Chapter 1

“He told me he’s filing a divorce,” umiiyak kong sabi sa best friend ko. She looked at me pitifully then went in for a tight embrace. “I don’t know what to do, Mindy…”

“Oh, France…” Hinaplos niya ang buhok ko at hinayaan lamang akong umiiyak nang umiyak habang kinekwento ko sa kanya ang lahat nang nangyari kagabi. She handed me another can of beer and I drink it in one swig until I almost choked myself to death. “Maybe you should really just let him go. Ilang taon ka na rin naman kasing nagtitiis sa loveless marriage niyo.”

I sobbed and shook my head. I wished it were that easy. Sana kung gaano kadali sabihing huwag nang mahalin ang isang tao, gano’n rin kadaling gawin. “I can’t. I love him ever since we were 16. Hindi ko na ata kakayanin pang hindi na siya mahalin pa.”

She tsked as she shook her head in dismay. Gayunpaman, hinayaan niya lang akong umiyak nang umiyak habang hinahaplos pa rin ang buhok ko. “Alam mo, kasalanan ko ‘to eh,” she then uttered through an annoyed voice. Tumayo siya sa harap ko at namewang. “Dapat hindi na lang kita inasar-asar sa lalaking ‘yon. Do’n ka pa naman ata nagsimulang magkaroon ng feelings para sa kanya. Kung bakit kasi sa kanya ka pa nahumaling eh ang haba-haba naman ng pila ng mga manliligaw mo noon.”

I heaved a sigh. “Kahit pa hindi mo ako inasar-asar sa kanya, ganoon pa rin naman. Our fathers were super close, remember? Noon pa man ay gusto na talaga nila kami para sa isa’t-isa. At tsaka, regardless of your pang-aasar, I know I’d still fall for him.” 

Napailing na lamang sa Mindy. Alam kong sa loob-loob niya ay hindi siya makapaniwala sa kabaliwan ko. Alam kong may inis na siya sa akin kahit pa magkaibigan kami. Hindi ko naman siya masisisi dahil totoo namang nakakainis ang kabobohan ko sa pag-ibig. 

I spent the entire afternoon in Mindy’s place. Iyak lamang ako nang iyak sa bisig niya habang inaalala ang sinabi ni Mikhael sa akin kagabi. Pero kalaunan ay kinailangan ko nang tumahan dahil kailangan kong umuwi. 

“Dadaan pa ako sa bakery to pick up the cake I ordered,” I told Mindy, which responded with a furrowed brows.

“Cake? Para saan?”

I sighed deeply and faked a smile as I pick up my things. “It’s our wedding anniversary today…” Hindi ko alam kung mapapahiya ba ako habang sinasabi ‘yon o malulungkot. I’m so pathetic. Kahit ako ay nagtataka na rin kung nasaan na ba ang awa ko para sa sarili.

Mindy scoffed and smiled sarcastically. She even clapped her hands for dramatic effects. “Wow, what an amazing coincidence! Anniversary now, divorce later!”

Yumuko ako at napakamot na lang ng ulo. 

Pagkagaling sa apartment ni Mindy ay dumeretso ako kaagad sa grocery store para mamili ng pagkain. I plan to cook later-- kahit pa hindi na ako umaasang bibigyang-pansin ni Khael ang effort ko. Dumaan rin ako sa paborito kong bakery shop at bumili ng isang maliit na cheesecake na pareho naming paborito ni Khael. I knew it was his favorite too dahil nabanggit niya sa akin noong mga high school pa lamang kami. Back in the days when he still smiles and talks to me. 

When I got home, I wasted no time and started cooking. I decided to cook a simple pesto pasta for our dinner and when I finished cooking, I set up the table and even lit up two scented candles. Naglagay rin ako ng wine sa dalawang wine glass at inihanda muna sa fridge ang cake. Around 8 o’clock, I finished everything kaya naupo na lang muna ako habang hinihintay ang pag-uwi ni Khael. Kung uuwi siya agad pag-out sa office, ilang minuto lang ay nandito na siya dahil 7:30 ang out niya.

True enough, ilang minuto nga lang ay pumarada na ang kotse niya sa driveway. I stood up and ran a sweaty palm along the creases of my red satin cocktail dress. I also made sure that my lipstick is evenly applied on my lips, then checked my puffy eyes. Hindi tulad kanina, hindi na gaanong halata ang pamumugto nila. 

Pagbukas ng pinto ay sinalubong ko agad si Khael, although I didn’t touch him and maintained a good distance. I smiled softly, but he just stared at me. “Hey…” mahinang bati ko. Napansin ko agad ang pagsulyap niya sa dining table. “Nagluto ako ulit…”

Surprisingly, he didn’t cast me an annoyed look, but instead he nodded-- as though he actually acknowledged what I did. Bahagyang bumuka ang bibig ko sa gulat, pero muli kong ibinalik ang ngiti sa labi ko. “Magbibihis lang ako,” he said, then went upstairs.

My smile widened at pinanood siyang maglakad paakyat. Hindi man makapaniwala, inayos ko na lang ulit ag mesa kahit pa hindi naman iyon nagulo. Pagbaba ni Khael, sabay kaming naupo sa mesa at tahimik na kumain. 

It was enough for me. Kahit pa tahimik lang siya at hindi man lang sumusulyap sa akin, the fact that he’s sitting across me is enough to ease my aching heart.

When we finished our pasta, inilabas ko na ang cake. I took a slice and placed in gently in front of him, and did the same for myself. “Happy--” I flinched with my own words. Seriously, Francesca? Happy? So pathetic. “--3rd wedding anniversary…”

Hindi siya umimik, pero sinimulan niya nang kumain. After a while, he wiped his mouth clean and finally glanced at me. Napaayos ako kaagad ng upo. “I’m finalizing the divorce papers.”

Parang pumutok ang munting bula ng kasiyahan ko. I dropped my gaze and heaved a sigh. Tears welled up immediately, but I tried my best to keep them at bay. “Hindi na ba talaga magbabago ang isip mo, Khael?” I asked, although I already know the answer. Ewan ko ba. Mas gusto ko talagang sinasaktan ang sarili ko. Gusto ko pa ring marinig na magmula sa labi niya. 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Francesca,” he uttered with a deep sigh, his dark gaze piercing through my soul. “But I don’t want to keep hurting myself either.”

Unti-unti nang nagbagsakan ang mga luha mula sa mata ko. Muli akong napayuko at tahimik na humagulgol. “Is it Blaine? I heard she’s back. Siya na ba ulit ang ipapalit mo sa ‘kin?”

Silence engulfed the two of us. He stared directly at me, and I tried to fight and stare back, although I could already feel the electricity and tension burning my eyes and chest. 

“No,” he answered after a while, his brows furrowing as though what he would say next is taking every willpower he has left. “Hindi ko ipapalit si Blaine sa ‘yo, because you never even had the position in my heart, Francesca. It had always been Blaine kahit pa iniwan niya ako. It will always be her.”