Seren, what's your deal? 🙄
My heart pounded with indignation, and I can feel my face tighten and contort as I struggled not to cry.How dare Andrew bring me out with these people after introducing Sandra to them—and not giving me a warning? And worse, from the way Seren is acting, Sandra must have had feelings for Max during her visit to London, and she must have shared her thoughts with Andrew and his friends. Before now, I thought that Sandra didn't confessed much to Andrew. At least not anything too incriminating. I assumed this because, when we were kids, Sandra once told me that she didn't divulge anything embarrassing or controversial even in her own diary because she feared an early demise from a fluke accident—something undignified like dropping her hair dryer in the bathtub or choking on a hot dog. And Upon her death, she can't bear the thought of her parents reading an entry that might make them think less of her. I had told her that it doesn't matter because she would be dead, but she said that it's
Andrew calmly selected a Coldplay CD, turned the volume higher than appropriate, and sank Into his couch.He gave me a gritty gaze. "Okay. Look," he said over the loud music. "I'm really tired of this shit, Tessy. I am really, 'really' sick of it.""So am I," I said, reaching over to turn down his stereo. Andrew held up his hand as if to warn me that interrupting is not allowed. "So we're going to discuss this tonight and then never again, okay?""Fine," I said. " That is all I wanted in the first place.""Okay. When Sandra came here to visit me, she told me that she . . . that she had feelings for Max.""I knew it!" I said, pointing at him."Are you going to listen or not?" Andrew asked as if he's losing his patience.I swallowed hard and nodded."And she had been having those feelings for some time, but not that long a time.""How long?""A few weeks . . . maybe a few months.""A few months?" I shouted.He looked at me angrily, as if he's done with the conversation. "Sorry. Go on.
I know what he wants to say: I had hooked up with Jon even though Sandra was interested in him. "Oh, give me a freaking break, Andrew. Jon was not Sandra's boyfriend! They had kissed, like, one time. It was never going to go anywhere." "I wasn't thinking of Jon." "So then what were you thinking of?" "Well . . . I just think that you would do the same thing to Sandra if the circumstances presented themselves. If you had fallen in love with one of her boyfriends, nothing would have stopped you from going after him. Nor Sandra's feelings, nor the stigma of taking your best friend's man. Nothing." "No," I said firmly. "That's not true." " I think you have a long, long history of going after exactly what you want, Tessy. Whatever that is. Come hell or high water. Until now, Sandra has always played second fiddle to you. And you shamelessly let her do the whole lady-in-waiting routine. All through high school she was at your beck and call, letting you show off. You liked it that way. A
I woke up to the rays of sunlight that crept into the room and onto my face. And I suddenly felt a little thud coming from a particular side of my belly. Was it my baby that just kicked? Did she know that mommy is sad? There has been other times when I thought I felt her—only to realize that it was likely just indigestion or hunger pangs. But there's no confusing it today—an unmistakable sensation of tiny feet moving inside, churning up against my organs and bones. I put my hand on the spot, right under my rib cage, as I waited to feel my baby girl again. And sure enough, I felt another small but distinct nudge and twitch. This is really crazy, considering that my stomach is now the size of a basketball and that it took the flutter of baby feet for my pregnancy to move beyond theoretical and feel real. I can't believe it—that I have a baby inside of me, an actual little person who is going to be born in a few short months. I am going to be a mother. In a way, I am already. I curl
I stared out my barred window into the clear but dreary London morning. Today that I felt my baby first kick, I will make a turning point in my life. I will prove to Andrew that I am not the bad person he had described me as, last night. I stood up, found a pad of paper in the bottom of one of my suitcases. I ripped out a page and wrote: "Steps to Becoming a Better Tessy."I hesitated by replaying Andrew's speech in my head again and then, I started scribbling . . . 1. Visit an ob-gyn in London and prepare for motherhood. 2. Be more healthy, i.e., eat better, no caffeine or alcohol. 3. Get myself some new girlfriends (no competition with them). 4. Inform my family that I'm in London and that I'm okay. 5. Get a job (preferably a do-gooding job). 6. Stop buying clothes (and shoes and bags etc.) and start saving money! I examined my list and it looks like something is missing and so I put down my last number. 7. Refine my character (i.e., be less selfish and sel
On my way home, I ducked inside a coffee shop for a short rest, ordered a decaffeinated latte, and hunkered down in a big overstuffed armchair. On the couch next to me sat two women—a blonde and a brunette—who looked about my age. The blonde balanced a baby on one knee as she struggled to eat a brownie with her free hand. Both ladies wore tiny diamonds on their left ring fingers, just as Andrew once told me that the Brits are less ostentatious about engagement rings than Americans. I think that is one of the reasons why Andrew likes London. The Brits' understated quality is the opposite of what he said I am—more or less a shameless showoff.From the corner of my eyes, I studied the women. The blonde has a weak chin but good highlights; the brunette wore gripping aqua velour sweats but held an enviable Prada bag. I know I'm not being shallow for checking out her clothing. I am just being observant, which is a very good virtue. What isn't okay, is drawing conclusions about the women as
I waited at the door for Andrew to return home. A bowl of homemade Greek salad and a glass of wine were carefully placed on the dining table by me while classical music played from his stereo. Andrew walked into the living room with a confused expression."Welcome home!" I said, smiling nervously as I ran back to the dining table to get him his glass, and handed it to him carefully to avoid spilling the wine.He took it from me tentatively, sipped, and looked around his apartment. "It looks great in here. Smells good too. Did you clean?"I nodded. "mhmm. I scoured the place. I even cleaned your room," I said. "Still think I'm a lousy friend?"He took another sip and sat on his couch. "I didn't say that exactly."I sat next to him. "Yes you did."He gave me a half-smile. "You can be a good friend when you try, Tessy. You tried today. Thank you."And the "thank you" is enough for me. Of course the old me would have held out for an *'outstanding'* apology coupled with a complete retract
This morning, I was prodded by another series of kicks from my baby. Andrew has already left for the day, so I used his computer to type up my résumé and a quick cover letter, which articulately explained that my success in the world of public relations had everything to do with my outgoing personality, and that certainly this quality would skyrocket the success rate of any company I'm employed to.I spell-checked the letter, opting for the British spelling of the words 'colourful' and 'organised'.Then, I showered, dressed, and headed out into the London chill to apply for a job at the nursing home Orla and Meg had told me about. * * ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** I arrived at the nursing home and got blasted by the district and depressing odor of old people and institutional food. I immediately felt a wave of morning sickness. I rummaged my purse, found a mint and drew deep breath through my mouth.I studied two little old ladies in matching floral smocks parked in the lobby. As I watch