TANIA
I sat on the floor of my childhood bedroom with my knees hugged to my chest while rocking back and forth. My gaze had latched onto the painting of wings on the wall and it hadn't faltered since. This was a special type of torture. Not physical but psychological. They were mocking me, reminding me that I no longer had wings of my own as if the sharp stabs of pain emanating from my back weren't enough.
My father had retrieved me from the cell after a day. He had been the one to bring me food and he had been the one to note that I ate not even a single morsel. Zephyr thought that bringing me here would help me. It did the opposite. It led me deeper into the darkness of my mind, allowing them to feed off my misery until I felt nothing. Not the cold of the room at nightfall. Not the heat of the sun when a sliver of sunlight caressed my skin. Not joy or pain or loss. I just didn't feel.
It could have been mere hours of me sitting like this, most likely days. I didn't care. Without my wings, I was shamed. I would have preferred death over this. No matter what I had done, my people would have at least feared me. Now...
Now I was as transparent as glass. Nothing. No one. Not even worth a single glance. It wasn't worth it, living wasn't worth it. I was well and truly broken. At odd times, when my eyes burned and I was forced to blink, the light of the thread incinerated the darkness. When my thoughts became too consuming, I would tug on the thread and a sense of safety blanketed me. I didn't understand it but I didn't totally hate it. It warmed me.
The sound of the door opening registered at the back of my mind but I didn't care to glance at whoever entered. Only, the atmosphere in the room admittedly changed. It became electric, the zing of it dancing over my flesh teasingly. I began taking in deep breathes through my mouth and the taste of cinnamon greeted my taste buds as if I had been sucking on a cinnamon stick.
Before I could stop myself, my head whipped to the entrance, and the darkness lulling my pain shattered. Everything I suppressed surfaced when my gaze collided with the honey-eyed, red-haired Alpha. He was here for revenge. He was here for his pound of flesh just like Kali but what more could I offer when I had already given the most precious part of me away unwillingly?
He didn't know that I didn't mean to harm the Hounds mate. She put up a fight that I never anticipated and I had to fight back to subdue her. He didn't know that I didn't want to hurt his mother, it was his sister that I was targeting. He didn't know that I didn't care about the human siblings of the vampire. I figured he would get to them in time to change them. I didn't think that human girl would die.
And what I did was not only because of my need for power even though they had starved me off it. It was something greater. He knew none of it.
My heart thrashed wildly and my vision blurred with hot tears. I scurried back, wishing I had access to the earth so I could use it to swallow me whole and then suffocate me. Maybe that would satisfy him.
The red-haired Alpha edged toward me, hands raised. It was then I dipped my gaze down his shirtless body that was toned and carved with muscles so taut, it probably felt like granite beneath my nails. I followed the blurred ridges of his abs, down the V to the light sprinkling of ginger hair that disappeared beneath low riding sweatpants.
"Hey," he whispered the word as if he were speaking to a wounded animal and the thread in my mind caught alight, "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you."
I pushed away, scuttling across the lush carpet on the floor, "Stay away from me," I hissed but my tone lacked the bite it usually had.
There was a gentle tug on the thread and a blanket of calm settled over my shoulders, "I'm not going to hurt you," he reiterated and crouched to reach a hand out to me. With his knuckles, he caressed my cheek and warmth paired with something tingly skated over the flesh, "if I wanted to hurt you I wouldn't have saved you, my beautiful darkling."
I was the way he whispered the words 'My Beautiful Darkling' that had my erected walls shattering as if they never existed. The tears pooling in my eyes fell and fell with no end in sight as ugly sobs burst from my lips. I reached out to him and he let me wrap my arms around him while he shifted me on his lap. My nails clawed at his skin, leaving angry red marks over his pale skin as I went on in an unintelligible voice about my wings being gone.
When he coiled his arms around me, pressing against my sore back, I yelled in pain. It was nowhere close to healing. All that remained was risen charred twin peaks that I kept hidden under a shirt I had thrown on.
The Alpha growled and pried me off him even when I shook my head in protest. I felt safe in his arms and, even though it held no logic, I wanted to remain there to absorb that safety. He carried me as if I didn't weigh a thing — considering I hadn't eaten, I probably didn't weigh anything — shifted my white locks to the side and lifted my shirt.
The sound of him sucking in air through his teeth had goosebumps littering my body, "Who did this to you?" He growled menacingly. When I didn't answer, he said more gently, "Beautiful Darkling, answer me so I can find them and make them pay."
I broke out in another round of tears and launched myself off him, whirling on him like a tornado changing its path, "You. You did this."
It was irrational. It wasn't his fault. But the pain ebbed when I didn't have the shoulder all of the blame.
Some emotion I didn't care to decipher flashed in those honey wells, "Me?"
"You," I swallowed down the lie like a shot of vodka, "you killed her. You pulled out her heart and I paid with my wings."
"I had to," his features morphed into the pain that tainted my blood, "it was either you or her."
"You should have let it be me," I nearly screamed but I had no energy, "death is better than being shamed!"
"No!" Honey swirled with onyx and a growl laced his words, "I would pull out a thousand hearts if it meant you not dying."
