The night was long and tortuous, filled with random dreams that made no sense. When dawn finally arrives, I remove my bandages and hop in the shower, soaping my hair and body in an effort to remove the delightful hospital aroma that I seem to have acquired. I find some clothes in the locker next to my bed and notice that they are the clothes Taylor bought me. I feel uneasy about putting them on, but given my lack of options, I slip them on anyway. The black skinny jeans that had previously hugged my figure now hang loosely off my hips, and the grey silk T-shirt feels two sizes too large. The grey cardigan I loved swamps my figure even when cinched in with the belt. At least the boots still fit. I examine my face in the mirror properly for the first time, and I am astounded by how much weight I have lost. My cheeks are almost gaunt, and my hair, while never having been my crowning glory, has a lacklustre sheen. Seriously, I look like crap. I distract myself by flicking through a pil
Before those cups even hit the floor, Taylor was already turning around and walking back out of my room. After two hours it became clear that he wouldn’t be returning. I tried calling, but he didn’t pick up any of my calls or my voicemails. I sat there in a complete state of shock. Pregnant at twenty-one was not part of my plan. Attempted suicide was not part of my plan. Taylor walking out on me again was not part of my plan. Yet here I was dealing with all three. So as you can imagine, there was no chance of going home. Instead, David booked me straight into the hospital’s mental health clinic for the next week. I guess these days ‘psychiatric ward’ is probably not the politically correct term, or maybe this is just what posh people like to call being nuts. Anyway, I was ferried along to another building in the hospital’s vast grounds, where I was allocated a room that was the size of a shoebox. Don’t get me wrong. Everything was immaculate and comfortable, but there was zero privac
“Oh what a tangled web we weave,When first we practise to deceive!”Sir Walter Scott, Marmion, Canto vi. Stanza 17.Scottish author & novelist (1771 – 1832)At first, I think it is the rain on the windows that has woken me from my slumber, but as I listen more carefully, I hear a pounding on my door. Not sure who on earth would be knocking at this hour, let alone on the day I am released from The Clinic, I wait a few more seconds before curiosity gets the better of me. I fling on my fluffy purple dressing gown and flick on the hallway light. The shadowy figure behind the glass stops pounding as I pad down the stairs and pull open the door. In amazement, I stare into Taylor’s chocolaty-brown eyes. He is drenched and droplets of water run down his face, suggesting that he has been standing outside for a while. My heart clenches at the sight of Taylor standing here, despite the fact that I have not heard from him since he walked out of my hospital room following the shocking announcem
My eyes flick open, and for a moment I can’t understand why I have woken up so unexpectedly. Then my stomach rolls and I find myself running for the bathroom. When I finally finish heaving, I lean back on the cool tiles and rest my head on my knees. Softly feet pad in and I hear the tap running. I wait until two legs stand in front of me before finally opening my eyes. Taylor squats down and gently lifts my chin, wiping my face with a warm washcloth. I smile weakly and murmur, “I think the morning sickness has just arrived. Argh!” “Well, then little Bean has well and truly stuck,” Taylor offers up with a soft expression in his eyes. “I guess so,” I reply, as I feel a grin stretching across my face. “Come on, Abs. You get back into bed and I’ll make you a cup of tea.” As I climb back into bed and snuggle under the duvet, I find myself reflecting on the last few weeks and how far Taylor and I have come together. Yeah, proposing that night was complete idiocy, but it brought us back
David’s request flits back into my mind as I work through the selection of cakes I am baking for tomorrow’s private orders. Since I started doing the cakes, the bakery is busier than ever. People who come in for bread end up buying cakes and vice versa to the extent that we are working like mad, and I think that maybe it is time to take on some extra staff. We just simply don’t have any more display space out the front without sacrificing the loaves of bread, which I am loathed to do, and without rearranging the kitchen so more people can work. All in all, I am not really how to move forward. I really enjoyed the classes I did at The Clinic; I probably got just as much out of them as the other ‘inmates’, as we jokingly referred to each other, and it is definitely something I would like to do again. I am just not sure I am in the right place mentally to take on the additional pressure. And physically, well, with the tiredness and now the morning sickness, I am definitely feeling a lit
Fifteen minutes turn into an hour, and I am woken up by Taylor shaking me gently. “Yo, sleepyhead, time to rise and shine.” “Bugger off, Taylor, it is the middle of the night,” I mumble before coming to my senses and realising it is actually only six in the evening. “Argh, sorry, was just having a nap. Give me five and then I’ll be ready to head out.” Taylor looks at me with concern in his eyes. “If you are too tired, Abs, we can stay in and veg, and I’ll order us something in.” “No, no. I’d love to go out. Let me just pull something on and do something with my hair. We’re not going anywhere too fancy, are we?” With Taylor, I never know where we will end up given that he seems to supply half the Michelin-starred restaurants around and is forever being invited to dine in them to try their dishes. Amazing, I know, but sometimes you just fancy slobbing around in your jeans and a jumper. As if he has read my mind, Taylor grins. “Nah, I have booked us in at that burger place down at th
My churning stomach has me up and running for the bathroom before I have even had a chance to wake up fully. Several minutes later I am spent so crawl back into bed shaking, waiting for the nausea to subside. Taylor has already left for the breakfast meeting he mentioned yesterday, so I luxuriate in having the bed to myself. Following Taylor’s first unorthodox proposal, we have barely spent a night apart. To start with, it was simply so he didn’t have to drive back to London after our ‘dates’ as he began his campaign to woo me back, and then it became a given as neither of us wanted to sleep alone. But since that awful night in Taylor’s apartment, sleep is all we do. Neither of us is quite ready to bring sex back into the equation despite the fact that we are both becoming hornier than hell. The look in his eyes that night terrified me, and I don’t know what I would do if I ever saw it again. So, by some unspoken agreement, we kiss and we cuddle. But that is as far as it goes for n
I am sat in this chic little hairdressing salon round the back of Carnaby Street, having a mild panic attack as George, my mum’s darling hairdresser, chops hunks of my hair off, all the while tutting in faux prima-donna fashion. I know for a fact George is straight as a die, but I guess this little act draws in the ladies, and I can see from the expressions on the other faces that they love it. My mum has her nose stuck in her e-book as she sits under some weird lamps, waiting for her colour to take, oblivious to everything going on around her. I, on the other hand, have started emitting rather alarming squeaks each time another of my locks is butchered. Trust them, George and my mum said as they babbled on in some sort of pseudo-fashionista speak that I tuned out politely after the first couple of minutes. Okay, deep breaths. Eventually, I simply close my eyes in the hope that if I keep them closed long enough, this might turn out to be a dream. I finally open my eyes when I feel m