16. Zena

“I’m not your fucking distraction,” he says. How the fuck dare he! I’m giving him, no doubts about it, the best fucking oral sex of his life and he gets a conscience? What if I want to feel dirty, used and fucking worthless. What if that’s exactly what I need to be treated like right now.

/You’re not worthless/ Sybil snaps, fizzing around in my brain like a rocket since Briss appeared.

I am. I know it. You don’t have as free and crazy a time as me without being worthless.

I feel it too, down to my bones. I’ve spent two full days sat in a cave, miserable as sin, waiting for Padgett, or maybe Ruth on her fucking broomstick, to ride and hack me to pieces. Cillian should be alive though. I’ve sacrificed whatever life I was meant to have to save the man who doesn’t even know I care.

Whatever plans Ruth had ready for a world with a dead Cillian she needs to tear them up and start again. Too much is going round my brain. Guilt for betraying Padgett, merging with confusion as to why she wa