"A thousand hearts will never repair my wings," I did yell this time because this man's words had my heart fluttering and I hated it, "why are you here? What do you want from me?"
"We can talk about that later. First, let's get you showered and feed you," concern colored his tone.
I held my hands up when he moved toward me again, "Touch me and I'll show you exactly how dark I can be."
"You can't do that," my father's voice cut in — I hadn't realized that he was there, "all your powers have been cut off," he gestured to the neon silver bands on my ankles and wrists.
They were magical binds that cut off magic — elemental and dark — with a hint of iron inside it. I couldn't control the shadows or siphon but I could feel the darkness course through me because I was born of it.
"Let me help you," the Alpha urged, "please Tania."
I almost swooned at the way my name sounded on his tongue. Instead, I painted a scowl over my face, "What do you want, Alpha Sylvain Wilde?" I gritted.
I knew his name. I had done my research on him and his family.
"Right now, all I want is to help you and get food in you. After that, I'll answer all your questions as long as you answer mine. We have a lot to talk about."
I hated that he sounded sincere and I loathed that I knew neither man in the room would drop this. They insisted on finding new methods to torture for me. It was now being stuck in a wolf's company.
There was another tug on the thread and I caught the way Sylvain's eyes narrowed marginally. I tugged back and watched the way his fingers curled into fists.
No.
It couldn't be.
I tugged again — or more like yanked with all my strength which had a low growl rumbling in the base of Sylvain's chest.
"I think she's figured it out," Zephyr mumbled.
I shot to my feet with pure adrenaline running its course through my body. Sylvain shot to his and let me shove him against the wall, not caring to defend himself, "What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything," I said conversationally.
"How is this possible?"
"I don't know."
"Undo it!"
"There's only one way that I know of."
"What is it?" I seethed, getting in his face. His balmy breath — coconut I deduced — begged me to close the space between us.
Stupid wolf bond.
Reluctance was what I saw on his face as he gnawed at his bottom lip. He didn't have to say the words. I knew it. I had been taught about these bonds growing up. When my parents thought I would join their stupid, pathetic council, I had learned about these wolves.
"Rejection," I spat the word and watched Sylvain brokenly shake his head.
"No, please," he pled, "please don't subject me to that. I don't want to lose my wolf, or worse."
"I didn't want to lose my wings but here the fuck we are. Have you forgotten so quickly? Is this bond so powerful that it blinds you to who I am? I am not the good guy. I don't do what others want. I do what I want and I do not want this, mutt."
"Please, we'll find another way. There has to be one," as if a lightbulb went off in his head, he said, "there is one. The Hellhound mentioned it. We can find another way if that's what you want. Just don't reject me. I'll beg if that's what you want. I'll tear my hair out, and be your slave. I'll do whatever you want, just don't reject me."
I didn't care for anything he said. What I wanted he couldn't give me, "I want my wings back."
"Then we'll find a way to get your wings back. I'll find a way to get your wings back," his heart was so pure. So good.
It had me stumbling back a step with shock lighting my features, "What?"
"You want your wings back, we'll get them back, Tania. There has to be a way. I refuse to believe that there isn't one," he breathed.
"Why?" The word was barely a whisper.
"Why not?" Was his response.
"Because I've hurt you and the people you love," I stated blandly, feeling fresh tears pave their way down my face.
"The Moon Goodness mated us, linked us because we both needed each other. But it's up to us whether we want to accept her gift or not. I accept it but I will not force you to," he stated with a shrug but his shoulders drooped forward in defeat.
We had no deities or Gods. We had the elements which made up nature and that was it. Even in the Old World, my kind never believed in divinity. We drew our magic from the Earth. No one up in the Heavens created bonds for us. No one up there favored us so I found it difficult to believe that some Goddess had tied us together for whatever reason.
However, if not rejecting him gave him the motivation to find a way to get my wings back, then maybe I could hold my tongue. I needed my wings and I never heard of a fae ever getting them back once they were lost. But, like Sylvain, I was choosing to believe that there was a way to return them to me.
"Fine," I relented, leaving my face blank, "I won't reject you but you will find a way to break this bond and get my wings back in return," with anger fueling my actions, I stomped away to my adjoining bathroom so I could be away from the Alpha.
