Back at my desk after lunch, the switchboard is flashing like mad and I Margo and Jake’s lines are busy. Nina has a few calls on hold, so I buzz her to tell her to put one through to me too. I sit down to deal with the first call and catch sight of Margo waving through to me, smiling widely. She points at her head, then mine, indicating my hair and gives me a thumbs up, which makes me grimace. I don’t think I’ve worn it any other way than up during my five years working here. I feel like I’m not dressed properly, and it bothers me far more than it should. I focus on the call.
Half an hour later, I’m lost in thought, absorbed in a financial spreadsheet Jake needs by this evening. I’ve already plowed through a mountain of work today, making light work of it and not conscious of eyes on me until I hear the movement of feet shifting on wooden floor. Looking up absent-mindedly, more from reaction than any actual realization, I see Jake Carrero is standing staring at me. Six feet from my desk! I jump with fright and my face flushes with heat and fright.Crap.“Sorry Mr. Ca … Jake … I didn’t see you there … Is there something I can do for you?” my voice is all over the place in my floundering panic. Heart thundering through my chest at a rate of knots as I dissolve into bumbling incompetence.How did I not realize that my boss is hovering by my desk?I’m supposed to be constantly aware and attentive to his every demand; this is such a faux pas on my part. I’m on my feet trying to plaster on my most friendly and efficient smile. I’m breathless. It’s the fright he gave me; I’m flustered and trying to recover quickly. Body trembling with the shock I gave myself noticing his presence.“Emma …” He too seems at a loss for words, looking at me peculiarly. An uneasiness to his expression.“I was coming to give you these … You look different!” His face is unreadable. I can’t even say what it is … I remember my hair’s down and flush because I’m not prepared; overwhelmingly vulnerable and I falter.“It won’t happen again. I took a shower at lunch, because of the heat from earlier.” I need to reel myself in and claw back cool and controlled Emma. I’m babbling. I try a steadying breath to stop myself looking like a complete idiot.“You look …” his green eyes are piercing through me and it’s sheer agony. All my little insecurities peeking up in one fell swoop.“Untidy? It’s not how I would normally come to work.” I’m rambling, and I’m fidgeting like crazy, unable to just regain control.Fuck, fuck, fuck.This is not me!Don’t fall to pieces, Emma, not now … Please. Get a grip and pull yourself together.I know it’s because he startled me; because I feel undressed, and I’m at a loss because I am out of my comfort zone, and he’s acting … strange. My breathing is labored and I’m trying to steady it without making it too obvious and doing a terrible job.“I was going to say …” he clears his throat trailing off verbally and looks down at the papers, changing his direction of conversation probably because I’m making him uneasy.Great job!“So, here, I need these copied, emailed, filed … I’m sure you know the drill.” He glances up and away again, as though he isn’t comfortable making eye contact right now.I do, yes. I do, of course I do. I don’t need direction. I need a focus.I reach out taking them from him in haste, stopping myself from grabbing like a mad woman.“Yes, sir.”“Emma … You look nice,” he injects softly, glancing at me only to make the remark and then back at his cell, which is now in his hand. I ignore the strange look of apprehension on his face and the tingles inside me ignite with ferocity. Shifting nervously, I try to steady my hands on the folder. This escalated quickly and I’m so angry with myself. I’ve literally just lost my cool and capable persona in milliseconds all because of my stupid hair. I plaster on my cool expression and smile tightly to reel it all under wraps.“Thank you, Mr. Carrero.” It’s out of my mouth before I realize I didn’t call him Jake and it’s yet another reason to silently groan.Try and regain composure. Years of control, Emma, and you go to mush in seconds.I’m beyond livid with myself.Margo appears a moment later carrying a briefcase and a jacket. I’m grateful for her sudden appearance and instant calming abilities. I glance at the wall clock noting it’s not even 2.00 p.m. and click on why they seem to be going out. I forgot they had a meeting across town at the second Carrero building and are leaving me to man the office. Carrero Tower HQ with Senior; something to do with quarterly finances.King Carrero in his ivory tower.He prefers to lord his empire in a separate building from Jake, several blocks away. I wonder if the coolness between them is why.