It all happens so fast, it’s like a blur.
Getting deposited in a car by Jackson while all around me becomes surreal and dreamlike. I feel weirdly numb overall but there’s a simmering energy inside of me that has me on edge, overly aware and completely strung out. Snappy with the man ushering me in here and I wrench myself out of his grip and throw myself into a window seat childishly, carrying my shoes.
The bus is a small transport that seats twelve people. Long and low with pairs of comfortable leather seats on each side of the aisle and tinted windows. Like the limousine of buses. The driver looks hired, so I know to be hush-hush about what went down and I sulk like a child, crossing my arms over my chest and stare out into the dark street, tapping my bare feet against the leg as my heels nestle in my lap where I just dropped them.
Alexi shows up minutes after me looking devoid of any sort of regret, and like an automatic trigger for my wrath, my t
We get there eventually, another tense silent car ride where everyone pretends the others are invisible, and Mico just seems to be texting furiously, ignoring the brutal standoff between us. The air is heavy and dense with it and I try my best to act nonchalant and stop myself from letting anger get the better of me. I have no energy left for this and I just want to go home. I’m deflated, body aching from a night of dancing and intoxication and now I think I’m suffering the trailing effects of shock.All I want to do is lie down on the plane and block him out until I get there and can go to bed to get the hell away from him. I’m weary as the booze wears off and the night’s events take over my shattered mind to traumatise me with visions of half mangled heads.Exhausted and waning. I don’t want to fight anymore. I just feel all used up and suddenly emotionally fragile. Nerves frayed and on the verge of bawling my eyes out. I guess it’
I have worked my arse off for five days getting this club ready, and now, as opening night looms upon me, I stand out in the car park giving Feral his daily food portion. Sun blazing down on us in this gorgeous weather, warming my head and shoulders in my loose shirt dress, completely out of the norm for the time of year and I feel a little less tense than I did indoors. My nerves for re-opening night have been getting to me for days, and I’m strung up to high heaven with a constant lead weight in my stomach.I may have grown a little attached to this snarling little ginger beast and have been feeding him twice a day when I pop out here for air. It’s become ritualistic for me. Escaping my confines for breathing space to expel my anxiety and seeing to this hopeless creature. He’s starting to look a lot more appealing these days, now that skin and bone has a slight padding and thicker healthier fur.He’s staring at me from under the bonnet of the
I head back for the lift and go downstairs.I do a walk through with Jackson following me, around all the rooms and seating areas, pointing out tiny things that should be rectified before Showtime. Such as the squint light on the ceiling of the largest lounge pit in the main VIP lounge. And the lopsided fabric of one of the swags up over the stage. He goes off to find a ladder and I drill the staff who have come in early to do last minute prep on tonight’s running. I am in boss mode and trying to focus all my nerves on the little details. An area I have always excelled at.‘Keep the champagne circulating; always have full trays walking around, and keep the food going too. Treat this like a charity event where you would constantly have canapés and booze being distributed among the guests. If they are sitting, then watch for them gesturing you over. I want every single man who comes in here to feel like he has our full and utmost attention on them and
‘So what have I missed … and are we ready for nine p.m.?’ Straight to the point, no other chit-chat or mention of last week?Fine by me.Two can play at that game!If Alexi is taking the all business route to interact with me then I can handle that just fine. However, I hate that it makes me feel weirdly upset and just triggers a nerve—stupidly so.‘I took care of everything. Club’s ready, guests are sorted, and everything is in hand. All you need to do is put on a suit and look intimidating.’ I smile drily, tight facial expressions because it takes so much effort.So be normal then.Not that he isn’t in jeans and a t-shirt, it’s just like this he’s more street boxer than Mafia king and that edge of psycho he keeps in his back pocket is not so obvious when he dresses down. As much as I dislike that part of who he can be, I dislike it when he is less
Alexi is avoiding me. Party in full swing on our first night and I am completely in control of the event. I would go as far as saying our first night is a success, minus one tiny little detail …Tyler, my ex-drug dealer, that beat me half to death has come as a guest; I was too preoccupied because of Alexi to check the bloody guest list before coming down here to see. Joanne, the tit of a girl, obviously ignored the list of banned names when looking through this, or else it was deliberate, and she’s in need of a good slap. It just adds a level of extreme anxiety to my night and has me looking over my shoulder constantly always aware of where he is.I may have nothing to fear from him anymore, but he still tried to kill me and that won’t just go away. My stomach is swirling with nerves knowing he’s here, and I just cannot relax. I keep biting my lip and picking my nails and then scalding myself for showing my unease so obviously. I’m bette
I relax so fast it’s unearthly and that sense of ‘you did it this time, you idiot’ comes over me as my face curls into a wicked grin aimed the slimy arseholes way.‘Tyler … Long-time no see.’ That smooth fake charm in Alexi’s voice that I know is concealing an evil reaction to seeing this smug arse harassing me. Everything Alexi is, he won’t ever tolerate someone threatening me or insulting me; especially not in his club.He slides a hand around my waist gently, welcomingly for once, and moves me aside, so he can get past to the object of his focus. Sliding bodily as he brushes by me, and it instils in me a complete sense of calm—Alexi in control and standing between me and the prick who was trying to ruin my night.I can’t fault him when he sweeps in as my hero once again.‘Mr Carrero … just catching up with an old friend.’ Tyler looks instantly nervous, knowing his place in
I walk into the office where Alexi has been holed up for hours and rap on the door as I enter to get his attention. Dressed in another tight jersey dress today, this one is long sleeved and stretchy, black to match my mood and broken up with a gold belt that matches my killer heel shoes. I’m in sleek chic and not been in a very merry frame of mind all day. I feel like I have been tugging along a looming black cloud everywhere I go since last night, and I am just simmering with hostile energy.‘What is it?’ He doesn’t rip his eyes away from his laptop as he types, just keeps on with whatever he is doing, and I linger by the door. Mildly annoyed that he doesn’t even give me a look to acknowledge me properly, seeing as this is the first I have seen him today. He has been holed up out of my way and sending moody vibes through the whole building from afar. It feels like everyone has been tiptoeing around, and I am pretty sure he is the cause. A look o
I had no one else though, and despite everything she did to me, I would still clean her up when she was laid passed out on the floor and covered in sick. I would put her to bed and try to clean our shitty rooms in a bid to please her. I would beg for money and food to take care of us. Even after that day, I still used my own wiles and skill to make sure our house had heat and food, and I never let her starve. She didn’t provide for us, she just laid around wasted.I watched her when she was out of her face on a high, and I bathed her when she hit the sweats, shits, shakes and convulsions of withdrawal. I did my duty, and slowly over the years, all I felt for her disappeared along with her health and it became a burden instead. She taught me how to resent.I didn’t have a childhood, I didn’t know what it was like to know affection or love, so even now I find it hard to give or receive that elusive emotion in a healthy way. Mico and Jackson are slowly c