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The One He Never Claimed. 26.
I rock my body from side to side to keep myself calm as I stand by a bench at a park that reminds me too much of my childhood. I remember mom banning me from coming here because Liz and I always got so dirty after our playtimes. It was also where I had my first major fall that landed me in the emergency room where I had a cast put on my arm for a month. I'd been in so much pain but that's an experience I'll never trade for anything.A lot of people drew and wrote a lot of things on my cast, a lot of random things that didn't mean anything. But Liz used to put stars on it every day. She never told me why she did that at the time but she'd eventually told me that every star was for every day that I got through it, every day I accepted my situation. She said that I was a star every day for making it through.What was so funny was that she also didn't know what it meant at the time. We were 6-year-olds who didn't know what was happening beyond playing, eating, and sleeping. But hearing he
The One He Never Claimed. 27.
"What did you get him?""This stupid gadget thingy he hasn't stopped talking about for pretty much this whole year."I say unconsciously rolling my eyes when I think about how he hasn't stopped mentioning the flying metal camera thing."What about you? What did you get him?"I ask and she sighs before,"I've been wanting to run this past you..." she says before pulling out a -"Oh. Uhm." I feel my heart tighten just a bit."That's lovely." It really is, it's just that..."Your mom's watch." She says taking the words out of my mouth.She bought dad a watch, which is really nice. But dad has never in all the years I've been alive taken off the watch mom bought him years ago. Even more so after she died. I think it's his way of carrying a part of her with him. And she seems to know that because,"Oh Alex, I should've come to you first. This is stupid, I obviously don't want to take the connection he has with your mom away. I don't ever want him to think that." She says sweetly and I give
The One He Never Claimed. 28.
"Hello!"I scream again on the phone to the person who's been calling me too many times but doesn't say anything. I know they're not butt-dialing me because I can hear them breathing through the phone. So the person is either nervous to say something or this is a stupid prank someone is playing on me."Hello!" I say again now getting annoyed. I'd thought if I give the person more time they'll eventually master up the courage to say something. But,"Listen here! Whoever you are, I gave you a chance. But if you're gonna keep doing this then I'm just gonna block your number." I finally say right before I remove my phone from my ear to hang up but,"She called me before she died. She wanted to see me but I had an event." He sounds so sad that I almost completely missed him, I'm not used to this emotional side of him. He was never an expressive person. I know who he's talking about, but when I saw him at the graduation ceremony he looked like he was coping, more than coping. He looked li
The One He Never Claimed. 29.
I lower my body down the car seat so my stalking victim doesn't see me gawking at her and I groan when my foot collides with the metal seat adjuster."She's not even pretty." I lie. She's very pretty."Yeah, definitely don't know what he sees in her," Liz says. I know she doesn't actually think that too but I appreciate her effort to make me feel a little less crappy. I also appreciate her joining me in something I know she had to really force herself to do. I didn't ask her to come with me but I know she came to make sure I don't do something stupid.This is something I want to be mad at but I can't seem to be, mostly because I don't know if I wasn't going to do something stupid had I been alone. Well something even more stupid because what we're doing right now is definitely up there in the level of stupidity."What did he say?" She asks and I don't respond immediately because I'm still trying to grasp the words he'd shook me with. But also because I know what she's going to think w
The One He Never Claimed. 30.
I haven't seen dad in a while. A part of me is surprised that he didn't blow up my phone with calls and messages after I'd left, but I also don't blame him. I think sometimes you just get tired of trying, and that doesn't necessarily mean you don't care or love the person anymore... at least I hope not.It hurts to think that dad might've given up on me but I guess I left him no choice.As I sit in the car on a driveway that holds too many memories, I wonder if I'm still allowed here. I wonder if he's going to welcome me back home or simply say I should go back to where I came from. That would be fair now, wouldn't it?Liz left me in the car to go inside the house after I'd told her I needed to take a breather before coming in. I'm imagining she's inside now begging dad to allow me to come back home. I hope he does because I don't know where I'll go if he doesn't allow me back. I wasn't really thinking much when I told her to take me home, but now that we're here I can't help my ranti
The One He Never Claimed. 31.
"How are you feeling? About everything." I let myself really reflect on the question. I mean I've certainly had better days but I'm also doing about a thousand times better than I was a few weeks ago. I was a literal mess and it's hard to believe where I am now. I'm not necessarily great but I'm definitely in a good space, in a better space. I don't say all that to him though. I instead say,"You do know I'm the adult here right?"He's 8, what does he know about depth?"Oh c'mon Lex, you never let me ask stuff. How am I supposed to be like you if you don't teach me?" He asks the question I've now heard too many times with a frown. I've begged him to please not end up like me, I'm yet to give him a reason. Putting it in simpler terms would be that I'm the last person anyone should ever look up to. I have no sense of direction whatsoever, but I'm not going to tell him that."You're too young to ask these questions Josh, I tell you this all the time," I say to him. Truthfully he's quit
The One He Never Claimed. 32.
"Hi mom. Third time this week, you're probably already tired of me." I say then chuckle lightly. I've gone from visiting only once a year to a few times a week. This is of course something I hadn't been able to do before but since I'm finally coming face to face with my demons, I feel that it's necessary. For my healing."I started seeing someone."About a week ago I decided to put myself out there again."Relax, a therapist." I release another chuckle. After a while of contemplating, I'd decided to go down this path. I don't think that I'm still crazily affected by the things I'd been through like I was a few years ago, at least not so bad that I need therapy. But I'd decided to seek that just to have someone who doesn't really know me to talk to. For a fresh perspective."My sessions are only once every three months. She said that I don't need frequent visits." I smile when I say that. I'd been shocked at first of course because if there was anyone who needed therapy, it was me.
The One He Never Claimed. 33.
"Hey, you're not allowed to peek!""But...""Josh!""Fine..."He responds in surrender then lets me put the palm of my hands back on his eyes.He's even worse than me at surprises."Are we there yet?""Almost. Just a few more steps... And - you can open your eyes now!"He conforms and then,"Uh... I don't get it.""Open the box," I say to him in a duh tone but I'm not surprised when he then says,"But what was the point of closing my eyes if it's in a box?"Josh has a smart mouth that I still try really hard not to slap."Ok I guess that was a little dramatic but open the box Josh jeez," I say to him annoyingly but also excitedly. I can't wait to see his face when he sees it.He then doesn't waste any more time before opening the box and then,"You're kidding me!""Nope.""Alex, is this a prank?""Ooh, that would've been a great one hey? But no it's not."I say then laugh when he jumps up and down holding the red piece of paper."My friend is one of the players for the eagles and he p
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