Chapter 9 Always "We're here," untag ni Seymour makalipas ang mag-iilang minuto nang katahimikan. My lips parted. Nasa harapan na ng bahay ang kotse. Gusto kong tumugon pero sa huli, pinili ko na lang na ngumiti. I played with my fingers as I studied his expression. He's unbelievably calm and steady. Samantalang ako, kanina pa lumilipad ang isip sa kung saan-saan. I guess, I couldn't simply get used to what he just told me. Initially, if you like someone, you will pursue her and profess what you feel for her. Wala namang nangyaring ganoon. Of all the years that we were together in the past, we never crossed the barrier as more than friends. "Am I bothering you?" aniya habang titig na titig sa akin. Huminga ako nang malalim. There's no point on hiding it. Tumango ako. "I understand. Hindi rin naman magandang pagkakataon ang pag-amin ko. Though, I just felt like confessing earlier so... I did." Naiintindihan ko naman siya. Maybe his words of comfort overwhelmed him that he sudd
Chapter 10 Bruise Lihim kong ipinalangin na sana, hindi na lang ako umuwi. I could be anywhere but not inside this devil's lair. Pinapaso ako ng nagbabagang init kahit wala namang literal na patotoo iyon sa totoong buhay. Or maybe, it's my emotions taking over. Maybe, it's the tons of emotions assaulting me inside all of once, burning me alive... along with my sins. I just stood there like a lifeless woman struggling to get her past life back... behind her facade of indifference. I badly want to jump over the railings and escape but I don't know how. I don't know when to start. I don't know why there's still a tiny impulse within me telling me to stay in my place and never hear my long hidden pleas. Sobrang... magulo. Magulo ang lahat.. Maybe... it's those emotions. They became grueling and exhausting... for so long. They were different... contradicting. They were suppressed and faked... for so many times. That... it already came to this. That everything doesn't seem... right
Chapter 11Away"Ayaw niyang ibigay sa 'kin si Izen," hagulgol ko habang abala si Roxanne sa pagbunot ng tissue.She breathed a sigh. Mukhang nahawa na siya sa pagiging malungkot at worn out kagaya ko. Earlier when I was having the most intense weeping of my life, Manang was very lucky to tell me that she has a phone with her. Hindi na ako nagdalawang-isip pa. I dialed my best friend's number.Walang pagdadalawang-isip niya naman akong pinuntahan. Hindi pa ako makapagsalita noong sinundo niya ako. I just told Manang to look after my son. I know he's gonna be safe with Ivan but who knows he might take him away.Hindi ko rin alam kung ano ang gagawin ko kung magkakaganoon. Ang alam ko lang, kailangan ko siyang balikan at makuha ulit dahil hindi ko kakayanin kung pati siya, mawawala sa 'kin."Ano pa bang aasahan mo sa tarantadong 'yon?! Once an eng-eng, always an eng-eng! Ang kapal ng mukha niyang gag* siya!" gigil na aniya.Tinulungan ako ni Roxanne sa pagtuyo sa aking sarili. I cannot
Chapter 12ChoiceHindi ko alam kung bakit siya pumunta roon!Wala naman akong sinasabi kay Seymour tungkol sa nangyari kagabi. Hindi ko naisip na sabihin at isa pa, hindi ko siya i-involve sa kung ano mang kaguluhan ang mayroon ako. He has his own life now. I need to stand by myself because I created all this mess."Roxanne, tara na!" pagyaya ko habang nagsusuot ng tsinelas."Bakit? Referee ka naman ngayon 'tapos ako 'yung round girl, gano'n?" masungit niyang tanong."Please! 'Wag ka na munang magga-ganyan. Baka kung mapa'no 'yung dalawa!"Madali kaming bumaba sa parking lot. Alalang-alala ako. Worry came rushing in my veins that it seemed to have replaced my blood flow. Malakas ang tibok ng puso ko. Pinagpapawisan ako nang malamig at halos hindi na magkamayaw sa kahihintay na makarating kami sa bahay.This isn't the first time Ivan and Seymour would fight head to head. Noon, napapabalita na parte ng initiation sa grupo nina Seymour ang harapin siya. Kakaunti lang ang nananalo kaya k
