They say that the future is a blank sheet of paper, and we are the ones that draw the lines on it, but sometimes our hand is held, and the lines we draw aren't the lines we wanted.
That is life, isn't it? A long series of what-if's that lead from one moment to the next, time never pausing for you to catch your breath, to make sense of the cards that have been handed to you. And all you can do is play your cards and hope for the best.
Well, I am not a fucking poker player.
But, ya…
Life is also a collection of moments, some good and some bad; they ultimately form the puzzle of your life. There is someone who has stood in the same dark place, that the very same puzzle as you. It's okay not to be okay sometimes. Sometimes, it's normal, healthy, and necessary to feel defeated, so you know what it's like to rise another time.
This, too, shall pass. This situation isn't your final destination. Where there's pain, there's also love. Where there's s
The drive to the Hospital is near to torture as I feel torn away from Isabella for each ticking second too long. The only thought that consumed me as I sat there in silence, trying my best not to show the tears that wanted to burn with pain down cheeks that had gone pale and near damn cold, the only single thing that ran through my mind is that all of this is my fault.If I were not fucking cheating on her with Caylee, then none of this would have happened. I will wallow in my own misery rightfully deserved if anything has to happen to her.So here I am, I am standing in a godforsaken waiting room. With each second that the clock ticks to a minute, there is a small piece of me that is slowly dying.The hardest thing in life is having patience. They say the longer something takes, the better the outcome. Well, I say it is bullshit.We have been waiting like what seems forever. Everyone is trying their level best to calm me down and assure me that everythin
To say that I have not died a million deaths for the past few minutes would be a slight understatement. Not only did I have the fear that Isabella got seriously hurt, but now I have the fear that something has happened to our unborn child.But as I stand here, it appears that Isabella is unharmed, though much to my very frustration, there is something else that is going on, and these two smiling faces are not telling me what is going on.Well, my restraint is thin, and I am about to snap if one of these two does not speak this instant. Though it does not like that is going to happen.That relief that I felt only but a moment ago has now turned into fear that there is something more that is going on. I can simply not bear if something has happened to the baby, for I will be the one that will be directly blamed for that.So ya…Isabella is not acting herself.And next to her is a useless Doctor that is acting even weirder.Well,
Life does not always go as you plan. Your best-laid plans are sometimes going to fail. The question is, how do you deal with failure?Well, life is made up of these defining moments; it is up to you how you let these moments affect you, for they shall shape who you are and what you will become.And as I stand here, afraid to take that final step forward, I know that the moment I do my life will be defined by the only thing that is going to make me happy for the rest of my life.So with that final step...I am standing and staring at the most overwhelming experience I have ever felt in my life. I cannot believe that this horny ass made that? If there would ever be something I did the best in my life, then this baby boy will be it.There are no words that can describe the emotions that are flowing through my body as I peek very hesitantly into the incubator. A feeling of perfect warmth settles over my skin as a thousand feathers tingle my senses.
...Isabella POV...Life can be so unpredictable sometimes.You always seem to think that you have everything planned down to the very last moment, the very last detail with absolute perfection. You have your plans laid out and know when to expect what it is that should happen in your life at a certain time.But then you make one reckless decision, and everything gets thrown out of balance. The unexpected seems to follow you around the corner, and your life is in turmoil for the bad choices that you have made.If I had been more cautious and not acted on impulse, I would not have gotten into that car like a maniac and put the lives of not only myself but that of my child in danger. So taken that each cause has a reaction, here I find myself as a direct result of something that I could have handled in a far better way.But life does not always go as planned, and I can say that this is one plan that I am happy that did not go as it was supposed to pla
It has been two days now since our little baby boy was born, and I can still not get enough of staring at him while he sleeps so peacefully. Never have I seen something so precious and yet so fragile.These past two days have been very challenging, not only for our boy but for Isabella and me, as we go through the ups and downs of him being born so early.If I say that the things that the Doctor mention does not scare the living shit out of me, then I would be lying. Talking about survival rates and complications is near enough to drive any man beyond the fear that only nightmares should be made of.As things stand at the very present, we are patiently waiting for his blood pressure and heart rate to start stabilizing. He is hooked up to so many tubes and wires that my heart breaks every time that I look at him.My only desire is to hold him, and I can see that it burns deep within Isabella as well, but at this stage, the Doctor wants to move him as littl
…Isabella POV…They say that you can't push back a wave.Well, I am standing on the beach about to be pummelled.If I had known that day that I was going to break, I would have chosen differently. I could have prevented it all together; I would have. Through everything, I did the best that I could to stay alive.It was lurking in the darkness, just waiting to strike and make itself known.It took my dreams and left my life in pieces.It was like a shadow that clung to me every day. A companion that I have had for years now.I fell so hard and so fast that I had to be hospitalized for a week.Type one, rapid cycling with moods congruent psychosis, which apparently is a devastating and severe form of Bipolar Disorder.They told me that I had a mixed episode, which is dangerous. It has a tremendously high suicide risk, higher than a major depressive episode, which did explain a lot. Because when I decided to h
Isabella is hiding something from me.She has not been herself, acting rather over-stressed and if I dare to even say it, but she is more edgy and moody than what she normally is.We are taking Braydon home tomorrow and I can honestly not wait. Though the enthusiasm with Isabella seems to be lacking. I am putting it down to her only being nervous.But there is definitely something up with her.But putting that aside, we both have not had a decent night's rest for the past two weeks and from here on end it is not going to get any better.So while Betty and my mom are looking after Braydon, Isabella and me are going home for a much anticipated rest.With that, I lace my fingers in hers, and we make our way out of the room. Passing by my father, I only give him one nod, and we make our way down the stairs to the outside of the Hospital. It is with a slight bit of urgency that we find ourselves getting into the car and making the trip home in fa
…Isabella POV…I watch him as he is busy getting dressed. He is one of the sexiest men I have ever seen and probably the only one that I will ever be with.Clayton Jackson is definitely a price that any woman would love to have.So it is with nothing but that fucking gorgeous smile on his face that he leans over and places his lips softly against mine, "I need to go, boo."As I take his lips for mine to taste, I only softly whisper, "What time will you be back later?"He fumbles a bit, looking for the right words, "I am going to be a bit busy with Harrison, but I will come home as soon as I can."I nibble at his bottom lip for the last time, "Then I will see you later."And with that, he takes that goddamn tight ass out the door, leaving me rather frustrated.Well, I can… Let us rather think about this one.I will make my own appearance at Harrison later, he just does not know that