Lacking Interest

𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐐𝐔𝐄

     ♚

Once more, my happiness had been crushed by the noblemen. Those men just abhorred me whenever I had a smile on my face for reasons that were very much unknown to me. They loved it when I was dejected and all. It was as though they were on a mission to take happiness very far away from me. They just derived so much pleasure in it. 

I'd just invited my nail stylist to give me a pedicure because I hadn't gotten one in a while. I'd just been growing my natural nails and it kind of hurt when she cut it off.

My assistant was with me, going through my emails when she stumbled on one from them. She didn't need to read it all out before I knew what they wanted. It was required of me to fly my ass back to England. Those assholes were the same ones who told me to take a break, and go back to America. I wasn't given a deadline or anything of that sort to come back. They just said to come back. 

I simply nodded and told her not to reply before I urged Cassandra, my stylist, to continue what she was doing. It was most likely going to last me another week and a half. 

Two days. That was the amount of time that had passed since I received the stupid email from them, but I couldn't count how many mental breakdowns I'd had within the space of the two days. If I could beg God to slow time down a bit, I would, because I had cried so much and lost focus on a lot of things. I was quite certain that if I was an elastic material, I'd have reached my breaking point ages ago. I might've even turned to plastic and lost my characteristics because I truly was getting to that stage. 

I kept asking myself why Father had to die as if there was a way to escape death. I knew that what was meant to be was going to be, but I was just caught up in the moment and I couldn't think straight because of what was at hand. Honestly, I did not know what to do. 

Maybe I could pack a few of my belongings and just move to somewhere where nobody knew me. I shook my head. I knew better than that. I wished I could think and come up with something, but not only was I blank, but my brain and body were failing me when I needed them the most. We were always told to never trust humans because they could let us down, but nobody ever said anything about not trusting our bodies. 

Only a few days ago I was cheerful because my happiness was restored and I lived the conventional life I ought to be living, but now I was back to being a capricious fuck with a million problems. If only those sick fucks understood what mental health was and how important it was.

♚

According to them, they wanted me to get familiar with the tradition and it was going to take a handful of months for me to get that done. Frankly speaking, I'd have preferred to learn things I hated in place of a sick tradition. What was the point in learning what you weren't engrossed in? To me, learning was all about interest, and I believed very much that if I showed no interest in something, no amount of coercion would lead me into learning it. It could travel to the pits of hell and burn to ashes, for all I cared. 

I'd gotten back to England about four days ago or so...and they let me be for two days, but yesterday when Gina and I were having a discussion, they sent some sick maid to my door to inform me that we were having a meeting again. I knew I was never getting used to those things called meetings. It literally was where old people gathered to argue because they had nothing to do. Honestly, I could not wrap my head around it. I found it quite intriguing, might I add. 

I was delighted about one thing, the fact that they hadn't started talking about the partner that I was supposed to have and all of that fuckery. It was something that was surely going to come up in future conversations, I knew about it, but while it was a topic nobody had ever brought up, it was best I enjoyed it while it lasted. When the time eventually came for that, I hoped the person was at least one who wouldn't turn me off and get me irritated and all. 

I wasn't so young anymore. In fact, I wasn't young anymore. Many women that were my age were already married with two or three children, some were even done with having children and here I was, trying to dodge what they said was responsibility. I'd never felt the pressure to settle down and all. Marriage and childbearing weren't even on my list of things to achieve and it was funny because a lot of women marked marriage as a great achievement. Trust me, I had nothing against those sets of people, but individual goals varied vastly, and clearly, I had an entirely different view about life than a lot of other people. 

Yes, I dated, but once I noticed that the person was trying to stop my bag or impose any of those fucked up stereotypes on me, I ended the relationship without giving a second thought. Gone were the days when men thought women were the weaker sex. I hadn't spent so long in this country, but from what I could see, the women submitted so easily, and I immediately knew in my head that no way in hell could that fucking be me. 

Straight away, the door to the private living room and chamber assigned to me swung open and a lady I presumed to be in her fifties walked in briskly, her Victorian fashioned dress swung from side to side with each step she took. Those dresses were what reigned in the eighteenth century and it was ridiculous that well over a couple hundred years later, it was still worn in this part of the world as casual wear. To an extent, it was hot, though. 

