She attempted to let me go in order to walk back to the car, but I held her fast, my arms anchored around her center. "Is Mykel going to be there?" The very thought of seeing Mykel after this episode shook me. I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, but I couldn't get the look that was on his face when last I saw him from my head. Right then I was certain I couldn't face him.She kissed my temple. "No, baby. He couldn't leave more than he did to chase after you. He's booked with appointments. He's exceedingly worried about you. He called me panicking and damn near in tears. He's very worried about you." I nodded feeling my throat close up. "Ready to go back to the car?" I nodded and disengaged myself from her, my eyes cast to the dirty concrete, hands shoved in my pockets, shoulders brought up to my neck. Liz linked her arm through mine, not trying to get me to speak, to which I greatly appreciated. My mind
As he came through the door and around the couch to kneel in front of me I tried not to flinch away from him and further into Liz. I don't think I succeeded as I saw the small frown appear and vanish quickly from his brow.His movements, a bit slower than his original trajectory, he reached for my hand. I didn't pull it away upon contact but gripped his fingers like I never wanted him to let go. And I didn't despite my fears."Are you alright, mon bonheur?" He did look and sound...well, worried. I started to nod in the affirmative but quickly changed to a shake of the head that indicated the truth. I was far from alright. The hurt my sister inflicted upon me that day as I watched her close the door softly behind her, leaving me there to endure two more years of the abuse she ran away from, was much more than anything my parents ever did to me combined.
"Mattie, no, love. I mean yes, a name was in the book but it wasn't the one you'd always said. Completely different name. She changed it when she turned nineteen." At my look, he continued. "She was still there when I returned to the shop. I had Lilly cancel the day and she and I talked in the backroom. She wanted to. I swear, my love, I didn't know until you spoke to her just before you ran out. Please, Mattie, I wouldn't have kept something like that from you and I especially wouldn't have had you there at a time she would have been and without you knowing about it..." He was right and I knew it. I nodded. "Mattie." He waited until I looked up before speaking again. "Please believe me.""I do," I told him after a time. "I do believe you. You're not mad at me?""No, baby. I'm not mad at all." I knew he wasn't lying to me. I saw no anger within his body language, only h
July seventh:Mykel was smiling as he walked through the door to his tattoo parlor. He was surprised to see his next appointment so early, and before his smile could widen he heard Mattie gasp just under his breath. She had yet to notice him as she stood smiling. "Hi. I know I'm early so if you..." Her eyes shifted just slightly to the right as she noticed to whom she was face to face with. "Mattie bear?"Mykel felt Mattie's fist in his back, gripping onto his shirt as if for balance. The venomous tone as he spoke made the hairs on Mykel's neck stand on end. "You don't get to call me that anymore. That died when you left me in that fucking closet." Before he had a chance to respond to Mattie or even process the onslaught of information he'd just received from this short exchange, Mattie bolted. In his haste to chase after him, Mykel didn't realize the glass to the door slightly cracke
It had been several hours and I was aware that Mykel was no longer in the room with us. I do not know when he slipped silently out, but I hadn't felt his presence in some time.Since Liz burst into the room and I grabbed hold of her for dear life, time had been spent alternately calming me down and Liz babbling about nothing softly against my ear. I didn't speak as she asked questions in the midst of her tellings. I knew she wasn't expecting an answer as she continued speaking as if I was every bit of the conversation as she. She ran her fingers through my hair and over my back and arms; every now and then running her thumb or knuckles across my cheeks, soaking up the tears that hastily caught gravity's power to slide down my face.As the shock of the day began to wear off, my mind began conjuring reasons and moving pictures playing out scenes of a final destruction betwee
"Mattie..." his eyes closed and he took a deep breath. "What did you do?" I didn't answer him. I didn't meet his eyes. "Mattie, please answer me." There was no anger behind his tone, in his posture. I took a shaky breath but I didn't say a word. I couldn't. "Did..." he paused, bracing himself for the question he was about to ask and the answer he would receive in turn. "Mattie, did you, uh, did you cut yourself?" The grief and guilt that had begun to gather in my eyes spilled down my face and that was all the answer he needed. He nodded his head slightly, his hands tightly knotted together as he talked himself into remaining in control. He let out a held breath. It quivered upon its exodus. "How bad, Mattie?" He still didn't sound the least bit angry. Aside from that, I couldn't place how or what he was feeling."Not-not too bad," I said, my voice filled with every ounce of shame I felt.
"I what?" I frowned slightly at the accusation."You. Lied. To me." His voice had this time an edge to it that felt like a stab to the heart."The hell I did," I responded with an edge to my own tone. "I've never fucking lied to you and how dare you accuse me otherwise.""You told me you didn't do that. That you did it once but your sister stopped you before you could go too far." Tears fell unnoticed from his eyes. His tone changed with this lowly spoken sentence. Heart shattered and lost."Mykel...I wasn't trying to kill myself. That's what she stopped from happening that day. You never asked me and we've never discussed...this..." I gestured to my legs. "It isn't a habit, Mykel," I added lowly. "I don't know what caused me to do it. I just...it was too mu
I lay there next to him, our breathing finally returning to normal, with my arms wrapped securely around his chest, my head resting against his shoulder, close enough to his heart I could hear it beating. The thump thump thump both calmed me and swirled my thoughts, and I had no clue how to process what was going through my head.I concentrated on the feeling of Mykel's fingers as they glided through my hair, how his touch made me feel a plethora of emotions that I couldn't all define. Mykel sighed deeply, slowly allowing the breath to escape through his parted lips. I did not have to look at him to know his eyes were closed.I curled further into him, trying to, what seemed at the time, vainly anchor myself to his body. Sow my soul onto his so he could never leave me. "I love you," I told him, my chest tight, my eyes squeezed shut against any bub