My throat is hoarse and dry from all my screaming and crying. Forvwhst was probably my first hour out here, I went into repetitive panic attacks. The dark and the dead bodies making me even more terrified than I already was. I can hardly see, didn't want to see them, but paranoia convinced me if i looked away they'd move.
Sweat trickles all over me, making my skin crawl with the need to wipe it away, but it's hard to maneuver my hands on such short restraints. It's hot. So hot I can hardly breathe, and my dry throat feels like it might close off any seconds. It's hard to make out anything, even though it must still be daylight out, the barn is so dark. I get only a hairline crack of light through the boards.
Did I mention that it's the temperature of the sun in here? The heater of whatever sort, and the spring sunshine acts like an incubator inside the barn. I'm sure I'll die before he returns. The heat only amplifies the stench of death,
I come to with a start. I am wild and temporarily confused as I bolt up and grab the bars. Wait? The bars?! My crazed eyes take in my state and I try to stop my impending hyperventilation. I'm in a cage? Like a huge ass metal kennel? My head jars from my dudden movement and I become dizzy, so I ease myself back down to the pillowy floor of whatever this is. What time is it? Where is 'Trevor'? Nevermind that, what happened while I was asleep? I kick the tiny little sheet away and check under the gigantic shirt in panic. Ah. Sweet Jesus. Everything appears unbothered. I shut my mind off there and don't let it wander. I rub my temples and curl up as I look over this contraption, studying it so I can think of how to get out of here. "Still moping?" I have to get into character quickly to stop my narrowing eyes. I glance at the doorway of the room to see 'Trevor' entering.
Kelly and Sasha. My brain keeps repeating, like a mantra. I lay here, nude as the day I was born, just waiting for something to happen. For the other shoe to drop. He lays on the bed, just relaxing as if he has no cares in the world. Like there's not two dead women in his barn and a woman in a glorified dog crate feet away. To add insult to injury, he lays there playing on my phone, and petting my dog! He whistles and it catches my attention, I raise my head while still covering myself. "Hey. You want out?" Yes. No. Another trick question. I know I'm expected to answer, but I have no clue what to say. I try to think of a quick response, something humble sounding to keep up my act. "I'm fine here. Still tired." He gets up anyhow and comes to my cage.
"Who is that fucker?" Bobbi snarls as soon as he is out of ear shot. I'm so sore and tired, I don't even raise my head to her."I don't know his-his name. He has an allias. He admitted it's not his name though." I can't risk telling her his alliasis 'Trevor', but I can tell she won't drop it. I keep my voice low out of paranoia of the camera."Protecting him?""No. Protecting you apparently. Got my ass beat for no reason." I retort."Then why don't you give me his name?""Because I don't fucking know it. Why are you coming at me like this? I am not your enemy. Keep that energy for Fred in there." I whisper angrily. I understand her being scared and upset, but I am not the one she's going to take it out on. Not in the cage, not in this lifetime."I don't know that. I think you are the reason I'm here.""Really?" I raise an annoyed brow."Be
I hear the cries before I even see or hear the blow. I brave my fears and I crsck an eye, only to see him slamming her face over and over into the side of the cage. He finally stops and he looks over at me. His eyes are blown and dark, his pupil dilated and his face blank. He is almost demonic. Try as I may, I can't will myself to stop trembling. He leaves her for a moment there, and I notice her hands are bound, but he freed her feet. She's not tethered to anything, she could run. He exits the room and I try to get Bobbi's attention as I hear the front door close. "Bobbi. You could run. You can get a weapon." I whisper. "My cellphone. You can call police on my cellphone. It was in here." She tries to make it to her feet, fave bloodied and I notice the look on her face. She is in fight or flight mode, her eyes wide and spacey. She looks at me like a predator. "You really thi
I constantly tossed and turned, begging every God I could name to stay asleep. I don't want to wake. Being awake has consequences, I have to face my troubles and I'd much rather avoid them all. Sleep makes me feel safe. It's my only escape. I had a dream several days ago like Astral projection. I could be mentally free, and I could go wherever I wanted. I was safe and free! But when I came back to my body, I was dead and rotting in the barn beside Bobbi. It was the night I had killed her, and I came to screaming and hyperventilating. I got two strikes across my bottom for disturbing his slumber, but once he realized I was 'cracking' he softened his stance and offered me sleeping pills and a warm glass of milk. I even got a blanket, all because I said thank you. Now, I'd give anything for more. It felt so surreal, so good to get away from my own mind. To fall into the deep, blac
As much as I tried to not enjoy it, I actually ended up inhaling the Stromboli. Even the thought of sleeping next to him wasn't enough to offset my stomach as I initially thought. The food was warm and soothing, reminding me of happier times. I can remember driving home with my takeout and some household things I had picked up, windows cracked and Creature slobbering out the window. I remember going home and bringing everything in before kicking off my jeans and running upstairs to eat my Stromboli in the warm bath. Music from my phone playing and the lights dim. It felt so liberating. Nobody there to judge me, save for the camera I now know was in my room. No condescending Dallas with his constant looks of disdain that I recieved for having personality or a free spirit. He always did admire conceited and stuffy types, no doubt subconsciously seeking the type of women he had grown up around due t
I nearly choke on air as I fight to greedily gulp through my mouth and nose. It's impossible under the weight to expand my chest and lungs to inhale properly. I can only manage hasty shallow breaths. I don't quite comprehend what's happening and it's only adding to my growing terror. His back is to me as he straddles my chest. He's so heavy, and it's tiring just to get my air in. I wish I could just see him. I can't read him, let alone without being able to face his face and mannerisms."You have to trust me. You have to be still." I shiver and spare a little, but it's all nerves. I have little say in the matter. "Shh..." He rubs my sides and fronts of my legs. "Calm. Calm and still." I can't move my arms or legs to relieve stress, so I just tense my body andvtgrash my head for a moment until so energy is gone. Then I try to still. I'm already starting to cry, and I watch the sky gradually darken as the sun departs.
The sun settles through the window, shining onto my exposed skin and warming it. The air conditioning is chilly, and I'm blanketless thanks to Kellan. He had jumped up to fix breakfast and bring it up. It's almost the same everyday. Three meals, humiliating shower if I've behaved and some crazy, uncomfortable, or painful experience. I'm debating on throwing my entire mind away, because I'm becoming accustomed to this. Eerily comfortable. The intimacy of it all, the nudity, the abuse have all destroyed my modesty and sense of morality. I've become so focused on staying alive that I've lost my ability to separate what I thought was my acting from my true nature.I slept like a baby last night after I summoned the nerve to wake him and ask for water. He had instead brought me a warm tea, and it soothed me. Ibtry to stretch as best I can and situate my cramping neck. I had fallen asleep with ny neck in a bind. Kellan was still holding