Chapter 2: Remember me

Taryn

              It’s my twenty-sixth birthday today, and I’m taking the day off from both my jobs to celebrate. I even called my father’s nurse, Willa, to come over and watch him for the day. This is the first time in years that I’ve decided to do something for myself, and I’m determined to enjoy it.

              After my father’s stroke ten years ago, I devoted my time and worked hard to take care of him. My mother abandoned us when I was a baby. For years, I live with my dad and my sister, Tamsyn, until she left too.

              My father began experiencing health problems years ago. I was eleven when we found out he had to have brain surgery, and my sister Tamsyn was sixteen. I used to worship my sister, Tamsyn. Even though she had proven over time that she didn’t deserve it. It wasn’t until she hooked up with Ewan that I began to hate her.

              Years ago, my father worked for the affluent Blake family as their driver. The Blakes were very wealthy. Mr. and Mrs. Blake were arrogant and cruel people. However, their sons, Logan and Ewan, were kind. Logan was in his late teens when Ewan came to live at the Blake home. Unfortunately, Ewan had the distinction of being Mr. Blake’s bastard, and no one in their household would let him forget that fact.

              I fell in love with Ewan from the first moment that I saw him. Or as in love as a young girl can be because I was only eleven-years-old. Ewan was seventeen and in love with my sister, Tamsyn. I don’t think he even knew that I existed. I don’t blame him since I was only a child.

              Tamsyn was the one that had his attention. If only he had known what a truly terrible person my sister was. Tamsyn’s goal had always been to marry rich, and Ewan was the perfect target. As an unwanted and unloved child, it was easy for him to fall prey to Tamsyn’s ambition. Even though Tamsyn was attracted to him, she never gave up on her scheme to become a rich woman.

              To Ewan, she was the epitome of kindness and perfection. She pretended to be the perfect daughter and girlfriend. However, behind his back, she was vindictive and cruel. Sometimes she’d force me to stay home from school because she needed me to care for my father while she screwed around with Ewan.

              Even at the age of eleven, I knew that what she was doing was wrong. But I love my father, and I would have done anything to take care of him. When I’d protest, she’d sometimes beat me or lock me out of the house for hours. Ewan never knew.

              It all came to pass when she hatched a scheme to extort money from Ewan’s father, Stuart. My father needed money for his surgery, and Tamsyn used Ewan to get the money. She planned to have Ewan ask his father for the money. But she wasn’t going to use it to pay for dad’s surgery. No, the heartless bitch was going to use the money to seduce another man into her bed.

              The man she was trying to entice was Orson Leighton. Leighton, like Stuart, was a rich asshole who had a thing for young girls. He and Tamsyn were lovers for nearly as long as she was with Ewan. My sister’s a seriously twisted individual. I was so angry when I found out. I couldn’t believe that she’d hurt Ewan that way.

              Regrettably, I found out about her plans when it was too late.  The night before, Tamsyn had locked me in her closet over some slight, and I listened as she made plans with her lover.

              My sister did get the money she asked for, but not the way she expected. Instead of directly giving her the money, Stuart paid the hospital. Tamsyn was fuming with rage when she found out. Stuart shipped Ewan away the same day and wouldn’t tell anyone where he sent him. That night, Tamsyn came straight to my room and beat me black and blue.

              Once her plans fell through, she changed tactics and tried to convince Stuart that she was pregnant with Ewan’s baby. Once again, Stuart proved to be smarter than my sister. He forced her to get a paternity test and provided her with proof of her indiscretions with Orson.              

              To my sister’s regret, the tests proved that the baby was not Ewan’s─it was Orson’s. However, Orson dumped her as soon as he found out. Apparently, he wasn’t ready to be a father. I don’t know how, but somehow Tamsyn managed to manipulate Stuart’s accountant into marrying her. Even though she was pregnant, she was finally rich. She left us after that and never looked back again.

              Stuart fired my dad after his surgery and kicked us out of his house. Seeing that dad had no job and had little money, we moved in with my aunt Dotty. She and I took care of dad until the day she passed away in her sleep. At the age of sixteen, I found myself homeless, jobless, and in charge of my handicapped father.

              After the first surgery, my father had a difficult time recovering. He lost the use of most of his motor skills and had to have fluid drained from his brain every six months.

