39

I try to keep myself busy for the next couple of days. I know I have to start a new life for myself. I ignore all Nigel’s calls and eventually I put a block on his number.

Rosa tells me I can stay with her until I find my own place and I quickly accept her offer. When she is in it is not so bad. She is funny and warm and I can push Nikolai to the back of my mind, but when she goes to work and I am left alone at the apartment, I find myself bursting into tears for no reason. I’d be peeling a pear and suddenly I’d start sobbing my heart out.

I try to write but I find that I can’t concentrate like I used to be able to. Suddenly I would be thrown out of my story and my head would be filled with Nikolai. I miss him so much. At night if I have not had at least two glasses of wine I can’t sleep. Sometimes I think of Miss One Penny and Ray and Celine. I went to the shop and bought a big box of chocolates for Sophia, but then I didn’t know where to sen