Chapter 117

Back at the ducal estate

(Asis)

I was sure that I would be dying. I had resigned to my fate and the only thing that I wished for was that the pain would stop. The tears did not stop and at this moment, I regret doing so many things that I have done in my life. I have down this same act times with out number to many servants, so much that I would never be able to give an exact number on the number on servants.

I have inflicted this sort of pain times when I was angry and I thought it meant that I was powerful to be able to hold some one’s life in my hands. But now that reverse was the case, I can now feel the exact fear that they felt. The fear of watching some one take your life and watch them enjoy every moment of it. I also remember thinking that those servants were very pathetic to degrade themselves to a sobbing and pleading state when I did what I did but now, I am doing the exact same thing.

Why did I do that? What did we do all that we did? What are we like this? I do not like