              We were in a lot of debt, and I didn’t know what to do. Unfortunately, working at the local store wasn’t helping me put a dent in our debt, and my father’s disability check was minimal at best. Because of that, we had to move to a not-so-favorable neighborhood. But even then, we barely had enough money to feed us both.

              I tried to reach out to Tamsyn, but she refused to even acknowledge us. I was desperate. At that point, my body had fully developed. I was no longer the flatchested coltish tomboy but a woman with a woman’s body. I had full breasts and a round ass with long red hair and golden skin, which is odd for a natural redhead.

              One of my friends from the neighborhood suggested that I apply to be a waitress at a nearby club. She was one of their best dancers. Seeing no other choice, I interviewed and got the job. I had to lie about my age and used fake ID when they hired me, but I was making enough money to survive, and that’s all that mattered.

              The tips I got as a waitress were good but not good enough to help me get a nurse for my dad, which I desperately needed. Thankfully, the manager gave me a chance to become a dancer. I almost cried the first time they paid me. All I could think was that I could finally afford to pay my father’s hospital bills, along with the rent and other bills.

              In the beginning, the idea of taking off my clothes and dancing for men was scary. But after a while, it became commonplace. I learned quickly how to fend off aggressive admirers and survive until I no longer needed the job.

              I have plans for my future. I want to work in advertisement. I’ve been attending school at the local community college and am graduating soon.

              Because I have to care for my dad, it has taken me a while to finish school.

              Since it’s my birthday, I decided that I want to go to the beach. I plan on going swimming, reading a good book, and soaking in the sun until the day is through.

              Crazy enough, I work in one of the stores near the boardwalk. Yet, I never get a chance to hang out at the beach longer than a few minutes because the shop is always busy. Sometimes, I’ll sit in the sand and eat a sandwich during my half-hour lunch break, but that’s the only time I allow myself to enjoy the beach.

              Before I left the house, my dad gave me a birthday hug and made me promise to have fun. We’re going to have a birthday dinner tonight.

              It takes me half an hour to get to the beach. Thankfully, the bus stop is right in front of my building. It’s the middle of the week, and the beach is nearly abandoned because people are either working or at school. Which makes it a perfect day to hang out. The sky is blue, and the sun is out.

              As soon as I get to the beach, I strip down to my white bikini, settle my clothes inside my bag, and drop it next to a secluded spot. My bikini molds to my body perfectly, and my hair is falling loosely around my shoulders. Beneath the sunlight, my hair gleams like a crimson beacon, and my body glows like molten honey. I look around the beach and smile as I watch the waves lap the edge of the sand, and the foamy white surface of the water beckons me.

              Without a thought, I break into a run. I love jumping into the water and skipping over the waves. Unfortunately, I don’t notice the approaching form jogging through the sand until it’s too late. I slam into a hard muscular chest and would have fallen if the man hadn’t caught me in his strong arms. A startled cry escapes my lips at the impact, and my teeth rattle. Clinging to the man’s broad shoulders, I straighten my stance and look up. A gasp escapes my lips, and I have to blink several times because I can’t believe who I’m seeing.

              “Ewan?” I croak out in disbelief.

              Ewan’s brow furrows in confusion. “I’m sorry. Do I know you?”

              Heat crawls up my neck as mortification settles in my stomach. He doesn’t know who I am. My mind rationalizes that I was eleven the last time he saw me. Yet, I can’t stop the hurt that I feel inside. I’m sure that if it had been my sister, Tamsyn, he’d recognize her easily.

              I don’t want him to see my disappointment, though, so I clear my face of emotion, and as gracefully as I can, I push away from his incredibly cut body.

              Of their own volition, my eyes roam hungrily across his form. His gorgeous dark hair is brushed back, emphasizing his strong forehead, arched brows, sharp cheekbones, and full lips. My mouth waters at the sight of his ripped golden chest, six-pack abs, and carved pelvic bones. He’s even hotter than I remember. Of course, he was still growing into his body back then.

              Biting my lip, I brush stray tendrils of hair behind my ear, but it’s a futile task because the breeze tousles it further. “Um…yeah…you know me. It’s me,…Taryn.” I mutter hesitantly.

              Ewan’s eyes widen with surprise as he assesses my features for some familiarity. I can almost feel the heat of his onyx eyes roaming my features like a caress. My body blazes with desire, and my folds weep.