“Emma, divert any important calls and email me if you need anything. I’ve left you a pile of folders here.” She taps a small mountain she has placed on the desk, oblivious to my making a complete fool of myself.“Work through and leave by four thirty.” She smiles, her hand coming and hooking a stray tendril of my hair and catches me by surprise.“I like this, it’s softer. You look so much prettier, more carefree and younger.” She smiles again, eyes alive with genuine affection.I try to smile and force back the grimace that rises within, uncomfortable with the attention this slight change is getting me and fully aware it will never happen again. Not entirely comfortable with the way Jake is still looking at me as she fiddles with my hair and I smooth it out of her grasp gently. Nodding with a vague expression to avoid comment.I sigh with relief when they utter goodbyes, turn, and leave. Thank god, it’s over.For god’s sake.I haul over the folders to the front of my desk and throw my hair back over my shoulder angrily.I’m angry at myself, I’m angry that Jake made me lose my cool without even meaning to. I’m angry that for a split-second old Emma resurfaced, teenage Emma. Stupid, idiot, nervous, fidgeting Emma, raised her dumb head. I just made a complete idiot of myself.I’ve spent years pushing her into the background and trying to replace her with the more capable and confident me. I don’t need her presence or her anxiety and insecurities near me. She’s a broken little girl who held me back, and the last thing I need is to see her again.It’s raining by the time I get home and I’m soaked walking from the station through the few blocks to my apartment. Sarah’s out when I get into our third-floor apartment and I take in the coziness of the small rental instantly relaxed. I’m glad to be home, surrounded by our familiar comforts and bright rooms, our feminine haven. I’m tired, it’s been a long day and I want to take a bath and go to bed.I screw up Sarah’s note, informing me she has made Mac “n” Cheese, from the counter. It’s in the refrigerator for me and I throw the paper in the garbage.The perks of living with a chef. She works late most nights and I can’t remember the last time we spent more than five minutes in each other’s company. Our lives comprise occasional brief conversations in passing, and notes on the refrigerator which suit me more than when I had to keep her company every evening.Sarah has been my best friend since f
“Nowhere in the office uniform manual does it say—have your hair tied up like a school mistress.” The two women giggle rather surprisingly, killing the whole aura of mature professionals.“We work in a very high-profile business that requires a certain attention to image.” The heat in my cheeks rises with irritation, at the giggling, and the fuss over my hair.“Emma, darling, do you realize how gorgeous those waves are? You’ve such a lovely color of hair, like pale autumn leaves.” Donna chirps over enthusiastically.I lock eyes on her blankly, trying not to dredge up images of moldy sodden black and brown splodged leaves on the New York paving stones last fall. Ignoring how uncomfortable I am looking “softer”.“She’s right, Emma. I think you look so much more natural and pretty like this. I think Jake agreed yesterday.” Margo says a twinkle in her eye. A hint of a mischievous smile lurk
Less than twenty minutes later, I’m in the back of a large SUV with tinted windows and I’m sitting mere inches away from him. My briefcase on my lap and a pen in one hand. I’m preoccupied, mulling over the weirdness of this request.“That habit is at odds with how you present yourself, you know?”I look up at his remark questioningly. The way he is regarding me, and half-smirking my way.What the hell is he talking about?I realize I have a strand of hair between my fingers, absent-mindedly twisting it. I drop it and still my hands on my lap, internally cursing him out.For god’s sake …It’s the being unprepared, it has me on edge.Nice move, Emma.I scowl at teen Emma, always peeking at me from the recesses of my mind and smile tightly in response.“Nervous habit?” he presses further, looking smugger.“I don’t get nervous, Mr. Carrero,” I respond drily.
