lied to her like he did me. Maybe she thought she loved him and he loved her. Maybe she just trusted Jason like he always told me to do. The way I did. And now because of that, she’s dead.“Shh. It’s okay, dolcezza. I have you. I’m here. I have you. ” Dad repeats the words over and over as the tears keep coming. I’m holding him so tight, my nails dig into h
THE GUY NEXT DOOR Chapter 36
“No. I can promise you they’re not. ”I think about everything that’s happened since we lost Mom. How he pushed me away. How I pushed my friends away before, and now I’ve pushed Steve. Steve was right. I’m not taking my life back. I’m not fighting. Jason is still winning. And maybe… Just maybe he wasn’t all bad, either. It’s not something I will ever know. But maybe he just wanted to feel loved and didn’t know how to find it the way he needed to. Just like me. He’s responsible for his actions, and I’m responsible for mine.Maybe if I could have been stronger, he wouldn’t have been in that car. Or that girl wouldn’t have been with him. Maybe she would still be alive, maybe not. There’s no way of knowing. It could have been the first day they met, or he could have been tricking her the Edwarde way he did me. Either way, I refuse to stand by anymore. Refuse to let people get hurt because I wasn’t strong enough to do something. Even though Jason is dead, I want to fight, for myself, for o
THE GUY NEXT DOOR Chapter 37
I shake my head. “I was only lost for a little while, but I found my way back. ”Lillian speaks next. “Your mom was incredible, but she didn’t make you special, Emily. You did that yourself. We’re your best friends. We love you. ”At that the tears start to leak from my eyes. “I love you guys, too. ”“It hurt to have you push us away,” Lillian whispers. “We’d always been a team and though we understood, it sucked. And then when you started talking about this new boyfriend you didn’t want us to meet, it was like you didn’t care. You’d moved on and forgotten about us. We weren’t good enough to be there for you, when we loved her right along with you. ”When Ellie’s parents fought, she talked to Mom. When we needed a ride somewhere, we asked her. Lillian started her period for the first time at our house and my mom was there. I should have realized it hurt them, too. That they felt like I left them, as well.“And even after everything happened…” Ellie shifts. “You didn’t want to see anyo
THE GUY NEXT DOOR Chapter 38
We’re silent for a minute, and then I add, “I know I pulled away first…but you guys aren’t innocent either. The way you treated me. I don’t think I deserved that. ”“You’re right,” Ellie says.“I’m so sorry,” Lillian adds. “Maybe we can try to start over… Go slowly. ”My heart bounces. “I would love that. ”“All of us made mistakes. I’d like to try to get our friendship back, too. ” Ellie looks down.It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. I need to prove things to them, and them to me. The fact that we’re all willing gives me hope.I listen as they talk about some of the things they’ve been doing the past months. Then I talk to them about Steve and tell them I have a new friend named Emery I hope they can meet one day.Each word is a cleansing breath. A compression on my chest bringing me back to life again.And I can’t wait to live.When I finally get up to leave, both girls stand, too. Lillian holds out her pinkie first, then Ellie, and finally me. We link them all together. “Always,”
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