              His upper lip quirks with humor as realization dawns on him. “That’s impossible? The Taryn I knew was a coltish hellion with a bloody foul mouth.” Ewan mutters.

              I shrug my shoulders and look off into the distant waters. “I guess I grew up. I mean, I still have the foul mouth, but my body has filled out.” I respond snarkily.

              A chuckle escapes Ewan's pouty lips as he searches the area around me. I know he’s searching for my sister. If only he knew that I haven't seen Tamsyn in years. “Tamsyn’s not with me,” I say in a bland tone.

              It annoys me to even think that he’s searching for her. Tamsyn never deserved the devotion Ewan held for her.

              Ewan’s head snaps back to mine, a blush coating his square jaw. “What makes you think I was searching for her?”

              I roll my eyes in response. As gorgeous as the man is, he’s just as dense. “Because I’m not an idiot.” I know it’s an asshole comment to make, but I’ve never been good at pretending to be sweet and innocent like my sister.

              “I thought your dad sent you to live in England. What are you doing in Los Angeles?” I ask, redirecting the subject from a possibly awkward conversation. I don’t want to talk about Tamsyn with the man I had a crush on years ago.  I mean, what are the freaking odds that I’d run into Ewan after all of these years?

              Ewan quirks a brow as he sifts his fingers through his thick, luscious mane and points to a spot a good distance away. “I moved back nearly a year ago. My home is about a mile down the beach. Logan and his wife, Bella, don’t live far from here.”

              My mouth gapes open at his words. “Wait, what? Logan’s married? And you’re both buddies now? How?”

              “We reconciled a year ago. He married Mati’s granddaughter, Bella, a couple of months ago.” He answers gently.

              I can see by the expression on his face that he’s happy for Logan. I remember a time when those two couldn’t even bear to be in the same room, but I’m glad that they’ve reconciled.

              “Mati? Are you talking about Logan’s old nanny, Mati?”

              Ewan nods. “The very same.”

              “Wow, Logan’s married. Dad always said that after all the crap your dad and his mom put him through, he’d be single forever. And he’s married to Mati’s granddaughter. I’m so happy for him.” I answer airily.

              I’m not lying when I say that I’m happy for him. Logan was always very kind to me despite his cruel father. After everything he suffered at his father’s hands, he deserved a happy ending.

              Ewan’s expression sharpens at the mention of my father. “How is Alan?” He asks calmly.

              “He’s…hanging in there,” I answer ambiguously. I don’t like to tell people about my father’s disability. The look of pity on their faces when they learn about our circumstances makes my stomach turn.

              The mere idea of seeing the same look on Ewan’s face makes me feel wretched.

              Thankfully, Ewan doesn’t see through my lie. “I’m glad. So what brings you here today?” He asks in a conversational tone.

              At first, I consider not answering, but I want more time with him. This is the man that I’ve dreamt of for years.

              Biting my lip, I casually swing my arms and shift my feet in the sand. “Actually, it’s my birthday today, and I thought it would be nice to relax on the beach.”

              Ewan’s smile widens with delight. “It’s your birthday? How old are you?”

              “I’m twenty-six,” I answer.

              His nostrils flare for a moment as he takes in my appearance. From his expression, I can see that he’s seeing me as a woman now. His eyes smolder with desire, which makes my heart quicken. There’s just something about his smolder that makes me melt.

              “Happy birthday.” He whispers huskily. “Why aren’t you out celebrating with your family or your friends?

              The idea of telling him that my dad is in a wheelchair or that my sister never cared about me makes my stomach churn painfully. I do have friends, but not people I’m close to. I’ve been so busy with work and school that I never have the time to hang out. I invited my friend, Cleo, but she had a court case she couldn’t reschedule. It’s also difficult to go out at my own leisure when I have to take care of my dad. In between doctor appointments, therapy, school, and my two jobs, I barely have time to eat.

              I give him another vague reply. “Everyone was busy.”

              For a moment, I think he’s going to ask more. Then, as if something shuts off inside of him, his expression becomes neutral, and he takes another step back. He might as well be a million miles away at that moment. Something inside of me shatters at that point, and I don’t understand why. I mean, I hadn’t seen this man in years.  

              Not knowing what else to do, I shrug off my sadness and mutter, “I should let you finish your run,”

              Ewan’s Adam's apple bobs before he nods his head. “Of course. Happy birthday, Taryn.”

