One good thing that came out of this morning is that the kids had a splendid breakfast. I made them pancakes, eggs, bacon, and sausage. It is not normal for me to cook breakfast, and especially not a feast like this. I needed to keep moving though, if I stopped the sight of them in my living room floods my mind. After the kids have eaten, I grab the broom and dustpan so that I can go sweep up the glass from the broken bottle. I know that later the kids will be in the living room, and I would not be able to forgive myself if one of them got hurt because of my stupid anger.I hate that I even have to walk back into my living room. It feels tainted now. I am mad at myself for throwing the bottle against the wall. Now I have to be the one to clean up the mess. I guess that is what I always do, clean up messes. I sigh as I move the chair away from the wall. I am going to have to pull out the vacuum to clean the glass off of the chair. As I sweep

My life quickly fell into a new routine. The kids were helping around the house more. I switched from caregiving at night, to caregiving during the day. The bills were still piling up quickly, so I took a second job that was part time working as a bartender. I did not get to see Jayce that much anymore, but we have shared a few more nights of unbridled passion. The sex was definitely my favorite stress relief. I filed for child support from Donavon, but nicely got informed that because he is considered a disabled Veteran there was not much that they could do. They could not garnish his disability check, and he never applied for social security, so the children do not get benefits from that either. I basically get told that I can pursue a child support case if I want to, but it would be a huge waste of my time.It seemed like no matter how much I worked the bills got higher and higher, and there was no help in sight. I used coupons to help c

At the end of January, I knew that Jayce and I were done. He never responded to any of my text messages, and he sent all my calls to voicemail. I hate that I was the reason we ended the brief interlude that we had. I missed feeling his hands on my body, and I really missed having him as a friend that I could talk to. I was mad at myself for reading too much into our time. I really thought that Jayce liked me as more than just a person he was having sex with. Perhaps men are not like women and they can freely have sex without ever developing a deeper connection. I cried a few times over the situation, but at the end of the day life went on.I was still working crazy hours, although with Christmas out of the way things were starting to look up slightly. Levi was doing an excellent job helping take care of his siblings. I still harbor a lot of guilt for needing to lean on my own child, but I did not have any other options. The kids were actual

Jax and I continued texting through out the week. I enjoyed getting to know him. He had a different kind of humor, a cocky attitude but he was sweet towards me. I liked that he seemed to be a caring father. He proudly took pictures and showed me the nail polish his daughter had painted on his fingernails. We talked about easy and cheap dinner ideas, and how difficult it was to learn the new methods of math that they are teaching the kids in school. I liked having another adult to talk to about the kids.I believe that we truly bonded over talking about laundry, and household chores. He was dedicated to his kids, and I found that very appealing. We talked about our dreams of a real family, and even though his views were a bit more chauvinistic than mine we still agreed on a ton of things. I liked being able to honestly tell someone how I thought I was failing as a mother, and them understanding exactly what I was feeling and going through. T

I am not exactly sure when we decided to go to Jax’s house. I was not really thinking once we got into the cab. The world had disappeared and only Jax and I existed in our lust filled daze. For a brief second, I wondered how smart it was that I was headed to a house where I had never been, and no one knew where I was going. The thought disappeared as Jax kissed me hard, massaging the back of my neck. I was lost in the passionate embrace he enveloped around us. Somewhere I am sure that there was a part of my brain that was still rational and probably yelling at me to stop.It did not take long to get to Jax’s house. It was a cute little yellow house on the top of a hill. I did not admire it too long because Jax was grabbing my hand leading me into the house. Once inside I noted that the house was much smaller than it appeared on the outside. To my surprise Jax’s kids were not only home, but they were all still up. My face i