Hands down, this has been the week from hell.Not one damn thing has gone right for me.All right, perhaps that's a slight exaggeration.Classes were good. Most of them are dance which makes the day pass by in the blink of an eye. And I was able to secure my old job at a small studio in town teaching a few classes to four and five-year olds. Yeah, they're squirrelly and have way too much energy, but they're adorable as hell and make me laugh. And I need the cash. Unlike Mia, my parents don't have a fat portfolio filled with stocks and bonds. They do just fine, but it helps them out if I have my own spending money.So...if everything is going just fine why aren't I able to shake the feelings of irritability and discontent? It's almost as if something is brewing inside me and I have no clue what it is. And that makes me nervous.Jack has Facetimed a handful of times since my return, but our relationship doesn't feel the same. It's almost as if I was able to blot everything out w
Yup. I'm already berating myself for my stupidity but there's nothing to be done about it now. I walked right into the lion's den, thinking I would come away unscathed. That won't happen.Barely do I get a chance to suck in a breath before his mouth crashes onto mine. With one sweep of his velvety softness against my lips, I'm opening until he's able to plunge inside. Our tongues tangle and its enough to wipe away the knowledge that this is a disastrous idea. My palms go to his chest. Instead of pushing him away, my fingers curl into his shirt, attempting to drag him closer. A growl rumbles up from deep in his chest.Our lips fasten together, teeth scraping against one another, as our tongues continue to tangle. All of the protests inside my head go silent as a barrage of sensation floods through me. As much as I try to convince myself that Colton is no different from any of the other guys I've been with, I realize deep down inside this is a lie. Colton is unlike anyone else
I check my phone for the umpteenth time for any missed messages.Unfortunately, it's just as I suspected.Nada.I reached out and texted Alyssa a few times, but it's been stereo silence from her end which isn't a total surprise. Nothing I do seems to make a difference or help to turn over a new leaf. If anything, my actions have only pushed her further away. At this point, I have no idea how to bridge the gap between us.It's been more than a week since she barreled over, and we had sex. I find myself hanging around the apartment building, trying to catch sight of her, but she remains elusive. Almost as if she's trying to evade me.Actually, that's exactly the tactic she's employing.That girl wants nothing to do with me and there doesn't seem to be a damned thing I can do to change that. I hate to admit it, but I'm on the verge of giving up. I can't force Alyssa to give me the time of day. There are times in life when you fuck up and are able to fix the mess. This isn't one o
Am I really this stupid?Ugh. Don't answer that. I'm well aware of the answer.It was foolish to allow myself to get persuaded into this date with Colton.Persuaded...ha!I have no resistance when it comes to that guy. All he has to do is lay his hands on me and my brain leaks right out of my ear. It's disheartening.For the hundredth time today, I pick up my phone and stare at it. I should cancel. That would be the smartest thing to do. Just as I type out a message, there's a knock on the apartment door, and my head snaps up as my belly crashes to my toes. I place my palm against my lower abdomen as if that will keep it in place.It's too late. He's already here.I straighten my shoulders. One date. One chance. That's all I agreed to. If he fucks it up in any way, I can walk away with a clear conscious. When my heart clenches at the idea of us really being over, I brush it aside and tell myself that it's for the best. Colton isn't the kind of guy I need in my life. He'
On wooden legs, I force myself to the table and awkwardly take a seat on the chair. My fingers fidget restlessly in my lap. Colton returns with two glasses of red wine before offering me one.Once I have mine in hand, he raises his glass and offers a toast. "To new beginnings."Another burst of nerves explode inside me. With stiff lips, I echo the sentiment and raise the glass to my mouth before gulping down at least half the contents. If this behavior continues, I will never make it through the night.If he notices my unease, he refrains from commenting. Instead, he returns to the kitchen and brings out a colorful looking salad filled with lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and croutons before doling out our servings. There's a bottle of Italian dressing already on the table. I pour just enough to give the greens taste. Normally, I try to eat carefully. What I've discovered over the years is that there is no way to hide a few extra pounds in a skintight leotard.As much as I hate
Even though I keep my gaze trained on the television and attempt to focus on the movie, I can't. Unable to sit still, I squirm until his hands settle on my waist, gently pulling me toward his chest. His legs are stretched out in front of him as mine hang off the side of the chair while he cradles me in his arms. The position is entirely too comfortable and after a while, my muscles gradually loosen as my head fits perfectly against the hollow of his neck. The woodsy scent of his cologne inundates my senses, lulling me into a contented state.A sigh escapes from me as Colton absently strokes his fingers through my hair. Only now do I realize how much I've missed the quiet moments we spent alone. There were a ton of parties, but it was the nights we spent shuttered away from everyone that were my favorite because I had Colton all to myself. It wasn't necessary for me to share him with his teammates, friends, or other girls. He was all mine.No matter how many guys I went out with
For what feels like the hundredth time, I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling in the darkness that fills the bedroom. Even though I glanced at the clock on the nightstand less than two minutes ago, my gaze flickers in that direction again. It's after midnight. If it were simply a matter of closing my eyes and allowing my mind to wander until sleep took over, I would do it in a heartbeat. Instead, every time I close my eyes, an image of Colton materializes in my mind. No matter how much I try, I can't stop thinking about him.I can't deny that this Colton...the one who prepared dinner for me tonight is different than the guy I dated a year and a half ago. It's not that I don't think people can grow and change. Of course, they can. I'd like to think that I've matured somewhat over the years. But am I necessarily ready to take the risk only to wind up hurt again?That's a complicated question with an even more complicated answer.The unnerving part is that it shouldn't be.
Harsh sunlight filters through my eyelids and I wake with a satisfying stretch. It's been a while since I've felt this well rested. Like I slept for twenty-four hours straight. As soon as I shift, I realize that I'm not alone. There's a warm body snuggled up against me.Well, fuck.It takes a moment for my sluggish brain to conjure up the events from last night.Alyssa.Dinner at my place.Unable to sleep and shooting her a text.I crack open an eye only to find her sprawled across my bare chest. There is nothing better than waking up with her in my arms. Even though my feelings for her had scared the shit out of me, I regret pushing her away sophomore year. I have no idea if it's possible to get back to a place where she can trust me again, but I'm determined to do everything in my power to give it a shot and prove to Alyssa that I can be the man she needs. All I know is that I need to slow my roll and not come on too strong.If I push too hard, she'll run. And I can't blame