              He might as well be a robot by how bland his response is. What did I say?

              I don’t ask the question out loud, though. Instead, I give him a tepid wave and walk to the shore. I can feel his penetrating eyes upon me as I wade into the water, but I have to resist the urge to look back, which is nearly impossible.

              Dipping my head in the water, I jump back up to the surface and push my wet hair back. My nipples, pucker and goosebumps spread across my body at the feel of the cool air gliding down my skin. The sand feels good beneath my feet as the grains massage my soles.

              After a few minutes, I look back to the beach’s surface. To my disappointment, Ewan’s gone. I don’t know why I care, but it still hurts. I don’t understand what this power is that he has over me. He looked so good. Ugh, I’m such a girl sometimes. Cleo would laugh at me if she could see me drooling over Ewan’s gorgeous body. Swallowing several times, I tamp down the emotion clogging my throat and dip my head back into the water again.

              For an hour, I swim around until I’m exhausted. Chest heaving, I swim back to the shore, pick up my bag, and head to a cluster of nearby rocks. The large rocks lie flat between the ocean and sand. It’s a perfect spot to relax. My bag thumps against the hard ground as I stretch out over the smooth rock’s surface. Sorting through it, I remove a bottle of water, a sandwich and unfurl my towel. The waves crash against the rocks with small splatters, and the scent of the ocean’s breeze permeates my senses.

              Inhaling deeply, I look off into the distance and observe as the beautiful milky clouds glide slowly across the clear blue sky. I close my eyes and arch my back as the heat of the sun permeates my skin. It’s such a serene moment that I want to savor it forever.

              Using my bag as a pillow, I lie on my back and close my eyes. I don’t sleep, though. I’m too wired after seeing Ewan and too hurt by his coldness.

              Minutes pass as I lie there imagining his shadowed eyes and luscious lips. I wish we could have spoken a little longer.

              I nearly jump out of my skin when a shadow passes over me. Opening my eyes, I face Ewan’s imposing form. His muscled body glows ethereally beneath the golden orb.

              I observe quietly as Ewan squats down and places something next to me. I look down and gasp with delight when I see that it’s a pink cupcake.

              “I couldn’t find a candle, but I figured it’s the thought that counts.” He mutters gruffly.

              A warm smile spreads across my lips at his gesture. No one has ever done something like this for me. Biting my lower lip, I sit up, take the cupcake and dip my index finger inside of the delicious buttercream icing. The sweet concoction zings in my tongue, creating a delicious explosion of flavors. Moaning with pleasure, I sensually lick my finger. I know that I'm a tease, but I really want to see his reaction. And boy, do I get a reaction. Ewan’s pupils are so wide that his eyes are nearly pitch black. My body throbs with arousal at his predatory gaze.

              “It’s delicious. I love it. Thank you, Ewan.” I mumble in a breathy voice.

              Ewan’s jaw pops, and nostrils flair as he follows my gesture.

              “Want some?” I extend the cupcake close to his lips and whisper. My voice is husky with desire as I wait for his response.

              Ewan looks at the cupcake then glances back at my lips. “No, it’s all yours, Candy Cane.”

              An airy laugh escapes my lips at the sound of my childhood name. I got the name Candy Cane after I dressed like one for Halloween. You see, even back then, money was tight. Since my dad wouldn’t spring for a costume, I decided to make one. I remember slipping on a pair of red leggings, an old ratty turtleneck, wrapping white toilet paper around my legs, arms, and chest; so I could look like a Candy Cane. Dad was so amused by my ingenuity that he began calling me Candy Cane. In fact, Candy is my stripper name.

              “Your loss,” I murmur before I continue to devour the cupcake. In my defense, I pinch little pieces from the cake and eat them in a ladylike fashion. I even go as far as licking my fingers to see how far I can go before Ewan breaks.

              Ewan sits next to me and watches the waves glide in and out of the ocean.

              “It’s so beautiful here.” He mumbles with a relaxed sigh.

              I swallow a piece of warm, spongy cake, then nod. “Yeah, I love the beach. If I had the money, I’d build dad and me a little shack by the beach and swim every day.”

              Ewan rests his elbows on his bent knees, then glances back at me. “Where do you live?”

