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135
Heart plummeting and head consumed with worry and frustration. I know it could just be that they don’t want to be disturbed and both have their phones on mute, I have never tried to call him at a dinner before, so I don’t know if that’s normal protocol.
I trawl my phone to see if I have Daniels’ number, or any of the other men on his watch, then try Mico again when I find none. It just goes to answerphone right away this time and I shudder. Completely overwhelmed with this and hating how overwrought it has me feeling. I’m just cut loose and lost and don’t know how to act. My brain is spewing over a thousand scenarios and visions that turn my stomach inside out. I need to stop thinking the worst but I can’t help it.
Something is wrong. I can feel it in my bones and soul, and Alexi never usually ignores his phone at any other time of day. It seems like Mico has turned his off suddenly and I start to tremble crazily.
The pa
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‘Alexi?’ I wail it frantically, as though a ghost has walked in and is trying to trick me. And before thought hits me I chuck my phone down harshly, not caring about breaking it, and run straight for him; my body finding a sudden surge of newfound strength and energy, throwing myself around his neck in a moment of complete craziness before he disappears again.I collide with hard torso, his taller height as I leap at him and wrap myself around his neck, practically strangling him with my overenthusiasm. I’m unable to stop the sobs coming over me as his familiar smell and familiar touch envelopes me completely.‘I thought you were dead.’ I blurt out through laboured breaths, trying to calm down. Shuddering from the come down of my epic emotional breakdown. I pull him close and try to convince myself he really is here. I am all but raking my hands over him to check every inch of him is unscathed, undented and truly real flesh and blood
The Carrero Contract (series book 3) 137
Alexi starts pushing into me, quick hard thrusts once he knows my body has accommodated to fit him, and he doesn’t hold back. He fucks me hard, uncontrolled passion as he pushes his weight down on me and finds my wrist with his own hand, pushing one arm over my head and holding me taut, so he can control how deep he hits my core. I claw at his shoulder and cling to him with my free arm, trying to get him as bodily close as I can. I want to taste every inch of him as I lick at his throat, his jawline and capture his lips for another scorching make-out session. I bite on his lip harshly, holding on for dear life and moaning as he screws me with a force that has us both panting and gasping for breath. His bed squeaking and creaking under the effort and I swear it might collapse.It’s not slow or even adventurous by any means. It’s more of a burning need to quickly be consumed, and as he impales me harder, bodies getting clammy with exertion and grunts and groan
The Carrero Contract (series book 3) 138
‘Cam, it’s not what you think. I swear.’ He looks ashen, I’m not sure how to read his body language, but he seems to be unsure as to what to do, and I stand like a panicked animal held in a trap. Looking for a way out and itching to turn and take off as fast as I can. My body seems frozen in fear as that predator moves in on me and my heart is almost crashing out of my ribs in response.‘Just let me go … take your club, your money, your apartment. Rip up the contracts. I don’t want them. I don’t want anything from you.’ I’m sobbing as I try to back out, but the door has swung behind me a little and I have to turn to pull it open, frantically struggling with its heavy weight and grasping manically for the handle. I can feel him getting closer as he moves in on me and it spurs my fight or flight instinct. Finding the strength to give it a mighty yank open and hightail it into the hall away from him.&lsqu
The Carrero Contract (series book 3) 139
“What?” Everything in me halts to some weird frozen moment, suspended in time and my manic panic calms instantly to surreal numbness. One questioning word jerked out of me in response to his statement.Standing in the lift facing him while he holds the doors wide, only feet apart and so close to escaping I can almost taste it.Tears stop and my body stills. I openly stare at him in complete shock. Brain stuttering on his words and unable to react whilst in a state of disbelief.I stop my noisy breakdown and hold very still, breath paused, emotion idling while I wait. The hysteria of a moment ago fades to this eerie silence between us as I pause for an explanation, an expansion of his sentence. Of a meaning to him saying the word love, to me, of all people.He can’t love me. It makes no sense. He hates me. He hurts me, he always has. But he just told me he loves me, and he will do anything to keep me.
The Carrero Contract (series book 3) 140
Suspicious of this behaviour, I keep one eye on him as I look around for my discarded items, but he stays put and watches me in that silent predator way of his. Seeming more like the man of the last few months than the sadist of pre-shooting myself in the face days.I know it’s been there all along and I was oblivious to how far it went. The little niggles that something had changed were all dismissed, and now looking at him silently observing me, I can see the uncertainty in his demeanour is very real.If he isn’t lying, if he means what he says, it explains a lot from the past few weeks—about the change in him. I just don’t understand why though.
The Carrero Contract (series book 3) 141
“I want you. That’s all there is to it. I want to show you that you don’t have to fear me and maybe prove you can trust me.” Alexi gets straight to the point, lifting my hand into his and slides his fingers between mine to hold me tenderly. I stare at our entwined digits, feeling his heat flow into my cold, smaller one and gaze at it, disconnected. The space around me is surreal as though I’m dreaming. I should lie down. I’m verging on passing out at this rate.“I didn’t know what love was, what was staring me in the face. I haven’t exactly had anything to compare it to.” Alexi sounds incredibly young once more, flitting between his normal cocky self and these glimpses of an unsure teen that are throwing me off. This is a side I doubt anyone ever sees in him and yet it's softening me to him a little.Warning signs and neon flashing lights in my brain are telling me to proceed with caution. Half my senses
The Carrero Contract (series book 3) 142
Shame washing over me as all the little bricks of my persona crumble to the ground. He will never look at me the way he did. It’s no wonder he changed.“I thought maybe if we started at where you came from then we would have an idea of where you would go.” Alexi comes and sits beside me, slowly, carefully, as though he can sense how fragile I am feeling. So many things in my head drowning him out. I don’t care where he sits anymore. The real danger is facing me in a cardboard box that he has positioned back on the table. The past catching up to me once more, and I’m so terrified if I touch even one of those cruddy, mouldy covers that everything will turn to dust and I will never recover. I don’t want those memories back.
The Carrero Contract (series book 3) 143
I put my glass down and stand up slowly, eyes on his tall, strong back as he messes with the ice cannister, fidgeting to get his excessive energy under control and I walk forward. Growing in determination and confidence, knowing this is what I should do.Watching him as I close the gap between us and sensing his own quiet despair that me knowing about what he did will send me running for the door twice as fast. I can feel his tension from afar. That scared little boy awaiting the inevitable rejection from another woman deeming him unworthy of love because of the things he was programmed to do.Who could love someone who kills so brutally, so cruelly?Me.I could.Because I understand why.No hesitation, nothing else in my head except this overwhelming feeling that I want to do this. I need to do this. I owe him this.I walk up right behind him, slide my arms around his waist and push my head against
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