Chapter 7

Elena had not dared to ask herself that question during all the restless hours she had spent fretting about the possibility of meeting Stephan again, but suddenly she was startled into taking a moment to reflect on her feelings. Was she still in love with Stephan?

‘I wish I could give you a precise "yes" or "no" answer, but I can’t,’ she confessed at length, rising to place her cup in the tray and walking towards the window to stare blindly across the sun-washed garden with its colorful array of shrubs and flowers.

‘I knew five years ago that I had to shut him out of my life, and I’ve been working at it ever since then. I would be lying if I said I’ve never thought about him. I’ve thought about him often, but always with the knowledge that he belonged to my past, and to have him suddenly thrust into my present is something that really frightens me.’

Are you afraid that you might find out that you still love him? Rosalyn asked.

‘I’m not sure what I am afraid of,’ Elena replied candidly, turning to face Rosalyn with a frown marring her smooth brow. ‘ I had to make a decision five years ago which hurt me as much as I imagined it must have hurt him, but I don’t regret my decision, and I’m consoled by the fact that my motives were sincere. I couldn’t leave my grandmother when I knew that she was dying and needed me, and I did what I considered was best for Stephan at the time, but I have a feeling that he won’t see it that way.’ Her small hands fluttered in a despairing gesture. ‘What is a man supposed to think and feel a few days before his wedding when he receives an unexpected letter telling him that the girl he was going to marry no longer loves him?’

‘I should imagine he would be hurt and angry, but l’m sure that he would eventually be determined to discover the reason for her change of heart,’ Rosalyn answered her logically and soberly, but her attractive features brightened the next instant with an animated smile. ‘Consider the possibilities, Elena. You will at last have the opportunity to explain the reason behind your action, and who knows what might happen after that.’ Rosalyn suggested excitedly.

‘ I like your optimism, Rosalyn,’ Elena smiled wryly as she returned to her chair, ‘but I don’t somehow think that it’s going to be that easy.’

‘Why shouldn’t it be easy?’ demanded Rosalyn.

‘First, because this is all pure conjecture,’ Elena pointed out rationally. ‘Second, Stephan always was a man with a great deal of pride. He might still forgive me for hurting his feelings, but I doubt if he will ever forgive me for hurting his pride.’ Elena could feel her body grow taut with tension while she spoke, and she lowered her gaze to her hands which she had clasped together so tightly in her lap that her fingers were beginning to ache.

‘And last but not least,’ she added quietly, ‘it would be foolish to overlook the fact that he might be happily married, and not at all interested in whatever explanation I might want to give him.’

‘Whatever happens, Elena,’ Rosalyn remarked after a length silence, ‘I’m sure it will be for the best.’

Their conversation ended on that note, and Elena left soon afterwards to return to her cottage.