              I swallow the last bite and rub my hands to clear the crumbs before I reply. “Not far,” I mutter vaguely. “You said you live close. Where do you live?” I change the subject again.

              Ewan waves to an area across the beach. It’s pretty far from where we are, but I can see the rooftops and enclosures from where we are.  “I live right there. My home is behind those trees.”

              “Wow, I’m envious,” I mutter longingly. “I wish I could afford to live here. “

              Ewan’s brow quirks. “What do you do?”

              My face heats with embarrassment as I consider my answer. I can’t even imagine the look on his face if I told him that I was a stripper. Would he look down on me for doing what I had to do to survive? No, I can’t take the chance. “I…I work in one of the shops near the boardwalk.”

              I point to the boardwalk near the pier. “And I study marketing and advertisement at the local community college when I’m not at my second job.”

              My stomach flips at my response. Shit, I didn’t mean to tell him that I had two jobs. When will I learn to keep my goddamn mouth shut? Ears thrumming, I take a deep breath and start collecting my things. I feel uncomfortable with how the conversation is going. I don’t want to talk about my shitty life. At least, not to him.

              Unfortunately, Ewan doesn’t miss my comment because he hones in on my misspoken words. “Jobs? You work two jobs? What about your father and Tamsyn?”

              I wince at every question as if he’s hailing bullets instead of words.

              Thankfully, I’m quick on my feet, and I quickly turn the tables on him. “How about you? What happened to you all those years ago? Everyone wondered what happened, but Stuart wouldn’t tell a soul. Dad thought Stuart sent you back to England. I thought Stuart killed you and buried your body.”  

              Ewan narrows his eyes at my change of subject. For a moment, he looks like he’s going to ask more. However, to my surprise, he doesn’t push for answers. “None of those things occurred. Stuart actually sent me to military school.”

              My eyebrows rise with astonishment. Of all the scenarios I had running through in my head, I would have never guessed that he had been sent off to military school.

              “Oh, well, I guess it could have been worse.” I open my eyes wide. “You could have continued to live with Stuart.” I jest in hopes of lightening the conversation.

              Ewan throws his head back in laughter. “I never considered that. I guess you’re right.” He covers his lips as he heaves in amusement.

              After a minute, He looks down at the sand, then turns back to me. “I have to go. Would you care to join me for breakfast?”

              For a moment, I consider telling him, no, but my mouth has a mind of its own. Stupid Mouth. “Sure. That sounds good.”

              After I dry myself, I wrap my towel around my waist and lift my bag.

              Being the gentleman that he is, Ewan takes my bag and leads me to his house. I can’t believe that I’m going to his house. As we walk, we talk about inconsequential things and joke around. It’s so mundane and surreal. I’m talking to Ewan. It’s like a birthday dream come true.

              His house is large, with huge windows that light up the house’s interior. It’s the kind of house I’ve always dreamt of living in. “Your house is gorgeous,” I tell him as soon as we step through the door.

              Ewan settles my bag on the kitchen counter and waves his hand to urge me forward. “Thank you. I’m still working on a couple things here and there, but I’m comfortable.”

              My bare feet pad against the cool wooden floor, making me realize that I’m tracking sand everywhere. Looking down at my sodden bikini, I take a step back and mutter. “Can I use your shower? The sand is drying on my skin, and I don’t want to dirty your floors.”

              Ewan runs his gaze intently across my nearly naked body, then clears his throat and waves his hand up the stairs. “Go up the stairs, turn right until you reach the first door. There’s an en-suite bathroom in the guest room.”

              “Thanks,” I reply.

              As carefully as I can, I make my way upstairs until I reach the room he’s talking about. The bedroom is large and airy, with large windows that illuminate the room’s fashionable interior. However, it’s the shower that catches my attention. It’s large with an overhead shower rain panel, white subway tiles, and white marble floors. I don’t hesitate to take my bikini off and slide into the shower. I don’t even bother closing the door. The heat of the water feels so good that my muscles instantly loosen. Closing my eyes against the soothing water, I enjoy the feel of the drops raining down on me and rinse my hair. Thankfully, I packed a travel-sized soap, shampoo, and conditioner in my bag.

              My chest heaves as the pitter-pattering sound of the water heighten my arousal. I want to touch myself, but I know that right now is not the time. Perhaps when I get home, I’ll take the time to let my fantasies run wild.

