Emma is still soothing, while I just stare numbly at the floor. Suddenly nothing but emotional exhaustion consumes me, making me too tired to sit back up as numbness overtakes, and yet I know I cannot stay face down on her kitchen floor like this. I move to try weakly as she helps me slowly and surely and nestles my head against the curve of her breast, against her throat. Arms around me tight and stroking my hair back off my face, the tears still running down my cheeks as heat floods my skin.
“Emma?” I cry brokenly.
“You’re okay. I got you, Sophs … I got you. We’re okay.” Emma soothes while rocking me back and forth in her arms, like she would Mia, with gentle soothing words and I have no energy to do anything but cry. Lost in this maternal embrace, I start to sob, hopeless silent tears.
“You don’t get it … it’s him … it’s Arry.” I whisper brokenly, burying my face in her nec
I quietly walk into my family home late in the evening, sliding in unseen and head for the stairs in the hopes of getting to my room before anyone knows I’m back. I’m exhausted, mentally, and physically, and just need to go lie down and get my head together. I’m a mess, fragile, completely drained and generally just spent. I came away with so much in my head that I think my mind has shut down and gone into reboot mode in a bid to protect me from having a mental breakdown.I wept in Emma’s arms for what seemed like an eternity, before we moved to the cozy snug by the playroom, for more privacy. We talked for hours just going around and around in circles. Emma really did hit a home run with accuracy. The more we talked it out and I came to terms with it, the more I could see she was right. This was always about him!I’ve been living like a crazy heartbroken maniac for months. Flitting from meaningless man to man, unbroken over being cheated
The blinding sunlight hitting my face is followed by a harsh, stinging like hell, smack on my ass as I lay face down sleeping in bed. I lurch, shocked awake by the brutality of it and yelp like a wounded puppy. I blink blearily at the assault and the not so sweet tones of one irate, and very fucking loud, sister.“Get up, right now!” Leila’s marching around my bedroom like a moronic commander and chief on a rampage, dragging open the drapes to epic sunshine levels and obviously in a hostile mood, not that it’s new for her. I groan, leaning up to catch a glimpse of the alarm on my night table and moan harder at the crazily early hour. I’ve become a night owl living in the city, sleeping by day to get over sessions of partying, and this is almost torture.“I’m sleeping!” I mumble as another hars
I am a little more alert than yesterday now anyway. Sleep has helped, so has being roughed up and I don’t feel so distraught today. In fact, I feel like yesterday was just one massive dream and the effects are yet to catch up. I trip on my slipper as I maneuver the bright room, table already laid for breakfast, and my mother sat in a robe, bleary-eyed and chipper is gazing at us fondly. Leila has obviously ripped us both out of bed, seeing as it is barely seven a.m.“She threw me on the floor and threatened to break my nose.” I immediately point out as she sits at one end of the table, grabbing a croissant and jam as she does so. I know my dad is probably already up and showering for work and we won’t be seeing him anytime soon. He takes breakfast with him on the commute to his offices, about a thirty-minute drive away. Not that he needs to work, his company runs itself, and we are hardly poor.“Leila … Don’t be harsh on your
I’m in my bedroom, after showering and pulling on jeans and a T-shirt, after breakfast, looking a lot more like the wholesome kid of days gone by, rather than the hot mess of clubbing from days ago. My hair is up on top of my head in a messy bun of sorts, and I am texting back a so-called girlfriend ‘Sissy’ in New York. Finally, my absence has been noted, and now that I am clear-headed and have some distance, I can now see how shallow these people really are.She didn’t text to see how or where I was, she only wanted to know if I was bringing my gold card to the next party to fuel the ch
Moving to the window, looking outside to the sea view to try and hone my thoughts and emotions into one steadier more manageable block, rather than this messy, all over the place shambles. I fall to pieces when his breath tickles the back of my neck, sending a thousand tiny goosebumps across every inch of my skin and flutters in my stomach. I freeze as his arms slide casually around my shoulders from behind and he nestles against me, his jaw against my hair above my ear. I don’t move, afraid to breathe, afraid to let myself react in anyway, and try to push down all the confused signals my body starts sending out in every direction. Suddenly aware of how much we have touched each other over the years, how abnormal this really is for two platonic people who are not related. The lack of boundaries we have considering my past. I’m so confused.“Sophs, I’m sorry. I know I walked out after saying I would be here for you, but I’m trying to make things r
The panic fleeting across his face breaks my heart a thousand times more than the past two years have. I never wanted to tell him, but somehow, as with everything in my life, it always comes out involuntarily when I am with him. It’s always been this way; it’s why he knows every single sordid detail of my past. I have never been able to keep anything from him for long and I guess it’s because I have always loved him.God, girl, you are such a fool.“You think I wanted this? You think I asked to start feeling differently about you? Or to even know that’s what this emptiness has been? Don’t you think I wish I could just push it all away, and be like I was before?” I raise my palms in angst. Not sure what else to do. “I didn’t know until yesterday that this is what is even wrong with me. This is all a shock to me too, and it’s not like I don’t know that this isn’t right. I know you don&
The silence stretches between us endlessly, both looking at each other, then away awkwardly; neither sure what to say or do. I know he’s looking for the words to fix this, but there aren’t any. I know his good guy persona means he will try though, and all that kiss did was prove he wouldn’t be able to. He loves someone else and kissing me just repulsed the hell out of him. I guess he wanted to know, without just having a two-second smooch sprung on him, and now he knows. He doesn’t feel the way I do. Like I didn’t already know that, and I don’t need him standing there looking like he may pass out to remind me. His face tells me a thousand things that he doesn’t need to verbalize.“I need you to go.” I know it’s the only thing I can ask of him for my own sanity. If there had been any sort of fairytale realization he has the same feelings, he would have come out with it. It is glaringly obvious that Arrick has only eve
It’s been days since Arrick left my room and I am barely functioning. I have moped around, either at home until my mom’s pandering efforts have driven me mad, or at Emma, or Leilas’, who are equally suffocating me. Jake is my only respite, with his shrugged off chill and his ‘life’s too short’ attitude. He tends not to dwell on ‘matters’ with me and just lets me hang out. He’s keeping me sane, while everyone else is mothering me to insanity.I’m restless, listless, antsy, and just need to let off some steam to feel normal for one night. Every part of my body is screaming to go out and get blind drunk and numb for a few hours, but I’m stopping myself from going down that route again. Really trying to behave, listening to my counselor, whom I saw this morning for the first time again, and trying like crazy to keep my head above w