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27
In the morning light I tidy up and make breakfast for us both. Scrambled eggs, toast, coffee, and a smile as Sophie wanders through already dressed in jeans and a hoody, with sneakers. Her hair in a boyish ponytail. She’s an early riser like me.
She sits awkwardly at the table as though she feels like she should be helping, but I brush it away with a warm beam and put her plate and mug in front of her. I genuinely like the girl; even in such a brief time, there’s something about her. I sit down to face her and let her eat for a few minutes whereas I can only pick at mine. My appetite is gone knowing we’re going to see my mother this morning. Teenage anxiety in full force.“So, Sophie, tell me about you … How did you end up here in Sunnyside?” I keep my tone bright and easy knowing if she’s as guarded a person as me, then she will never open up if I don’t tread carefully. She hesitates.“I ran away from home &helliRelated chapters
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The hospital is as every other in the state: clinical, white, and blue, sterile halls and rooms, and the strong odor of chemicals with a dingy taint in the air. Sophie is holding my hand as we walk, and she looks so noticeably young and afraid. My gut instinct is to haul her close to my side and place a protective arm about her shoulders and the thought makes me smile. Who knew I was maternal? I do exactly that and meet no resistance from her. Jake and his over-familiar, hands-on way of life has turned me into a touchy-feely just like him but I’m not mad at it.Does he see me this way? Is this why he’s so hands-on?That strong urge to protect me, seeing glimpses of unsure scared Emma under the mask. The thought warms me inside and I miss him so badly it aches in the depth of my stomach.Sophie seems to relax in my embrace as we walk in companionable silence. We may only have just met, but we both sense a deep instant connection with one another I’ve
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“What are you doing here?” I snap coldly, bringing my shorter height up to appear more menacing, attempting to look in control. Ice and hatred in my voice as teen Emma bristles up getting ready to defend me. Every hair stands on end.“I came by to see Jocelyn … To talk to her.” He sounds amused because he thinks I’m intimidated by him, but he keeps his distance. I reach into my bag and feel for my cell; it’s the only thing I have that I can use as a weapon. My body vibrating with nerves. I have nothing else, not even my trusty mace that used to be a constant when I lived here. I think of the baseball bat in my old wardrobe, something I slept with many a night and wonder if I can get inside to get it, to feel safer while in the presence of this monster.Would he follow me? Is he going to hurt me?“What could my mother have to say to you after all this time?” I spit, edging toward the door slowly, but keeping my gaz
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All my vulnerable woe fleets away into panic as I realize what Jake intends to do. Jake boxes and practices martial arts as a fitness regime and he used to be a scrapper in his teens, always in trouble. I know he’s a fighter, but I’m still beyond terrified. Ray and Jake are equally matched in body size, almost in height and definitely in aggression so there’s no telling what the outcome will be, and I can’t bear it.I run after him screaming his name manically; he’s much faster than I am and he’s already out of the building tearing off in the direction of a lone figure walking in the distance. Jake can run like the wind. I can’t even begin to catch up, throwing my stilettos off and proceeding barefoot, my body shedding adrenaline fast and I get a cramp in my leg so badly I fall. Panic sears through me as I try to get up, they’re too far from me to really see what’s happening but the figures have collided. They’re a jum
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In the apartment we sit drinking coffee, we don’t talk about what happened, instead, I tell him about Sophie and that I want to help her. I can’t tell him why without explaining about my mother’s injuries. I know that if I tell him Ray is the reason she’s in the hospital he will go back out and find him, drag him to the police station or worse and I know it’s pointless. My mother will never point a finger at him. I already know that she won’t even break up with him after what he’s done. She’ll be angry at me for letting Jake beat him.Such is the twisted logic of my mother.“Isn’t that what your mother does?” he asks gently. I watch him carefully, realizing I’m still scanning his face and hands for injuries obsessively. I’ve been doing it since we walked into the apartment and I still can’t rest at seeing no evidence of any, aside some bruised knuckles. He’s indestructible, like a her
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I wake early next morning, completely entangled in Jake’s limbs on my side of the bed, lying on my back. He’s wrapped around me possessively. One arm around my waist, pulling me into his abdomen so that his face is in the nape of my neck, the other behind me. His arm is bent so his fingers are entwined in my hair above. His legs looped through mine and twisted so I’m immobile in every way and I am stiflingly hot because he’s so naturally warm. I try to maneuver out of his grasp, but my efforts only cause him to pull me in tighter, making it near impossible to get out.Who knew Jake was a cuddler in bed? More like a squeezer; suffocates all life out of you.Although part of my brain isn’t surprised because he’s so hands-on and touchy-feely in every part of waking life that I guess being this way in sleep is a given. I lay still, staring at the dark ceiling for a moment listening to the heaviness of his deep breathing. He seems so peaceful
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He’s dreaming and acting out in his slumber; sleep walking in a way. I’m confused, disappointed, but also relieved and yet conflicted. He’ll never know what we did, he’ll have no memory of it. I’m not sure if I want this or not. I have no clue what the hell I’m doing, or even thinking.I think about kissing him again, trying to rouse him properly, but don’t. Instead, I slide free and get out of bed, aware of how close I just was to screwing everything up with him. Despite being completely captive to how kissing him felt, as though I’ve broken some line of trust, that I abused him in his sleep, and it makes me feel disgusting and vile. No better than my mother’s perverted lovers and what they did to me. I climb out of bed and get up quickly, in a rush to put distance between us and cool my overheated senses.I wander to the sitting room, shaking. Unsure what to feel. I’m angry and so confused.Why would I kiss
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“I want a second take so I can at least say I remember that time I made out with you in my sleep.” His husky voice sends tremors through my stomach. I wriggle free and he lets me go, grinning wildly. He tilts his head boyishly. “At least this time you’re smiling about it, Bella.” I turn to look at him knowing my face is probably puce from top to bottom, met with the relaxed easy look on his face. I shake my head and tilt it to the side to match his. His mentioning the kitchen kiss in such a blasé way makes me feel calmer. I wish I had his ability to brush things like this off so easily. Make it all out to be nothing except forgettable misdemeanors. I guess when you’ve had more bedroom romps than hot meals, it’s easy. This really is nothing to him at all.“I can’t be mad about things you do while unconscious.” I lie, fully mindful that this is all on me. A secret I’ll never tell him. He stops for a mo
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Sophie spends a half hour in the room with my mother as we wait in the hall. Jake has asked me a dozen times if I’m sure about not going in and I glare at him coldly. He clamps his mouth shut and looks away. His jaw tenses in agitation, but he leaves it alone.He just doesn’t get it at all; he has no way to understand my relationship with her when his own mother is everything you could want in a parent. Kind, caring, protective, and loyal. She would move mountains for her sons and is an advocate for abused children across all states. He wouldn’t understand.My mother is the polar opposite. I spent my childhood being her carer, protector, and mother. Fighting off aggressive men she brought home. I bought my baseball bat with money from a news delivery job at eleven and I used it more than once to shield her from overly violent arguments with her current beau. Even at such an early age; my fire and rage uncontrollable. It saved me from advances so many time
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