I concentrated harder and harder until I was cross-eyed, completely focusing on the math in my book. The bell rang, and the Math teacher left, feeling played and disappointed, but still, I couldn't take my eyes off the book, so heaven existed. It was real. Angels were out here watching me.
I knew it. Some salvation. The... My internal monologue was interrupted when someone waved his hand several times in front of me. It was Paul looking at me awkwardly with narrowed slits. He pulled the book in front of me and took it away, returning mine.I peered down at my book, at the unfinished sum, and closed my eyes, feeling weightless and meaningless. There were no miracles or angels, after all. Why did he do that? I scribbled the sum I had crammed from his work down and closed my book as a feeling of relief swept over my whole being. Once in my life, someone decided to help me. Somebody looked my way, even if it wasn't an angel. "I am just curious, how did that happen? Everyone knows you can't do even the simplest math on the planet? "Fred asked, annoyed with his nostrils flared. " If you are stupid, you have to know I'm not, "I replied, trying to make my comeback, attempting to place Vince's smirk on my face. Paul and Fiona had turned around, watching our desk. I looked at Paul with a bright face, debating the words to say, the best way to show him how grateful I was. The moment I opened my mouth to speak, they both burst into laughter, including Fred. He laughed hysterically, crossing his arms over his stomach in an attempt to catch his breath as his chest moved up and down. "I told you she was about to flash her pair of poisonous canines, "Paul exclaimed, referring to my extra front teeth. I ran my tongue behind my teeth to feel if they were sharp or had venom and wished I had some poison to bite them so they could all die. " Her face looks like a wet weekend, " Fiona added as they continued guffawing.I looked down, sad, disappointed, hating myself more for looking like I did. "Thirty-four, Fatrez, what do you need all that for, " Fred shouted. With the mention of the number thirty-four, a name I was given for having two extra front teeth, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me as all the hope and self-esteem I had in me evaporated and disappeared. Slowly, my head made contact with my locker, and I closed my eyes, defeated, feeling down in the dumps. Someone pulled at my pigtails, but I stayed that way, focusing on the darkness I saw when I closed my eyes, letting it lead me. "Whooa, she is mad, you guys move out of the way. She is going to explode.""One, two, three, " Fiona counted, waiting for me to explore, say something, and lift my head up. It was not fun when I was quiet and my face hidden. That was it for me, the counting. It was the furthest I could go on the edge of a cliff, I opened my locker in an abrupt fast movement, and it hit her head, just like I wanted. She was leaning dangerously close to my locker, and she deserved that. The whole class went quiet as she held her head, stifling cries of pain."Today is your last day in school and maybe on earth too. You've got to live it to the fullest. You can't go down without a fight, " my subconscious reminded me. The fact that they cared too much enough to go quiet meant that they cared about her, she was pretty, and all her crushes in class would come for me. I was so dead. I looked to find the science teacher standing in front of the class, reading some lists. When did he get in? We were paired up for our science experiments."Shaley Perez, Sasha Woods, " that was my partner. The brightest and most beautiful girl in class, also a royal pain in the ass.Couldn't they just pair me with some average person who wanted to stop living like me? "Sir, can anyone change their partners if they are not comfortable?" Sasha asked." Who is your partner? What is the problem?""Free, ah no, Perez, " she corrected as the whole class giggled. "I don't think we can work together or form a pair. We are not compatible. I mean, I am not comfortable. ""Anyone who wants to rotate their partner, "the teacher asked.The whole class started murmuring. Nobody was ready. Fiona had untied her neat burn and left her hair down to cover her injury. She was looking straight ahead, not joining the murmurs. "Ryan, do you want to pair with Perez, ""No! " the perfect replied. "Well, Miss Sasha, there is a reason I paired you this way for science. Unless you have a valid reason, you will have to work together. "Sasha heaved and supported her head with her hands, showing how helpless and disappointed she was. A note was passed to my desk, and I read the contents before closing my eyes to hold the tears back. "You stick out like a fucking sore thumb, Sasha the queen, "I didn't throw it away but folded it neatly and placed it in my locker as I tried to breathe out all the hate projected towards me. When a person is rotten inside, they can never attract love. At this point, I felt like some low life, not human, foul bacteria or damp Moss that didn't deserve to exist among people. It was clear. Nobody wanted me as a partner in science class, not that I blamed them. They had a right to choose what was best for them, and it was not me. God, how much I hated myself.Don't dawdle or hurry. Just act natural, Keep your cool, and stay calm.People wore that demeanour when they were about to skip Science class and sneak out of school.The school was fenced with a proverbial brick wall, covered with spools of barbed wire, the kind that was certain to cut a person to ribbons if they tried to scale the barricade.What happened between Fiona and me was the calm before the storm. I wasn't stupid enough to wait for the volcano and storms to erupt.I finally reached the famous spot behind the school garden, where Vince and his friends had cut the fence and pulled a few bricks down from the wall.A silver of hope burrowed through my heart when I saw it open and noticed no one was looking. I looked behind one last time at the school building, the garden and the flowers. And my blood boiled silently at all the unhappy memories the Bullies had created in my life.I just wanted the whole school to undergo some down warping and sinking with everyone, starting with