"Hi," her English accent encompassed all of the features about her that I'd noticed earlier on. It was thick like she'd existed a couple of hundred years ago and died and then reincarnated. In as much as I hated everything related to England, I couldn't quite deny the fact that there was something very catchy about British accents. It was all the words to describe captivating. Sometimes, I'd stand in front of the mirror and just practice accents. News flash, I was bad at them. 

"Hello," I answered, waiting for her to continue talking in that British accent that I hadn't heard so much, but was already pulling me closer. 

"I'm Maria and I take care of things in this castle. I know you have yet to see much of me because you've been confined to the same place for a long time. Do not worry, I'm very far from being the judgy type. Losing a loved one has never been something cheerful to be social about."

"Where exactly are you headed to?" I was currently in a state of confusion and so, I asked. 

"As you know, discussions about your coronation will begin very soon and while we're getting to that, you need to be very conversant with everything and everyone. I know you've been away from home for the longest and so it'd be hard trusting people. That's why I'm here."

After that long-ass speech, I still had no idea where she was getting to. 

My facial expression gave all of the answers that needed to be delivered. 

"Trust is a very tough subject," she went on. "but I'm here to say you can trust me. I've worked here for the last twenty-something years and was very loyal to your father. I wouldn't turn my back now when it's time for his offspring to rule." 

Father never mentioned anyone named Maria to me, but anyway, that was by the way. 

"For the sake of trust, we've decided to fire all of the workers that worked here and employ new ones, but you'll be the one doing the choosing because they're going to be the ones serving you. Word has been sent to anyone interested and they'll all be here tomorrow. For the time being, I'll show you around so you can start getting used to things you'll be seeing every day. You can't just stay in here all day."

I wanted to speak, but nothing came out of my throat. 

She let me be so I could get dressed for our little outing. I called it an outing because I was leaving the place where I felt the most comfortable. 

                   ♚

Firstly, she started by taking me to the compound. That was the one place I was a little au fait with because I usually always got a nice view of the whole surrounding when I stood by the balcony and looked down. I had to admit that the architecture was also mind-blowing. If only their minds weren't as archaic as they were. Maybe it would be a nice place. 

"You've been here a couple of times, but this is the outside of the castle. It is very vast and has got a lot of things going on. Before the Prince died, there was some construction going on over there." She paused and pointed to an area that looked like work had to be stopped there. Abruptly, no one needed to tell me that Father's death was the cause of it. 

"It had to stop because we wanted to honor him, but if it pleases you that the construction may go one, then who am I to question." She said it like she was my subject. Well technically, that was the belief, but I could not bring myself to call her that. 

I looked to the left side and found a small bungalow that the door was locked and then I began to walk there. She was coming right behind me as if I'd instructed her to do so. 

My walking came to cessation the moment I got to the door. It was locked there, but it did not stop me from fiddling with the hole thingy. I kept poking my finger in there like a little child that had just discovered a toy and I didn't know, what I felt was a feeling of relief washing over me. Like I was so hot and someone just poured cold water down my head. Maria's first impression about me was probably that I was weird, but the fun fact was that I didn't care. 

"What was going on here and where's the lock?" Those were the two questions I could bring myself to ask. It had only been a couple of minutes, maybe seconds and I was already dying to know. 

"This was where your father's coffee used to be brewed every morning. I heard he liked his coffee in some type of way so people had to be employed. It's been locked since he died." 

I nodded and walked away, urging her to come with me and she obeyed. 

The next one hour comprised of a tour around the whole castle. I had to confess that it was so enormous. There was nothing anyone would say to convince me that I would believe! The whole measurement had to be nothing less than a hundred thousand square feet. It was so fucking spacious and it was one of the few things that made me want to consider staying here, albeit, I still didn't want to be here. 

She showed me the garden where majorly fruits were planted and we had some berries. At a point, I had to tell her to end the tour that I'd had enjoyed enough for today because my feet began to hurt and I needed a massage so bad. I really failed to realize that we'd done a lot of walking.