“I have a favor to ask.” Zach says across from me. I look up at the Ms Swan our English teacher. She doesn’t like talkers in class. She has her back to us but everyone knows she has supernatural hearing.
She can tell you who’s talking without even seeing them. It’s like a mutant power, don’t understand what’s so important that Zach can’t wait until lunch. I give him a look to let him know I don’t want to talk right now.
He raises his brows at me in question and then he gives me a shoulder shrug. What’s wrong with this dude? Did he forget where we are? Miss Swan doesn’t play.
“No,” I say as quietly as possible. I want to tell him we can talk about this at lunch but that’s too many words and Ms Knight will definitely catch me talking if I say anything more than that.
“What do you mean no? You don’t even know what the favor is.” He says whispering back at me. Of ‘course he thinks I’m saying no to his request for a favor and not to talk in Ms Swan’s class.
I look at him hoping he can read my emotions in my face. Instead, he makes a face at me. Why are doing this right now? He could’ve easily texted me about this yesterday.
“What?” He says a little too loudly, I cringe knowing she heard that. Ms Knight turns around to look at the class. She scans the room with her intense stare, Zach and I pretend to do our work, but watching her every move.
He knows I can’t afford to go to detention but he decided to talk to me in her class. I say a small prayer, hoping she didn’t hear us. She starts to walk toward us still scanning the room. I hold my breath, my heart beating fast. If I get detention who will pick up Jon and Mina?
I mean they can get home by themselves and a lot of kids do but I want to be there so I can watch out for them. Please no detention!
She stops in front of us and looks from Zach to me. I swallow hard waiting for the words “You’re going to detention”.
“Why are you talking in my class?” She says directing her question at Zach. I see the fear in his face and I know we’re definitely going to detention today. Our first since we got to high school. Thanks, Zach for ruining my good track record.
“I had something important to ask him about our assignment. I’m sorry Ms Swan.” Zach says looking from me to her. Why did he come up with such a weak excuse, she won’t buy that.
“You know I don’t like students talking in my class. If I hear another peep from you two, you’re off to detention. Do I make myself clear?” She says looking at me her cold stare sending a chill down my spine. You would think I committed a murder the way she’s looking at me.
“Yes, Ms Swan,” I say thankful she’s in a forgiving mood today. I give Zach a look and go back to my work. Ms Swan walks away from us and I let out the breath I’m holding in.
I know we got lucky, Ms Swan doesn’t like rule-breakers and she just let us off the hook. My luck must be improving or maybe Zach has transferred some of his luck to me.
I look up and find Golden looking at me. We haven’t spoken in over two months. We bump into each other in the hallway and at the library but neither of us says anything.
She seems to be embracing her new single status. She spends a lot of time alone these days. She doesn’t even eat lunch with her friends anymore. I wonder what’s up with all of that.
Here I go again wondering about things I have no business wondering about.
I made a vow not to let her distract me from my goal and I’ve done well so far. I avoid thinking about her, I don’t look at her when we’re at school and I definitely don’t talk about her with anyone. I have done a whole cleanse of Golden.
I think my plan works for the most part. I’ve been able to take all that energy and study for the upcoming test week I have stayed consistent with work and taking care of the kids and I feel a little more balanced now that I don’t spend hours thinking about her.
I’m sticking to my guns, not thinking about Golden.
But there are moments like this where she looks at me and I feel my heart ache to talk to her. I still feel something for her and now that I have spent a few days with her I’m curious to know more about her. The type of things she likes; music, food, movies. You know normal people stuff.
That being said I know I don’t have the luxury to dream about dates with a girl like Golden. Never mind that I can’t dream of anything with any girl. I don’t have the time, money, or energy for all of that.
I look away from her reminding myself of my plan. I need to stay focused, I say to myself in my head over and over. I need to stay in my lane.
