Max It's my birthday . Happy birthday to me but it's not a happy one. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did when Ellie said I should give her time. I just don't have the patience to give someone time when I know I can help remedy whatever they are going through. I was peeved and Mia came at the wrong time ... Just as the alcohol was kicking in and I really couldn't counter any attack. Even being straddled and kissed in public and my girlfriend seeing it . I usually have self-control ; I would never , and I mean ever cheat on Ellie or sleep with someone else just to get back at her. She broke up with me. She gave me the same look she gave me when I broke her heart and ran away with Betty. I don't recall what happened last night; but all I know is that I owe Eleanor an apology and I have some begging to do. My birthday fell on a Sunday and I didn't have anything planned. I knew I wanted to spend it with the

  Max The hardest goodbyes are the ones we never see coming. You are never ready to say goodbye.When the doctor told us about Ralph Ellie cried again on my shoulder . We were not told the cause of death,because we were not his legal guardians. A week later when we went to the funeral Ellie wasn't herself. We were both dealing with loss, and I didn't want us to go through it alone. I've made the mistake of holding back with Ellie before and I don't want to make the same mistake again. We were also a couple of days away from tournament . Ellie stayed behind after the funeral. The words she spoke hit home in more ways than one. I am a man who is always in control of his emotions , and Ellie always sees right through me . She said; " When loss happens ; we feel everything and nothing at the same time. You want to numb the bad feelings, but you can't do that without affecting the

 Max I haven't been to Ellie's apartment . She has only ever been in mine which was across the road from hers. I gave her my key and she gave me hers the other morning. I've been traveling with the team and I am only two games away from mu suspension being served . Ellie's apartment is gorgeous. It looks like a proper bachelorette pad that reflects her personality. The kitchen was my favorite room, besides the bedroom . Ellie's kitchen was organized; her fridge too . I knew she loved food but she stored it in such a way that even a chef would go into the pantry and plan a meal for a week . She had recipes for days on the tablet by the pantry. I wanted to make her dinner and surprise her with date night. She wasn't much of a meat eater ; so I had to go out to the store to go get some . I knew she was picky, and she'd ask me where the meat came from and was it sourced responsibly . Just the other day I treated her to steak and chips with

 Max Ever since the explosion and the whole Dexter incident at the office Ellie hasn't been okay. She had renovated the lake house and moved back to our home town. I on the other hand haven't been around. When I arrived at the Club thinking that I was going to work with Ellie , I was surprised that I was going to work with Sam. He and I are good friends, and I didn't mind. I knew that Ellie was contracted to travel with us , but with the baby on the way I don't think that's a good idea .I was also starting to get worried because she hadn't been answering my calls or text. I wasn't fully back on the team but my first official game after serving my suspension was at home and it was this weekend . I had to work on my match fitness and that meant I'd be away from Ellie for a couple of weeks. I had put the hours and I was given time off to recover . So the day before the game I would be going through drills and the game plan . I arrived back home late Saturday e

 MaxI love long talks with Ellie. I knew she needed her space and even though it was difficult for me to let her be; my patience paid off because after her screaming episode ,she opened up after I calmed her down . I got more worried when she stood up to go get water and she sat back down cringing in pain. It turned out her body was adjusting .She did tell me that it felt like her own body was under attack. She had spoken to Daniel and he assured her she was fine. Sunday morning we went to the earliest service was at six thirty ,and by seven thirty in the morning we were on our way back home . Ellie was finally asleep. As much as I loved the lake house ,I had a surprise for Ellie. Salvatore had helped me keep the surprise I had for her under wraps. I also needed a bit of a nap but not as much as Ellie did. She couldn't sleep and her reasons were valid and her fears were not baseless.  I missed my chance at being a father because the gir