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“Please don’t. I can’t bear to think of Jake that way, knowing we were both hurting and both too stupid to just be honest with each other. If we’d been honest after we did get together then the mess with Marissa would’ve never happened.” I sigh, laying my cup down on the low table in front of us.
“Honesty is very important … as is communication, and still cherishing one another even after the first throws of passion and excitement have died.” Sylvana focuses on me very seriously. “I know from first-hand experience that marriages can stray if you don’t keep a focus on what you mean to one another and if you stop telling each other how you really feel.” She pats me again and I get the impression she’s talking about Giovanni’s affair.
I have no idea what to say, or ask, or even let on that I know what she’s talking about. I
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I know Leila came through the same channels as Sophie did as a child. Sylvana’s charity is completely embroiled in taking children in from abusive pasts and I realize, in this kitchen I am among kindred spirits and I never really thought about it before. I’m not the only one with scars and memories that haunt my dreams sometimes. I’m in the fold of two other beautiful young women who have their own demons and came out the other side happier and hopeful because they let people in again and learned to trust. They both sit here now, mere reflections of who they once were, smiles and genuine laughter in the knowledge they found a better, safer loving place. I’m the outcast I used to be, I’m one of them.The warmth of the kitchen and the peaceful serene atmosphere. This is what I need. This is what I’ve missed out on my entire life; a mother, a real loving maternal mother who cared enough to show her child
The Carrero Effect 224
Maybe Jake’s come to the realization too, that going back to how it was just isn’t going to be an option for me, for us. His taking over work and leaving me alone is almost a sign that really, deep down, he doesn’t want me to go back down that path either. Jake is a lot happier not bringing work between us, knowing the stress and arguments it could cause again.He’s taken a back seat compared to how he used to work, allowing Margo and her team do both our jobs. I know she now hassix people under her control, all taking various positions and responsibilities, allowing Jake to be able to wander in and out freely and deal with only the most important things. Jake’s head is no longer embroiled in the Carrero Corporation. It’s here with me, most of the time, and our future family. He engineered his work routine to dissipate as it gets closer to the baby coming and I know he fully intends staying put and going nowhere in the last month of m
The Carrero Effect 225
I catch sight of Daniel moving in from the side under cover of shadow and he slides into a seat beside Margo, throwing her a smile, and I suddenly feel sick and breathless. Daniel most definitely doesn’t show face at corporate things. He never has. He always says it’s not his thing and bores him to tears.Warning bells are going off inside my head and that flight or fight impulse has my feet itching to head for the nearest exit. I tighten my grip on Jake’s arm for security and a sense of calm. My heart is pounding erratically through my chest, palms clammy, my body turning cold with fear. He covers my hand with his, a grounding sensation that I’m aching for, but I’m still in panic mode and can almost feel the tension radiating from him. That’s why his touch isn’t working right now because Jake’s more scared than I am and he’s transferring it rather than taking mine away. My strong ca
The Carrero Effect 226
Sylvana snaps around at his approach, guiltily, and immediately jumps up to meet him. She’s saying something under her breath, fixing his bow tie and jacket hurriedly. His hands go to his hair to calm it down, suggesting she’s pointed out that he looks a little less groomed than before, and I can’t help but watch the expression on his face, as he does what he’s told to, with zero argument. He’s completely out of his depth and nothing at all like the Jake Carrero I know and love. His eyes are raking in the faces of the people around the room, as though taking some sort of mental checklist.My stomach tightens and my hands get clammy again. His behavior is all I need to see to know I’m right about what he has planned. Only one thing could make Jake this scared out of his mind that even his appearance is something he’s oblivious of.Fuck. He’s really going to do this, isn’t he? He’s going to do this, and they
The Carrero Effect 227
The song choice from me to Jake is playing across the floor surrounding us as we sway. We’re still wrapped up in each other our eyes focused intently. The swell of happiness between us is infectious and I don’t think either of us has stopped smiling since his dance-floor proposal an hour ago. I truly know happiness beyond all bounds. I wanted to reply to his song, after all it was our tradition, and in a grand fashion to match his, the DJ was more than happy to oblige when the orchestra finally took their leave.Ella Henderson “Yours” plays beautifully across the room, telling him everything I want to say right now.He sways me around the dance floor for the hundredth time, wrapped in his arms and smiling like crazy. Feeling like I could die from contentment. People were congratulating us the whole way through the meal and neither of us has managed to stop touching the other; smiling
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“I’m not there yet, Leila. Okay? I’ve only just started getting my fucking head together but I’m doing this for you. Can’t you see that? I’m trying to sort my shit out, so I can be that guy who gives you love and commitment. I asked you to give me time and I fucking meant it. I wanted you to just give me a chance and wait for me. I fucking love you!” Daniel sounds ravaged and Leila’s stance crumbles a little. I open my mouth in shock at what he’s just said but Leila turns on him, accusingly, sheer anger in her little body as she tries to bring her height up to his by stretching.“So, I’m supposed to just hold my fucking breath and wait? For how long? Put my life on hold while you figure out if you really can give a shit about one woman? In the meantime, we do what, exactly? You still fucking around and me twiddling my thumbs?” She starts to cry as her words tumble o
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I stare at the cell in my hands for the hundredth time and sigh. My mother’s name is on the screen staring at me and I’ve contemplated pressing dial a million times. I should tell her about the baby and our engagement. She’s my mother and yet something inside of me is holding back. It’s been days since the restaurant and here I am sitting in the huge, empty garden of Sylvana’s home agonizing over what to do.Jake comes strolling out to me, carrying a blanket and a hot drink, coming level to my face with a look of adoration in his eyes. He drapes the blanket around my shoulders carefully and slides the mug in front of me kissing me on the temple.“Still undecided?” he asks gently, slipping onto the bench beside me and sits with it between his legs so he can face me and pull me close in between them, nuzzling me against him, cradling my head with his palm. His fingers thread themselves into my hair in the way he always does. I cl
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Jake holds the keys out in front of me, swinging his hand just out of reach like a torturous plaything and I lean up to swipe them. He lifts them higher and hits my mouth with a kiss when I try for a second time. He has a happy playful smirk on his face and his sexy stubbly jaw looks very delicious this morning to match his very good mood.“Stop tormenting me and open the damn door.” I giggle, and step back, folding my arms across my chest in a no-nonsense Carrero pose. I try to appear authoritative, but he just frowns and tweaks my nose in the most annoying way.“Ask me nicely.” He grins and lifts them higher above his head with a wicked look in his eye. He’s been like this since he got up and I’m enjoying the return of playful Jake. It’s been almost non-existent lately and I can only sigh at him.“Please, Jake … loving, gorge
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