Chapter 13LossIvan requested to have our family doctor called instead. Ginusto kong dalahin siya sa ospital pero iyon ang mahigpit niyang ibinilin sa ilang sandali bago siya panawan ng malay. Alalang-alala ako sa kaniya. Ginagamot siya ni Dr. Agoncillo habang naghihintay ako sa kanila sa sofa.Pumasok si Manang Lisa at si Marilyn na may dalang tubig at pagkain para sa akin. That's when I remembered that my clothes were stained with blood. Muling namuo ang mga luha sa aking mga mata. He was stabbed and bleeding. Hindi ko makalimutan ang pamumutla niya kanina.I accepted the glass of water and my pile of clothes. Nahihirapan akong sumimsim ng tubig dahil sa maliliit na hikbi. Hinagod ni Manang ang aking likod."Magiging maayos din ang lahat," she assured."Magpapasama na lang din po ako sa driver para masundo si Ice, Ate." Si Marilyn.Tumango na lang ako. Nilapag ko ang baso sa gilid. It was a good day, at least, because Ice was apparently out of the house. Hindi niya narinig ang nangy
Chapter 14Clueless"Kuya..." It's been so long since I addressed him in that way. Mukhang hindi naman na-curious si Ivan sa narinig mula sa akin. I looked at the screen to confirm if it's really my brother. Siya nga iyon at may missed calls na simula pa kagabi. Mayroon din kanina. It's impossible that Ivan didn't hear my phone ringing lalo pa at mas nauna siyang nagising."Yes, little sister. How long has it been?" he chuckled lowly."Bakit ka napatawag?"It surprised me that Ivan didn't leave his space. Sumeryoso lang siya nang kaunti. Nakasandal na siya sa tukador."I've been caught by the police last night. Didn't you receive a call by that time?"Kinilabutan ako nang bahagya sa kaniyang mapait na tono. I bit my lower lip. Nahuli siya? Paano? At... bakit?"K-Kuya, things happened last night and I was really bombarded. A-Ano bang nangyari? Bakit ka nahuli?""Drug trafficking and illegal use of firearms," tila wala lang sa kaniya nang sambitin iyon."W-What..." Nanginig ang kamay k
Chapter 15HappinessSa inakala ko makakapagpahinga na ako pagkatapos sa presinto pero hindi. On our way home, I felt sick. Mas naramdaman ko iyon nang bisitahin ko si Ice sa kuwarto at malakas ang buga ng air-con.We were sitting side by side. Kinamusta ko siya at binasahan na rin ng paborito niyang comic book dahil patulog na rin naman. Naibsan kahit kaunti ang sama ng pakiramdam ko dahil sa wakas, kasama ko na rin ang anak ko."You were like arguing last night. But you told me that... humans aren't perfect so they can disagree with some things because of their differences. I didn't understand what happened but I'm okay now, Mama. I know you're worried," nguso ni Ice at inabot ang kamay ko.Halos hindi ako makangiti nang maayos dahil sa nararamdamang ginaw. Instead of enduring it, I sought heat by hugging Ice. Napapikit ako."You don't need to understand, Ice. You're still young. It's an... issue between adults. Between Mama and Papa. And you did a great job, baby. I hope you don't
Chapter 16BreatheNauna akong lumabas sa kuwarto. Umiikot na ang paningin ko pero nakaya ko pa rin namang lakarin ang guest room. Things between Ivan and I werr still unsettled and it would be inappropriate for us to stay in one room.Sinarado ko ang pinto. I threw myself on the bed. I didn't bother switching the lights on. Maging na rin ang air-con o electric fan. Pakiramdam ko, bugbog na bugbog ang katawan ko.Nakadapa ako at nakabaon ang ulo sa malambot na unan. Hinila ko ang kumot para matabunan ang lamig na nararamdaman.All of a sudden the lights went on. Naaninag ko iyon kaya kumunot ang noo ko. I lifted myself so I could see the reason why it happened."Ivan?" hikab ko nang makita si Ivan na palapit.My head hurt even more with the striking light. Minasahe ko ang mga mata. On the other hand, I felt Ivan inched closer. Tinuon ko sa kaniya ang nanlalabong paningin.Lumundo ang kama sa kaniyang pagsampa. Pinilit kong makaupo dahil sa pagkabigla sa kaniyang ginawa."W-What are yo