Chapter 6 – His past

Christan is currently in his early forties. He’ll be forty-three soon. His sons are already teenagers. He sighed, thinking how he could properly parent them. They say adolescence is the most difficult period when raising children. They get a lot of questions. There are bodily changes. You need to teach them about the reality of the world. The value of hard work. They could turn out to be rebellious.

So far, his sons have been easy to raise. They don’t say much. They don’t ask much. He rarely hears them complain. And if they do, they complain about the most random things. Completely unrelated to him.

He couldn’t help but admire how Tanya raised them. They were very understanding children. He wasn’t present during their childhood. Well, he was there, but he’s too busy with his company. He hasn’t spent too much time with them during that period. He sees them in the mornings but only very briefly.

When their mother died… neither him nor his children ever discussed her. She was never brought up in any of their conversations. He followed their lead. He thought they would be saddened if they actually talked about her.

People have told him that those kids might be missing their mother and her love. They do need a mother, or at least a mother figure that would guide them. Sadly, their nanny acted more like their grandma.

They haven’t caused him any problems, though. If he’s honest, the reason why he hasn’t dated anyone after Tanya’s death… it’s because of guilt. He’s feeling guilty, about so many things.

When they met, it was during a turbulent period in his business. She was very supportive. When they got married, that was the sweetest period in their relationship. After she gave birth to Carl, he started getting busy again. There’s so much to do. It was at this period that his business was expanding. Then Drew came along. She has two babies to take care of and he wasn’t there to help her. She did assure him that she could handle them just fine. She was very hands-on in raising their kids. You’ll rarely hear a word of complaint from her. So, he never really considered that she might be having a hard time. Two babies are a handful.

When the kids have started attending nurseries, Tanya started leaving the house for days at a time. And then, weeks. Until it became months. He never understood it and she never explained other than she wants to take vacations. His business is almost at a stable period by then so he let her. He supported her. But he’s still a very busy person.

When she died so suddenly, with news accompanying it saying that she’s with another man, a lover, Christan was livid with anger.

He’d already seen her with another man. He even witnessed them kissing.

He blamed her for her own death. It wouldn’t have happened if she hadn’t gone. After the initial stage of anger, he was burdened with guilt. He loved her and he felt that he failed her. Lee’s words hit him squarely in the chest. Why did she leave? Why did she find herself a lover? Aren’t the kids enough to make her stay? It was her decision, but he sure played a role in those decisions. Did he drive her away? Not really, but he hasn’t shown her care in so long. He thought things were alright between them. He assumed wrongly. There are days he wished she’s still alive. He would forgive her even if she cheated, just bring her back. Not only because their children need her but because he loves her.

What made him even more guilty is when they learned she didn’t cheat after all. That man she kissed wasn’t her lover. She was working on a case. Undercover. She was pretending to be someone’s girlfriend and the guy she was with when she died was a criminal. She was caught and her team was trying to rescue her. It was a failed rescue. They killed her in the car.

Lee explained that it was her choice not to tell Christan about her work. He shouldn’t feel guilty. She knew the pros and cons. Her death wasn’t fair but they’ll seek justice for her. They got it.

Christan sighed again. Even now, he couldn’t let go of his guilt. He has decided to honor Tanya by remaining faithful to her. He would only love her for the rest of his life, as he vowed during their wedding. And so, he has never looked at any other woman. He’d turned down every date his mother has attempted to setup. Some of his friends did, too, but he isn’t willing. Some tried seducing him but they all failed. He’s simply not interested.