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Chapter 98

He’s not Jewish, Bubbe.”

“Why not?”

“What do you mean why not?” Rachel cut in. “Because he’s not! And I’ve got news for you. It doesn’t matter! I married a nice Jewish guy.” Oh no! Here we go! “A doctor! Top of the freaking Jewish food chain. And do you know where he is now? Shacking up with a twenty-three-year-old shiksa! That’s where he is now!”

“Well, were you keeping him happy in bed?” Bubbe asked, and I started to

“Ma!” my mother cut in. “How could you ask that? You’re not gonna blame her because her husband cheated on her?!”

“I’ll bet you any money she didn’t give him oral attention,” Bubbe announced.

“Uh! I don’t think we should…” I tried.

“Excuse me! But a lot of women simply do not enjoy performing o**l s*x! I mean guys pee out of that thing!” Rachel shouted.

“See? What did I tell you?” Bubbe looked smug.

“Dan, maybe we should check on dinner,” I said desperately.

“Uh,” he replied. I grabbed his hand and dragged him into the kitchen where Ira was still talking dry cleaning an
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