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EP35
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(bxb)in love with him EP36
There,” I say, switching off the engine. “Welcome to my castle.”Raven leans forward, examining the red brick building with its dirt stained walls and dust covered windows.“Not much better than the warehouse,” he says, unbuckling his seat belt.All of his movements are slow and deliberate, as if everything demands effort and concentration. He looks like a ghost, his skin blueish pale and still dirty despite the cleaning we did by the tap in the basement. He needs a good hot bath. We both do.We go up to the fifth floor, stopping on each landing long enough for him to catch his breath. The elevator has been out of service since before I was born, if Mrs. Macintosh from the first floor was to be believed. Going up and down the five flights of stairs had seemed like a small price to pay in exchange for the low rent, but for Raven this is probably an exercise at the limit of his endurance.It takes u
(bxb)in love with him EP37
I sit on the makeshift mattress bed I have made for myself on the floor, flipping through the TV channels when Raven finally appears from the bathroom. He has a towel wrapped around his head like a turban and is wearing my pants and sweatshirt that look ridiculously baggy on him. He stops in the middle of the room and looks at me.“Really?” he says. “You intend to sleep on the floor?”“Yep,” I say. “You’re sick, so you have the bed for tonight.”“I’m not sick.” He shuffles to the bed and plops onto it. “Just...tired.”I switch the TV off. “You should eat something.”“Later.” He lifts his feet onto the bed and stretches out on his back. “Tomorrow.”He unwraps the towel and drops it to the floor, then runs his fingers through his damp hair, spreading it on the pillow around his head. The room is most
(bxb)in love with him E38
When I return to the kitchen, Raven is still sitting by the table, wrapped cozily in the quilt he brought from the room, drinking coffee and eating tuna straight from the can. In front of him lies a two weeks old newspaper he found on the counter, and he turns the pages, holding his fork between two fingers like a cigarette. As I stop in the doorway, he raises his eyes and squints at me. In the morning light he looks better than he did yesterday, although still painfully pale and thin.“I’m going to work,” I say. “I’ve missed too many shifts.”He shrugs. “Okay. Have fun.”“I’m locking you in.”He blinks. “Don’t you have a spare key?”“I do, but I can’t give it to you.”He puts the newspaper aside and raises his eyebrows in a mock shock.“So, I’m still imprisoned,” he says, getting up. &l
(bxb)in love with him EP39
Even before I open the door, I already know. I can just sense it, standing with the key in my hand, listening to the silence inside the apartment. No TV, no footsteps, no clanging of dishes, nothing. I could assume he’s asleep, but no. He’s gone.I turn the key and push the door open and then stop in the doorway, looking around.The apartment is empty.I close the door and drop my keys into the bowl by the entrance. I walk into the room and plop onto the couch, and then just sit there, watching the orange light outside change gradually to grey.I guess I knew it even before I gave him the keys in the morning. Still, I’ve chosen to trust him one more time, just like people keep on buying lottery tickets knowing they can’t win. I couldn’t win, either, and now I’m back to where I’ve started three years ago. He’s probably on some bus already, heading out of the city, or even out of the state. I
(bxb)in love with him E40
I’m pretending to be asleep on my mattress when Raven comes out of the bathroom. I can hear his light steps across the room, then the bed creaks as he sits down on it. For a few seconds, it’s completely quiet.“Come on,” he says. “I know you’re awake.”I roll my eyes without opening them. “How can you tell?”“You breathe differently when you sleep.”“Differently how?”“You snore.”My eyes fly open. “What?”I sit up and glare at him. He watches me from the bed, his eyes gleaming with amusement.“You snore,” he repeats. “I don’t mind. Come here.” He pats the blanket by his side.“We’re not sharing a bed.” I shake my head. “And I don’t snore.”“You’re wrong on both accounts.” He tilts his head
(bxb)in love with him EP41
How about we talk about us?” Raven says.“How about we just eat?” I say.It’s dark behind the large glass windows, but inside of the restaurant, the light is yellow and cozy. It’s the middle of the week, so the place is mostly empty and quiet, apart from the sounds of dishes coming from the kitchen and some Italian song playing through the speakers. There’s only one other guest that I can see, an elderly man sitting in the booth next to ours, reading a newspaper, so it feels like we have the place mostly to ourselves.Raven leans back on the red leather couch, watching me.“We could have eaten at home,” he says.“I wanted to take you out.”“Aww.” He leans forward again, placing his elbows on the table. “So, it’s a date? After everything, we’re finally having a date?”I glance up at him, a bit uncomfortable with
(bxb)in love with him EP42
I push the door open and the warm atmosphere of the apartment enwraps me, a sharp contrast to the cold December air that’s been biting at my face outside. I kick my boots off and unwrap my scarf, then pause for a moment, breathing in the smells and listening to the clanking of dishes coming from the kitchen.It’s been almost half a year since we’ve started living together, but it still gives me a pause every time I come home. I wonder if Raven feels the same on the days he returns late and finds me there, going over my notes or preparing assignments. I wonder if finding someone waiting for him at home feels as heart-warming to him as it does to me.I peek into the kitchen and find him by the counter, still dressed in his green and white uniform, stacking the plastic boxes with the food he brought from Bella Bueno. Working in a restaurant has come with an unexpected perk of leftover foods that the waiters of the evening shifts can take home.
(bxb)in love with him EP 43
I pull up the handbrake and turn the engine off. Then I just sit there for a while, looking at the white piles of snow along the familiar road and the holiday decorations on the houses, listening to Raven’s soft breathing next to me. Even though I didn’t want him to take that morning shift in Bella Bueno, I do appreciate that it has rendered him tired enough to have fallen asleep in the car, saving me two hours of his inquiries of where we’re going. If he knew, he wouldn’t have come. “Raven,” I say quietly. “Wake up. We’re there.” He winces and stirs, then rubs his face before looking out of the window. He freezes with his hands still on his cheeks, then turns to me. “Surprise!” I say. “Now get out.” His left hand shoots out and grabs me by the sleeve. “Are you kidding me?” he hisses. “I’m not going there! Why haven’t you told me?” “You could have guessed,” I say. “It’s a fam
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