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When the bully falls in love 36
There is a glimmer of light in the dark caves within us that show us the way every time we lose ourselves. We follow the light, we let it lead us, when the dark confines of our soul are too thick, too flawed for us. There is always light, everywhere, for anyone brave enough to see and follow it. Life is a series of ups and downs. The absolute highs and ups that make us happy, make us feel like we belong. The ups that become happy memories and a few decades or years later turn into bad and pathetic memories. The downs that strike us straight in the heart, the downs that make us want to stop living, the darkness and sadness that hits you so hard, that you realize you can’t even breathe, you have to let it in. Let the sadness and gloom soak your soul. Then sometimes you realize that depression and sadness has always been a part of you. So, you stop fighting them, you let them wash over you, and you feel how dark and lovely it is, to be free, to let the tears flow. To make peace with
When the bully falls in love 37
My eyes were closed and I was drifting off to slumber, dreaming sweet dreams. For the first time there were no nightmares in my life. For the first time there were no dark spaces in my dreams. It felt peaceful, quiet, happy and real. A few rustling sounds came into my imagination and I kept on sleeping. Not yet ready to let go of my new profound happiness or the buzzling feeling of belong with nature. The sun was scorching hot too but I didn’t care, I didn’t want to let go of this moment. I wanted it to be there forever before the bullies and dirty humanity tainted and spoilt it. Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without words and never stops at all. That was my favorite line from Emily Dickson and her poems. She was a poet and someday I wanted to be a poet like her too. No matter how dumb I was, cramming her lines and relating to them had never been a problem to me, she was my hero. I related to her in every way possible. My life was a mir
When the bully falls in love 38
‘‘Calm down, someone will get to hear us,’’ a male voice called out as it laughed deeply in a heavy masculine voice. ‘‘What no, no one can hear u, we are at the furthest corner of the school, I could scream for all I want,’’ a lady voice that was awfully familiar called out. The excitement in the voices was evident as they came closer. I looked around for a place to hide. The trees around weren’t too being for me to hide behind them. They were tall and slim which only meant that I would be more than visible behind them. If I decided to sprint to another corner, it would be too late. They would have spotted me already. The male voice wasn’t Vince or the bullies that I knew about. Did he send different scouts, or were they the thieves who stole my clothes. ‘‘How dare you look down on thieves when you are the grand one, remember Sandra’s clothes, the washing soap, this is karma kissing you hard and fast,’’ my subconscious warned and laughed at me. No person could ever be sane when di
When the bully falls in love 39
‘‘It seems we are doomed to talk to each other,’’ Cage commented after his multiple attempts to make nice conversation with me. ‘‘Doomed it is,’’ I replied acting cool. Barbra had left us alone to find me clothes. According to her, her jumpsuits could fit me well, because she went for bigger sizes that stretched. She actually admitted to me that sometimes se wears sponges under her clothes to make her butts and hips look bigger. It was crazy how much she was willing to risk for me. She was sneaking during class hours to find me some clothes. If found she would be sent home to come back with her parents, go too detention and even worse. She was a new student and being found on the spotlight with a mistake wouldn’t look too good. To be honest, I wouldn’t risk my life for anyone in such a wat. I dint think that I could even do it for her. Human beings had proven to be very unreliable lately, unlovable and all sorts of bad adjectives that could fit into a sentence with the noun human.
When the bully falls in love 40
‘‘Another round, the second last one,’’ Barbra pleaded as she insisted that we continue playing the famous game of Truth and Dare. ‘‘But you have been saying that for the last few minutes or is it hours,’’ I mocked. I didn’t want the game to end either. I wanted to keep on playing and laughing with them before going back to my class and terrible reality. I wish they would walk boldly with me in the hallways of the school too. To prove to the world that I was in fact lovable, acceptable and human. Walk with me in the hallways holding hands or anything, to prove to the bullies that I had won. That I had friends and was really happy no matter what they did or said to me. ‘‘We are not here long enough on earth to be living unhappy,’’ C age burst out,’’ so let’s all just sleep in the nearest shade and make stories and laugh until we can’t laugh anymore and our throats run dry. I was vouching with Cage’s idea because I loved sleeping and treated it like a hobby. It was the
When the bully falls in love Forty-one
‘‘Why do you look hesitant, its just tea, no big deal,’’ Barbra nagged my shoulder. I knew it was tea, just simple, perhaps tea and some donuts or cake. ‘‘Its not about the tea, its about the place where we are going to take tea,’’ I sighed. I felt like I was too much, I was already beginning to weigh them down with my problems and my original scared self was coming back too. ‘‘Its just a stupid room where people eat and come out, nothing much, you come out with your belly full,’’ she laughed again. I knew it was a simple room for them, for everyone, but to me it wasn’t. It was the place where I had also experienced my lowest moments on earth. It was the room that was full of bad and pathetic memories. It was the place where Vince bullied me for the first time. We should probably have an anniversary of enmity between us, because bullying me had become his new obsession and hobby, her had been doing it for so long that I even lost touch with being a normal girl. I almost forgot how
When the bully falls in love Forty-Two
It has never been my style to get late for class and make big grand entrances. I dint even like making appearances or standing out in the crowd, like Vince. I was late for class, this round not Mr. Thomas’ boring math’s lesson, but English.Everyone thought she was lovely and beautiful, with her wide smiled, perfectly shaped cheekbones and elegant clothes she wore every day. Not to mention the six inches high heeled shoes that she wore every day. I had been praying for decades for her to fall down and break a jaw or arm, anything. When it comes to terrible teachers, Mr. Thomas was at the top of the list, followed by Madam Caren.English teachers just tended to be too much of themselves, too proud, too beautiful, too happy, too bright smiles. Everything about them was just so much that I always felt like it was choking me. She just burned too brightly and kept wearing bright colors to school every day. Bright yellow tops and dresses, bright red suits, and everything that could shout fr
When the bully falls in love Forty -three
My head remained on the locker with my hands clutching my clothes tightly. The voices around me were louder and people hadn’t finished laughing, this was fun, so much fun for them. I felt helpless as a hot open debate began on the next row. A debate loud enough for me to hear. People debating what size my panties were and others speculating that I was bright to have poked holes there to breathe.‘‘Have you noticed that she rarely smells since Vince taught her how to bathe and poke holes in her pants to breathe,’’ a voice said as thunderous laughter followed.‘‘Has anyone noticed that she dresses like a seventeenth century grandmother or its just me?’’ ‘’How did she even recite the whole poem perfectly; something doesn’t add up?’’The discussions were hot and lively as I sat their quietly.I lifted my head up to look around and noticed that the bully was missing. Not the bully, almost the whole class was full of bullies, but the chief bully was nowhere to be seen. Was he even their
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