TANIAHe stayed with me as I ate, making sure I finished at least half the portion of mash, chicken, and peas that were brought up to us. Then, he ushered me into bed, jaw ticking mercilessly each time I winced at the sharp pain that lashed my back with every small movement. I laid on my side, ignoring the electrical current that shot through my body when his skin made minimal contact with mine.Using the tips of his fingers, Sylvain shifted my white locks off my forehead and tucked them behind my ear. His smile was gentle and it had my gut twisting because I knew, if it weren't for the stupid bond that wolves had between mates — the same bond that was inflicted on us — he wouldn't have been here now offering me that gentle smile.Some wolves couldn't wait to find their mates, from what I had learned, most didn't share the sentiment like me. I didn't like the idea of someone dictating my life a
TANIA I curled up at the bay window, hugging my knees to my chest, and glared at the gray clouds that hid the sun. My ears were trained on the sound of pelting water as Sylvain took a shower in the adjoining bathroom. My father had brought some clothes for him to wear and permitted him to use the forest within the wards whenever he needed to shift as long as he left our people alone. I was learning that Sylvain could be very compliant if it meant keeping the people he cared for happy. He could read a room and act accordingly, never making someone feel uncomfortable. The sound of the shower shutting off had me fumbling on a loose thread of the hoodie I wore. It was loose so it wouldn't brush against my back. My gaze didn't waver from the dull clouds when I heard Sylvain amble into the room with a growl vibrating the back of his throat. He seemed to have woken up in a bad mood and I knew better to get on his nerves when I
SYLVAIN One of the many guards in and around the estate led me to the library Zephyr and Tiana had beneath their home. The place was huge and the scent of dust, old paper and leather, ink, and wood filled the room. Tall walls were made of stone with veins grown with magic clinging to them—every vine had a vibrant flower which allowed an undertone of something sweet to longer in the air. I stuffed my curled fists into my sweatpant's pockets and clamped my molars shut so they wouldn't stutter against the cold draft. There were no windows, just ever-burning flames placed strategically across the vast expense of the library to offer a warm glow whilst keeping the books protected from their heat. It was beautiful and it made me feel almost envious that they had this sort of magic to bend to their will. For a brief moment, I almost understood how Tania must have felt. She gr
TANIA"We're looking for her, you know," my dad murmured in a soft whisper, seating himself at the foot of my bed."Not hard enough," I bit back, hissing at the way my body tensed at the mere mention of Kali. Running my fingers through my white locks, I added, "and even if you catch her, what do you plan to do? It's not like you could punish her for something you would have done anyway. Mum hasn't even spoken to me, let alone come here just to set eyes on me. ""You did threaten and almost kill her friends and the people they love," Zephyr deadpanned with a tight smile.A growl built in my throat and then left my lips before I managed to tamper it down, "Just because they are part of the council it doesn't make them her friends. Her priorities aren't in the right place.""And yours are?" My father challenged, peering up at me.I stood in front of him with
TANIAHis mouth stamped on mine and my eyes widened. Not in fear, or surprise. It was wonder that flooded my obsidian eyes. Wonder because his lips on mine were warm and soft pillows even with them being chapped from fatigue. But even that wasn't the most surprising part.No.What had wonder slithering through my body and infecting my blood was the sparks that somehow burst from our point of contact. I stood there, stunned into stone because I wasn't sure how to react. Sure, I wanted to push him away but the bond wanted me to whirl on him and tug him into me until there wasn't a stitch of space remaining. My mind and soul were playing a tug-of-war game with the bond and I knew, I just knew, that whoever my heart sided with would eventually win.I just stood there, with my front pressed against the wall and my back pressed to the hard ridges of his muscles. And, eventually, I moved my lips
TANIAWe were in the gardens that surrounded the estate. It had been a week since I had joined Sylvain on his almost nightly runs through the forest that was beyond the well-maintained gardens. We could have easily used magic to tend to the gardens. We could have easily kept the flowers in full blood as if it were a never-ending spring but we found that it sucked the joy out of the natural cycle of life. Everything was meant to die, to wither away and give space for something to grow anew.However, we did such a good job of maintaining the gardens that Sylvain initially thought we used magic until he saw fae tending to the gardens on their hands and knees.It was beautiful, watching a flower go through the cycle of life within a few days or weeks. The garden during the winter months was blanketed with knee-deep snow. Icicles would cling to the bare, thick brunches of the trees that lined the paved path thr
SYLVAINThe moment the words 'show me' left Tania's lush lips, I clutched a hand on her shoulders. She was so consumed by the shadows coiling around her supple body that she hadn't registered the feel of my hand on her skin. Shadows, almost instantly, blanketed me in their chilling embrace which had my spine freezing and my heart rate spiking. It seemed like they loved my fear, practically feeding off the emotion until my muscles eased into numbness.And then, it suddenly felt as if we were moving at the speed of light but through darkness. Moving to where I didn't know. Zephyr trusted her not to do anything stupid but, at the way my gut hollowed, I knew that he was now regretting taking off her cuffs. I didn't know what Tania's game plan was but if she planned on winning this game, she better start changing her play. She couldn't throw away the first straw of trust someone offered her. I thought I was making progress with
SYLVAIN"How are you?" My mother's concerned voice echoed through the mind link.It was the middle of the night here which meant it should have been late afternoon on her side. The time difference left my head spinning but I made a point not to contact my pack often so I wouldn't need to keep checking the difference. My mother, on the other hand, was stressed about me so I didn't have the heart to tell her that she may have woken me up from my sleep."I'm fine, mom," I answered, suppressing a whine that crawled up my throat. Nuzzling into Tania's side, I said, "but I may be here longer than expected.""Take all the time you need," she said in a tone reserved only for mothers. It was soothing and reassuring like a warm fuzzy blanket on a cold winter's day, "your dad and I have things covered here. Sydney and Quade left a week ago so if you have time, maybe drop b