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Save Me From Myself
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Three Little Birds Save Me From Myself Pt. 2
"Babycakes, will you please go get the stuff out of the oven?" Liz hollered as I passed her. I smiled and nodded, nodded to the people who were paying for the pastries, and vanished into the back room. It has been a week now that I saw my sister for the first time since I was a kid. Considering that, I think I've done a fairly good job at handling myself. My emotions have been rampant, swinging back and forth like a pendulum, and minus one incident two days ago, I've not had a meltdown. I grabbed the pastries from the oven, the warm aroma of baked goods filling my senses and I smiled. As I handed the order to Liz, bagged and ready to go, I smiled too at her, before making fresh pots of coffee.Liz had been keeping both her eyes on me lately. Not that I could blame her, but I wanted to be alright. I wanted to show her that I was alright. Show them both. I wanted them to see my progress. I wanted them to be proud of
Three Little Birds Remember Pt. 1
I shook my head and bit my lip, failing in my efforts to keep the tears at bay. "I..." I stopped and shook my head, covering my face with my hands. "I'm such a fuck up, Liz. I'm fucking it all up and I know that he's getting tired of me and my bullshit baggage. It's pathetic. I'm pathetic. And I'm not getting any better, Liz. How long can I expect him to stick around and deal with this shit?" Liz gathered me against her again as I came undone. "He's going to leave me, Liz. He's going to leave me." Liz didn't argue or speak to the contrary right then, she just held me. Everything was becoming too much. "What's the point, Liz? In anything, what's the point? Why do I try to beat this? Why do I keep fighting?" I paused a long moment before confessing in a choked whisper, "Sometimes I think I would be better off dead. Everyone would be better off.""God, Mattie, don't talk like that, baby. Don't think like that." I heard the
Three Little Birds Remember Pt. 2
Mykel's tears dried, but only for a moment. He disengaged himself from Kaiden's embrace and stood. Kaiden stood with him, looking deeply into his eyes, memorizing this moment. "How can you do this, Kaiden?" Mykel's voice no longer wavered as he let his anger and feelings of betrayal take control for the time being."I have no choice, Mykel.""Bullshit you have no fucking choice! You're choosing to leave me because of someone you fucking hate." Mykel's eyes watered again as he felt his soul being ripped asunder. Kaiden said nothing in return to this, simply stared at him with tears cascading down his own face. "Fine, Kaiden." He began to say more, to expound his pain onto his best friend. He turned around and headed back to the front door."Mykel?" Mykel turned around, his hand on the doork
Three Little Birds Amends
When I woke next Mykel had his arms around me, comfortably snug, with my head resting against his chest. My eyes moved upward to his face where I found him watching me. Faintly he smiled, seemingly now unsure if I would want him there now. Tightening my grip around him, I moved that much closer to him. It was Sunday and the shop was closed. I also had the day off. I didn't want to start the day in tears so I let my eyes drift away from his gaze and simply enjoyed being held by him for the first time in what felt like far too long.I felt gentle fingers push softly through my hair and a light brushing of his lips against my forehead. It was a move and a gesture that made my throat close anyway, and my eyes watered against my will. When his thumb brushed away the tears, I turned my head into his shoulder in an attempt to regain my self-control."Don't cry, sweet baby," he
Three Little Birds Amends Pt. 2
"Mattie," he said to me. His tone was so gentle my eyes instantly filled. I bit my lip. I hated myself. Hated my inability to keep my emotions in control. Hated that I still reacted to certain things a certain way. "Hey," he said so, so softly. I looked at him. "There's no need to keep beating yourself up over it. Okay? Give yourself time to heal."I looked deeply into his eyes as he said this. "I could say the same thing, Mykel." Instantly he looked away, immediately knowing what I was referring to. "Mykel?" I waited for him to bring his eyes back up to mine. "I know you've been afraid that...I don't know...I'm going to...hurt myself...like Kaiden did. I've seen the looks you try to hide...the desperate questioning. The truth of the matter is that...while I have been thinking about suicide," the pain that instantly filled his expression felt like a punch to the gut, "just hear me out...while I have been thinking of it,
Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 1
"You sure you're ready for this?" Mykel asked me as I stood nervously in front of the bathroom mirror. I glanced up at his reflection and smiled at the worry in his eyes."No." I smiled again. "I'm nervous as all get out. However, I need to do this. And I think Rian needs this also."In just over half an hour the three of us were all going to my sister's house. Finally, I was to meet my nephews and my niece, and the man my sister married. Over the last few months, since she initially came to Mykel's, and once my guilt began to wane, we both made an effort to keep in contact. We talked on the phone, over text, through messenger. By whatever means we had available. A few days before she asked if I wanted to come meet the rest of my family. It was my eldest nephew's birthday and while they were having a party for him the next day, she asked if I wanted to come for his actual birthday for
Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 2
Soon after we are eating dinner and Mattie opened his other presents, including the other gift I'd brought for him. An avid baseball card collector, I gave him a pack of cards. Not just any cards, but rookie cards of some of his favorite players. He was delighted. We all talked and laughed and had a good time. The mood was easy and light as if the past Rian and I ran away from didn't exist.Once the kids were in bed, Mykel and Liz helped clean up while Rian and I talked in the backyard. We sat on the porch steps, our legs and arms touching. "Thank you for coming today. It means a lot to me. And the kids love you." She smiled at me."I'm pretty fond of them, too. They're great kids. You've got a great family, Rian. I'm really happy for you. And I'm really proud of you."She smiled. "Thank you. Liz and Mykel are pretty am
Three Little Birds Happiness and Heartbreak Pt. 3
When we got home Mykel went straight from the car to his room and shut the door without a word to either of us. Liz walked into her room, leaving her door open and I followed behind her. I glanced up to where I knew Mykel would be, damning reality where people didn't actually have X-Ray vision. How badly I wanted to go to him, but something told me to give him space. I sat down next to Liz on the bed, having kicked off my shoes. "Are you alright?" I knew the answer to the question before I asked, but with a lack of anything else to say...she shook her head."No. No, not in the least." She let out a shaky breath. "If Kaiden thought Mykel would be killed...God, Mattie...Kaiden knew Mykel well enough to know that he wouldn't settle for him just leaving because he was told to do it. Mykel said he was going to leave him. He was packing when Mykel came home that night...but he already knew what he was going to do, even
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