At lunch
“About that favor,” Zach says bringing up the thing that almost got us into detention. I give him the eye, annoyed with him a little. “I know; I’m sorry.” He says reading my mind. “I’m having a little get-together for my birthday; it’s nothing big just a few people, good food, music and I would love for you to come.” He says smiling back.
I look at him already knowing what the answer is and always has been. I haven’t been to any of his birthdays since my Mina was born. We were eleven then.
“I don’t know man. I have to think about the kids.” I say looking for a way to disappoint him as kindly as possible.
“I knew you were going to say that and I have a solution.” He says that like he solved the world’s biggest problems. He has this goofy smile on his face. He’s happy about this.
“What?” I ask curious what he would come up with.
“I am having a kid-friendly 18th birthday. My little cousins and neighborhood kids will be there too. I’m having float houses and all the things kids like to play with. I really want you to be there so I made sure that Jon and Mina can be there too. ” He says and I’m genuinely surprised, he really thought this through.
He’s looking at me expectantly; I don’t want to disappoint him. He made an effort.
“Okay but we won’t stay until late,” I say and he starts doing a whole dance.
“My man.” He says excitedly.
“Stop dancing people are looking,” I say when he catches the attention of the people around us. That makes him dance even more. Who knew a person could be so overjoyed about their friend coming to a birthday party.
“I can’t describe to you the joy I feel inside.” He says smiling at me. I laugh at his dance moves, he doesn’t care who’s watching. It’s amazing to see him doing something so attention-grabbing; he’s usually under the radar.
“I think your dance moves are all the description I need,” I say looking at him askance, I need some of the joy he’s feeling.
Leo “Are we going out again? This is the second time we’ve gone out this month. I like that.” Mina declares when we get on the bus. We find a seat and get comfortable; we have a two-bus ride ahead of us to get to Zach’s house. This first one is the shortest and the second one will get us a short distance from his house so we’ll have to walk there. And if I remember correctly is a long way, hopefully these two stay excited enough to not notice the distance. I know Mina will be fine; it’s Jon I’m nervous about. He isn’t a great traveler. He gets cranky and wants to go home. “I guess you could say this is an outing. We’re going to Zach’s birthday party.” I say explaining to them where we’re going. I didn’t tell them why we had to wake up early today, because we had to take the bus we had to leave earlier than usual. Mina seems to be game for the unknown. Since the trip we took with Zach and Golden Mina has demanded we go out at least once a month. I know I could have said no to her
“They’re in their element.” I say looking at her. She smiles waving at Mina and Jon; they wave excitedly back at her. “How are you?” She asks looking at me, she’s smiling at me. I wonder if she knows how beautiful her smile is. “I’m alright and you?” I say taken aback by how beautiful she looks. She’s wearing a yellow top and blue jeans. The yellow makes her skin glow in a mesmerizing way. Her long braids framing her face beautifully, they go all the way to her bum giving her a soft look. “I’m good.” She says and starts walking to a table behind us to sit down in a chair. I join her at the table sitting across from her. She looks at me saying nothing. I look away trying to gather my thoughts. What do we talk about now? I never know what to say when she looks at me like that. “Would you like a drink?” I ask her after a long silence. Being next to her always makes my brain switch of. It’s like I can’t think beyond her beauty. Do I sound pathetic? I feel like I sound pathetic. “I
“May we please have some cake? My heart is broken.” Zach says looking up at his mom still lying on the ground. “If you get up from there you’ll get up cake.” She says laughing at him. She knows Zach hates losing and the fact I won; beating the two of them has him pained. “I just want to say that you won by luck.” He says to me, I raise my arms not disputing that fact. If he hadn’t tripped I was going down. There’s no way I would have won against the two of them. Lady luck was on my side. “But a win is a win my friend.” I say and he grunts in disapproval, he gets up and goes into the house. He needs a moment to process his loss and that’s okay. “If everyone would sit down so we can all have some cake.” His mother says and we all find a seat. I welcome the opportunity to sit down because I’m tired. All that running around has me breathing hard. This may be a party game but I think it’s also a sneaky way for parents to get kids to exercise. Golden joins me and my siblings at our tab