" Welcome home, boss," my stepmother mocked as she opened my car door, expecting it to make my spirit sink a little.Without an iota of remorse, I stepped out, not bothering to close the passenger side.She rolled her eyes unbelievably, taking time to digest the events happening around her." What did you just do?" She asked while trembling, refusing to believe." You ungrateful brat!" She screamed.But as usual, I had blocked the world from getting to me. The only sounds were those inside my head. As I fantasized about breathing out dragon flames and exhaling one large fume to burn the house across the street, Vince's house.It stood there looking nice and beautiful with a dysfunctional heap of garbage he calls a family living inside.Inhaling a deep breath, I let out a large ugly howl and roar focusing it on the building.It didn't burn. It just stood there." It's an ugly house anyway," I muttered under my breath as I started moving." What, now you think your father's house is ugly
I splashed water on my face several times, but nothing changed. The girl in the mirror was someone I knew well, eyes twisted and bloodshot, completely lacking warmth, an ugly face, and a very fat body. Except she was now a redhead. I could not scrub my hair anymore without peeling off my skin. Whatever chemical that stupid drink was made of had dyed my hair red. Pain demanded to be felt, and that was what I was going to do. If I was hurting, I needed to see a scar, some blood, not just pain without evidence. Nervously, I took the scalpel I got from home science and pressed it on my wrist. I then added a little pressure. Just a little more, and the pain would go away; the pain would turn to pleasure. I made the first thin cut, and blood appeared in small dotted lines. Then more diagonal cuts. The blood came out artistically. Making my wrists look beautiful, like tiers in a railroad truck. For the first time, something in me was beautiful and uniquely artistic. As the small cuts be
As soon as Ryan sprinted out of class, the bell rang.The bell always signified the beginning of my misery because the bully would be waiting for me.Vince would haunt me down in all the corridors and wouldn't rest until my life was miserable.I gathered my books and half ran out of the classroom. Today if I was lucky enough, I would escape and go home without running into the bully.Laughter and snickering filled my ears as I hurried my pace. Everyone in Maslow high school knew that if they were having a bad day, all they needed to do was poke my nose or watch me walk so they could laugh. Not one laughter but multiple Snickers and jokes filled my ears as I walked past them.I didn't blame them for laughing. I was wearing a long flare skirt that went below my knees. My top was tight, barely covering my fat stomach, and I was sweating. To be honest, I looked like an old oversized grandmother living on a ranch.As I hurried my pace praying for my luck, I felt the fat under my arm shaki
This was the end of a normal day for me. The end of a normal day in Maslow High School.The end of one misery signified the beginning of another.As I walked home, a group of kids who were eight or nine followed me behind every day. And today was no exception.I just kept walking, without an atom of care, focussing ahead. Today was bad. Vince actually hit me today, a first. Every day, Vince threatened to hit me, and today he actually did it.Some sticky stuff hit my face, and I stopped to look at it.Bubble gum, chewed bubble gum.I looked to find the usual group of kids standing in front of me. Apparently, they were not too happy that I wasn't acknowledging them today." Who are you staring at?" I asked.They all roared with laughter and looked at each other." I told you she was funny?" A young boy whispered loudly.I squirmed my way through the wall of children, and they tugged and pulled my hair as I made my way.One of these days, I was going to go far away, without letting anyone
I felt a hand tugging and pulling me as a voice I recognized kept talking to me. "Perez, Perez," it was Barbra again. "Oh, hey, I must have gotten dizzy," I replied as I pulled myself back to oblivion. The lesson was awful, as usual. After toying around for an eternity, the teacher moved to the worst part of the lesson. "We will be competing to reach the other end, in groups of nine people each to see your progress in all the lessons we have been having," she announced. "Fuck it," Barbra hissed next to me. But at least the swimming lesson was better than the French class. Here you could lazy around for a whole lesson as you pretended to listen or do the things the teacher said."Do you have a personal history with that teacher, because whatever she did there was pretty intense, I mean why would anyone go to all that length to defame and do all that to you?" I asked."Never mind, it's in the past now," I lied. I noticed heads around me turning to look at something. We followed su
As soon as the class was settled and the terrible math teacher was in the middle of delivering his boring speech, the door flew open, and Vince walked in without any apology or atom of care. He was intentionally late because he always wanted to make an entrance. Honestly, he knew how to steal attention because the world seemed to stop as he bounced towards his seat.Was I crushing on my bully? Hell no, I was just noticing some facts that were too obvious. To be honest, he was the epitome of teenage cool, something straight from Hollywood, in his own world. Something even I wished I could be. Sasha walked in closely behind. She looked so happy and was trying to hide a smile and grin. If you knew a female who had been freshly sext and dickmatized, then it was Sasha.As usual, Mr Thomas was enjoying all the drama. He was a very unusual teacher, from coming to class late, giving out one sum and falling asleep right in front of us to spending countless lessons cracking jokes and telling s
My mama and papa used to express their love in special ways when we used to live together. They would scream out of love, father would break the coffee table out of love. Their love was special, it was another dimension of love that not many people understood. How could I pretend to be surprised when Edrin pushed my head on the locker yet i had been accustomed to that all my life. Vince was right, I’m a village soldier, I’m stronger than Bruce Lee and I can’t start giving up right now when I’ve come so far, when I’ve survived all the violence. All I wanted right now was to go to the edge of the world and scream at anything. The clouds, the horizon. It was the universe’ fault that I was so ugly. I was breaking inside and it was happening fast. I didn’t care about lunch break and all the food that was inside the cafeteria. The bullies could have it all, everything, my lunch, today I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of snatching my lunch, pouring water inside my food or anything. I