              Once I’ve rinsed myself, I step out of the shower. Unfortunately, there are no towels in the bathroom. “Fuck!” I mumble beneath my breath as I search the cabinets but find nothing.

              Seeing no other choice, I step out to search the room and nearly faint when I collide with Ewan. He must have also taken a shower because he’s wearing jeans, his chest is bare, and his hair is damp. In his hands, he’s holding a stack of folded towels.

              “I…I thought you might need towels.” He mutters in a hoarse voice, his hooded eyes glued to my naked body. I don’t cover up immediately. I’m used to men looking at my naked body. And in this case, it bothers me even less because it’s Ewan.

              “Thanks,” I murmur softly. Without blinking, I reach for a towel and begin to dry my hair. A flush covers Ewan’s cheeks, but he doesn’t look away. Instead, he peruses my naked body, his eyes heating as if he's memorizing every curve and swell. Biting my lip, I take the other towel from his hand and drop it down next to the other, which seems to snap him out of his daze.

              “I…” He clears his throat. “…apologize. I didn’t mean to stare.”

              It’s funny because he doesn’t sound the least bit sorry that he was staring at me. In fact, if his smolder is anything to go by, he’s aroused.

              Moving closer, I roll my eyes, with a shrug, and caress my fingers across his chest. Ewan’s stomach contracts, but he doesn’t move away, which is a good sign. I can feel his heart beating wildly beneath his ribcage as his hands tighten into fists. I know that he wants to touch me. I can see it in his eyes.

              “Do you think I’m beautiful?” I ask.

              His ebony eyes burn with desire, and his lips tighten into a straight line. For a moment, I think he’s going to push me away. But once again, he surprises me when he crushes his lips against mine and molds his chest against my naked breasts. Sighing with pleasure, I wrap my arms around his waist, mold my hips against his zipper, and scrape the hard buds of my nipples against his firm chest. Desire coils in my stomach, making my clit throb against his covered shaft. Groaning with pleasure, Ewan deepens the kiss and caresses his hands down my back until he reaches the mounds of my ass and squeezes and probes the firm skin. The sound of our heavy breathing resonates through the darkened room as we strive to get closer. I love the velvety feel of his tight muscles and luscious lips against mine.

              “Touch me.” I mewl against his lips.

              As if waking up from a dream, Ewan stiffens in my arms and pushes me away. I cry out when my back slams against the wall with a painful thud. “No, I can’t…you’re not Tamsyn!” Ewan gruffs out angrily.

              My insides chill at the harshness of his words. Embarrassed, I reach for the towel and wrap it against my naked chest. I can’t believe this is happening. Swallowing hard, I stifle the tears of shame that threaten to fall from my eyes. He was imagining he was kissing Tamsyn instead of me. I’m such an idiot.

              “You asshole,” I grit out in anger as I rush back to the bathroom, slip on my clothes, and gather my things before I stomp out the door. I’m nearly down the stairs when Ewan calls out. “Taryn, wait!”

              But I don’t stop because if I do, I might do something rash. Before I reach the door, Ewan grips my forearm and turns me to face him. “Please, Candy Cane…stop. Listen, I’m so sorry. That was a cruel thing to say.”

              Shaking my head, I swallow hard and give him my nastiest glare. “Then why did you say it?”

              Ewan rubs his palms across his face and sighs. “I truly apologize. It wasn’t my intent for this to happen. Tamsyn was on my mind, and the rest occurred.”

              Fury renders me speechless for a moment. I knew he was thinking it, but to hear him say it out loud only heightens my mortification further.

              “You thought I was my sister, and you’re apologizing!” I grit out through clenched teeth. “For your information, Ewan─ I’m glad I’m not Tamsyn. And if you knew the real her, you’d be glad too. Goodbye.”

              Giving him one last disappointed look, I rush out of the door and break into a run. I don’t slow down until I’m completely out of sight. Thankfully, Ewan doesn’t follow me. Of course, I didn’t expect him to. I’m such an idiot. How did a birthday that started out so well end up so horribly? I know that I shouldn’t be surprised considering what a shit show my life has been. I was foolish to think that, for once, things would go my way. I mean, what were the odds that I’d run into Ewan after all of these years?

              I guess it’s the universe’s way of telling me to be happy with what I have. Lesson learned.