“Golden really did a good job. Did you say thank you?” He asks his little sister and comes closer to her inspecting my handy work. He’s wearing and all brown pant and t-shirt combo. The t-shirt has a logo on it; Mr. Brown’s. He smells so good; this is the first time we’ve stood this close to each other. I guess he showed while I was doing Mina’s hair. “Thank you.” Mina says appreciating all the attention her brother is showering her with. I don’t blame her he’s looking at her like she’s the best thing in the world. They make me smile. “You’re welcome.” I say smiling too. Leo looks at me smiling and mouths thank you to me. His smile makes my heart beat ten times faster. I look away trying to catch my breath, he smiles so rarely that every time he does I get all the feels. I’m not supposed am I? I’m confused. “Go and put your shoes on so we can go to Sofia’s.” He says to Mina and helps her get off the chair. Her little feet tap on the flooring as she walks to the bedroom to put her s
Sunday I woke up feeling good this morning. I’m glad I started my self-care last night. After my shower, face mask and the music. I had time to analyze my feelings. I started with my situation with Cole; it’s been over two months since we started our “break.” The first week felt like death, I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was sad, lonely and lost. I didn’t think I would miss him as much as I did, there were days when I wanted to go beg him to take me back. It felt like I wouldn’t get through it. It is the main reason I didn’t tell the girls about the breakup. I knew that if I talked about it, I would cry. But eventually I found my footing. Before I knew it I didn’t miss him as much. I started to figure out my own way without him. And last night I realized the biggest part of this whole situation; I don’t care about him anymore. Of ‘course I don’t mean I don’t care about him as a human but I mean I don’t care what he thinks about me. As a matter of fact I don’t care what h
It’s Monday morning that means I get to see Golden. I’m nervous; the last time we were in contact she sent me that text. It took me by surprise; I didn’t expect her to do that. Now I don’t know how to react when I see her; does this mean that we can be friendly now? Pumping into her at the shop or at Zach’s party is way different from a text. A text is more personal.I don’t know how other people see it but to me, when you start texting someone. It means you’re friends, it means you wave at each other when you walk down the school hallway. But I don’t want to overstep, she may be cool with me when we’re outside of the school grounds but I don’t know how she feels about people knowing she and I are cool like that.Life at school is a different beast, there’s a hierarchy here. Golden is at the top and I don’t even rank on the scale. A fact that I was okay with before she became all friend
“Let’s put the kid’s School address in the GPS.” Golden says handing me her phone. I do as she says and she starts the car. I can’t believe I’m in her car at school, with all these people around. Today is weird day, unlikely things are happening and this is one of them.During lunch Golden offered drive me home and Zach agreed is with her. They ganged up teamed up to convince me that’s it’s a great idea. I told them multiple times that it’s a very bad idea. I tried to state all the reasons why it’s unnecessary but Zach said how it would save me the hassle of taking the bus and then having to walk home with Mina and Jon. He said he would do it but he doesn’t drive his car to school.Golden used that opportunity to let me know that she has her car and my apartment is on her way home. A fact that’s not true but they didn’t want to hear me
LibraryI slide a note to Golden from across the table. She picks it up and looks at it.I would like to make it up to you for what happened yesterday.If you’d let me.P.S: I text/write in full sentences because you texted me in full sentences the first time. She smiles and looks at me. She reads the note again, turns the note over and then writes a reply.She slides the note back to me. I pick it up.I’ll agree to your offer on one condition:If you let me drive you to and from school everyday.P.S: I like the full sentences.I frown at her. She shrugs at me like; take it or leave it.I write a reply in the little corner of the note.I won’t lie to you and say I’m comfortable with you driving me but if it means you accept my apology then we have a deal.I’ll buy you