Chapter Forty-Seven

A few hours earlier...

Kissing Luca is always a magical moment and I'll never deny that. It lights my soul on fire, and all I can think about for hours on end is how his lips felt against mine and how my heart was in my throat when he touched me.

But after the moment, a wave of guilt crashes into me, so powerful that I lose the ability to breathe. I can't kiss him without thinking about Mary. It's sickening and wrong, and it fills me with shame so deep that it can't be unrooted. Luca notices. Of course he does. He notices everything and although I'm flattered that he pays so much attention to me, it's frustrating not being able to keep this a secret.

I close the front door behind me and lean against it. I wish I could be more open to this; to him. I wish I could throw myself in his arms without feeling so much remorse. Things would be so much easier, and I'd be able to say to myself that I love him. The words are on the tip of my tongue but there's something pushing them back and fo