Sanity From The Past

I reached a new level of depression that I did not know even existed. I struggled to get out of bed. I no longer cared when or if I showered. I threw out all my makeup, and hardly ever wore jewelry. I felt tired all the time, but my brain was constantly moving. I hardly ate, food just was not appetizing. I no longer drew, played little phone games, or read books. Nothing held my attention, I just wanted to sleep. When I was asleep, I did not have to live in the nightmare I was in. Sleep was my escape from my own hell.

Jax did not care that I was withdrawn. He was back to drinking and it was steadily getting worse. As long as I kept my mouth shut, and the kids stayed quiet and out of his hair, he was usually content. Occasionally he would release the biting remark reminding me of how fat I was, ugly, or his personal favorite insult whore. It had been three weeks since he forced himself on me, but since then he has not physically touched me.