Chapter 90

The pain I feel, every time I look at him, it burns and I hate myself for letting him affect me as much as he does knowing that our relationship will never be.

So many things have gone wrong for us, from bad decisions to misunderstandings to disagreements to fights. We were happy once before we got into all those fights and I hate fighting, we have done it all and it is unhealthy , our past is unhealthy

what we do with it is unhealthy - there is so much unresolved tension between the two of us that I don’t know if he knows how he makes me hurt and as if we do not have enough problems already I still feel like he is hiding something from me, something big and important that I need to know about, he might say it is because it is his birthday and with it came a wierd morbid clarity or even a mid life crisis but I know Duncan, I have lived with him and studied him and I know whatever is happening to him was something more, something troubling but yet he has not said anything, maybe it's