Four times…
Four times it took me to stop myself from sending Isabella a message.
I cannot stop thinking about what she must be going through. My damn heart bleeds so much for her.
But what makes me bleed even more is knowing that he is there; he is holding her the way that I am supposed to be holding her.
Why did things turn into such a fucking mess?
Maybe just once.
Maybe if I just speak to her once, then I will feel better.
Maybe just once.
So for the fifth time, as little as in four hours, I pull my cellphone from my pocket. I look over the camp that is still, and without causing much of a notice, I walk to the very tree where I feel I can just be myself and let my heart go.
As I sit down, I play all the reasons in my head why I should not be doing this. What if James is with her? What if she does not want to speak to me?
I just want to know if she is okay.
So I swipe up and find her number. In n
It has been three weeks since things between Isabella and me have fallen apart. I have come, in my own weird way, to accept that it has come to a spectacular end. I have on the occasion, and might I say too many, but I have had the desire to phone her. I find myself with my phone in hand near sending her a message quite often. But between Galland and Cayley, I have managed to come to a point where I can say that I am moving on, slowly but at a certain pace.What I have also done is not been out on a mission with the squad either. I pose a bigger risk at getting myself, and even far worse, one of my men killed with my mind that just lacked being there.It is early morning; the camp is still dead silent, with only but a few Marines wandering around. I have come to the only place where I can breathe and free my mind. My haven, the tree on the far side of the camp. The light does not reach here, and it is eerily quiet. Only with a few bugs buzzing and the clear, beautiful
I would love to believe that I am playing with fire, but then I need to remind myself that Isabella is not present in my life anymore. Yes, it does still bring a sting to my heart, but it also makes my heart feel at ease that I am allowed to feel something for Caylee. What? I do not know.Some would say it is rebound, and others say it is lust. For most at camp, it is something to tease the Lieutenant over. Whichever it is, I simply cannot get enough of her. When I think of her, the feeling I do feel is…my heart hurts, but it hurts in a good way. Have I opened that box completely?Not yet…but god do I wish I could.We have kept whatever it is that is developing between us a rather great secret; in a way, I am back to keeping secrets again, but this, well, this is one that I enjoy keeping. I know that our relationship, well, if it is at that stage yet, but I know that it shall come out sooner or later.Now I am not concerned about the boys he
On my ass, in the mud.That is what you get if you stare at a woman's hips and do not look where you are going.Was it worth it? Well, my fucked up leg might tell you otherwise, but yes, I think I got in a full eye's view.So with a very much bruised and most definitely blistered leg, I get into the Humvee. Now, I don't know by the smile on her face if she is amused or slightly concerned.But the moment she leans forward and places her delicate fingers on the top of my prosthetic leg, she softly whispers, "Clay, are you okay?""We will see as soon as we get back. But yes, next time, refrain from swaying that ass so much."She only but bursts out in laughter, the rest of the Humvee only but whimper little chuckles underneath their breath. But the moment that Galland tries to even utter, I give him one full slap against his head."Get us out of here before I slap you even harder.""Well, Lieutenant, are you sure you don't w
I watch as my phone is persistently lighting up with Isabella's name. There is the biggest desire to just ignore her and pretend that she never called. But she has phone three times now, and it does have me rather concerned.So as I watch Caylee disappear down the camp, I swipe up and take Isabella's call."Hey, Isabella.""Hey, Clayton. I did not think that you would answer.""Well, you did phone three times, so I thought that it would be pretty pointless ignoring you."I hear as she bursts out laughing. Now, that is a sound that I have not heard in a while. I can only imagine how she is holding her chest as the laughter started rumbling from deep in her belly. She always did know how to brighten one's day with one of those deep heartfelt displays of complete happiness.Does this then mean that she is happy? I think there is a part of me that thought that she might be phoning because James has left her heartbroken. But, let me not jum
It has been tough since I spoke to Isabella. I can honestly say that I have pushed Caylee away since then. Now, I wish I can say that I don't know why. But I do.I still have feelings for Isabella.Now, what feelings? I have been too scared to think about it. I have been too scared to explore my heart to find out what they are.We have three months and a week to go; things have been what I expected. The excitement, the passion, and the risks. But what I have not expected is Caylee. Now, this is another feeling I am now scared to explore.And that brings me to this. Why do I need a woman to make me a man? Why do I need a woman to make me forget about another? Not that I am saying that Caylee is a rebound, but I have heard the stories going around at camp.Now Caylee and I have not gone all the way yet, and now more than before, I am asking myself why? What has changed that I don't desire her so badly?I wish I knew all the answers
Complete static. That is all I hear. It feels as if my world has come crashing down on me.I am not losing a man today. I am not losing a squad, and most of all, I am not losing Caylee. So it is with absolute frustration that I sit in a few agonizing moments and frantically try to get hold of Lewis and the Marines that were with him. I call for another unit to give me an update."Matthew. Come in.""Go ahead, Lieutenant.""Status on Lewis and his team.""They are under control now.""And Caylee?""Taken a shot to the chest. But her stats is fine.""Thank god! Get your asses back here.""Affirmative Lieutenant.""Roger. Over. Out."With that, I sigh in relief, once again, I should not, but I know the boys are coming back home and that Caylee is still alive. Now, this is a different kind of relief that I feel. Perhaps not the one that I truly thought that I would.So it is with anticipation that I wait
The moment that I heard that Caylee had gotten hurt, I could not bear thinking of how I would feel if I ever had to lose Isabella out of my life completely. I know it was the messed-up time to realize this, but I knew that I had to let go of this thing I thought I felt for Caylee. I was making her a way to run away from my pain, to deal with the heartache whenever Isabella pushed me away.Now here I am sitting, and I am asking the woman that I said I never want to see in my life again to take me back and somehow, even perhaps, forget that any of this has happened. My heart will not take to be even further rejected. I simply cannot live without this woman, and if she will give me half a minute, I will prove this to her.Is she will only say a word."Isi, did you hear what I said?""Yes, I think I did. Well, at least that is what my mind says.""Please, say something?""Clay, I, I think I must go. James is going to be home any minute."
…Matt POV…Now, I have been wanting to make this walk for a while. I don't quite know if it was to give Isabella a piece of my mind or if I wanted to give James what he deserves. Guess I will find out.As I step onto the porch, I need not even have to knock for James swings the door wide open, "What can I do for you, Jackson?""You can start by calling me by my name.""I don't need to call you anything. What do you want?""I am here to see Isabella.""Well, she is not here."Just the sight of this man makes me want to punch that goddamn ugly face of his in. I know full well she is here, and I am not going to stand here and play games with him."I want to see Isabella."Just then, Isabella steps out from behind him. It seems that she has been crying for his makeup has run down black over her cheeks. As I try to reach out for her, the asshole slaps my hand away."Oh, no, you did not just do that."