As the car draws up to a grand hotel, I’m not relishing what’s coming, trying not to over-analyze any of this. Before I know it, his driver is opening my door. I step out as Jake follows behind me; we immediately see the hovering photographers with long-lensed cameras hung around their necks and they pique their interest as Jake slides smoothly up behind me, reaching his full height. Even without touching me, I sense him behind me. My body suddenly on high alert at his proximity. Nerves twist my insides to mush.“Ready?” he whispers and loops his fingers in mine as he comes around me to lead, pulling me toward the doormen. I can’t concentrate on much else except the uncomfortable heat of his skin on mine and the way his hand practically dwarves my own. I’ve never let anyone hold my hand … Well, my mother, maybe once or twice, but she doesn’t count. It’s not a welcome experience and I have to steel against the urge to recoil and snap my hand away. Too soft, too hot, too intimate.
I sit and pay attention as we eat from the breakfast buffet; the business merger sounds promising and I take key point notes on things he will want to recap. I listen intently to them thrash through proposals and possibilities with enthusiasm and can see that these men are genuine friends. They have a rapport you can only find between men who know each other well. Sarcasm and banter interlaced with business talk. Jake is one of the ‘guys’ when he’s around Daniel.I can’t help but notice as I’ve been sitting cross legged that Daniel Hunter has not concealed his open appraisal of me, his eyes following my legs and arms intrusively as Jake outlines some points of business. He makes my skin crawl and I’m doing my best to ignore him. I catch Jake glance my way a couple of times, with an unreadable expression before he looks back at his friend.I look up occasionally from note taking and am intrigued with the differences between them. The friendship seems genuine, but I don’t see th
It’s been twelve weeks since I met Jake Carrero and I’m no longer unsure around my over-familiar boss. In such a brief time, the forced proximity and grueling demands has carved out an amicable relationship that doesn’t completely offend me. I find him tolerable, sometimes even amusing. I’d go as far as saying companionable. I maybe even like him a little more than I ever imagined I could.The full force of my job requirements came upon me in a tidal wave after the Hunter breakfast. Margo decided to throw me in the deep end as it was the only way to test my resolve and she had slowly been receding from the picture, until now. Now she is completely absent.I run after him to meetings, carrying files and folders, a wealth of information always at my fingertips. Awaiting his commands, always up to speed with every detail he’s dealing with, always involved. He’s an exhausting workaholic with a very hand on approach, yet I’ve never been happier or more challenged. I’m content.T
The meeting is eventful to say the least. His father makes a grand entrance halfway through and everyone clears the room quickly. The two Carrero men go at it like raging bulls as I stand outside, observing the many eyes watching them through the glass. I stand with my back to them, iPad in hand as I reply to emails and I can hear them arguing in Italian so that no one else can understand what they’re saying.His father is pissed, but Jake is antagonizing him. I can tell by his tone of voice and a quick glance confirms it with his aggressive posture. He never knows when to stop. The merger could still be called off, he should be smoothing things over, not letting his feelings get the better of him.Finally, Senior storms out, yelling something in hostile Italian and Jake snorts in answer. Senior glares back at him before stomping off with a flurry of nervous assistants running after him, without a backward glance, the air crackling with tension.“Emma!&rdq
“Emma?” he looks at me pointedly, that hint of serious coming through the boyish charm.“Even women have needs.”Do they?I think sourly. I’m pretty sure I’ve never needed to go there. I tried it when I was young; non-serious boyfriends and the pressure of other kids doing it. I didn’t like it much and it only left a nasty taste in my mouth.“You would know, of course, being one hundred percent hot-blooded male.” I laugh at him, raising a brow at the man who is as far from feminine as any guy can get.“I go to bed with enough women to know it’s not only men who crave sex. There’s no way you can tell me you don’t get the raging horn, at all?” He’s a little too focused on me now and looking all too invested in this.“Jake, can we talk about something else? I don’t think I want to talk about sex with my boss over lunch.” An anxious knot has moved up