Can't Trust Summer

Can't Trust Summer

By:  Nessui  Ongoing
Language: English_tagalog
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Hendell always look for ways and means to create things that makes her happy through writing. She loves poetry and literature. She found freedom and strength when she is constructing words to create a beautiful creation. But in real life, she is aloof. Her doctor diagnosed her with Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD). That is why she is afraid of people and their judgements and criticisms. She find it hard to trust people so she close her doors and build a wall to protect herself from her own fears. But a guy named Harken suddenly came in the picture. In his presence and kindness, she found herself trusting so much. She learned to open up and discover the world outside her own imagination. However, all good things didn't last. Harken left her like everyone does that made her world turned dark again. And it get worse. She felt betrayed. Her heart filled with pain and bitterness. She became the opposite of her past self. When Harken came back, she knows what to do. Now, it’s her turn to hurt him.

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Margarita
nice plot miss author, keep it up! Waiting for more chaps
2021-11-06 12:44:15
1
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MarshiaCalahan29
This is good. I never na thought na nakakapagsulat ka talaga ng book. I like the way it was executed. Update lagi! ...
2021-10-18 00:14:44
3
42 Chapters
CHAPTER ONE
 I always thought the moment you learn how to think like an adult would be the start of stability in your own life. Na kapag marunong ka na at alam mo na ang tama sa mali, kaya mo ng makipagsabayan sa ikot ng mundo. Hindi pala iyon ganoon kadali. Hindi sa akin. Ever since my doctor diagnosed me with Social Anxiety Disorder, I learned that I am not in a normal state. Kaya pala magmula noong maliit pa lang ako ay ganito na ang nararamdaman ko. Kaya pala palaging lumalakas ang pagtibok ng puso ko kapag nasa harap ako ng maraming tao. Kaya pala nahihirapan akong lumapit sa mga kaklase ko para humingi ng tulong. Kaya pala naapektuhan ng sobra ang buhay ko.  Dahil doon, nakuntento na lang ako sa pagmamasid. I learned how to be happy through writing. Parang may kausap na rin ako kapag nagsimula na akong magtipa para ipahayag ang mga nasa isip ko. At least when I jot down all my thoughts, no one would criticize and judge me. That all of my say
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CHAPTER TWO
"Ano nga ulit 'yon?"  Nanginginig kong ibinulsa ang dalawang kamay ko. Hindi ko alam kung dala ba ito ng sakit ko o sadyang naiinis na ako sa paulit ulit na tanong ni Mrs. Palmeras na halata namang hindi nakikinig sa akin. Nasa TV ang buong atensyon niya nang dumating ako para ireklamo ang ingay na nagmumula sa kuwarto ng anak nitong si Marcio. Ang alam ko ay isa itong bandista na walang patutunguhan dahil sa naririnig ko ay hindi naman raw ito magaling. Araw araw akong nagtitiis sa tunog ng electric guitar at heavy metal music nitong kulang na lang ay maging instrumento para pasabugin ang tenga ko.  I do appreciate music but if it is too much, if it is Marcio's music to be exact, ay parang gusto ko na lang mawalan ng tenga.  Lumunok ako at saglit na sinalubong ang naiiritang tingin ni Mrs. Palmeras. "Baka 'ho puwedeng sabihan niyo si Marcio na hinaan ang pagpapatugtog. Masiyado po
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CHAPTER THREE
The least favorite-- not even close to favorite part of my day is always the afternoon. Specifically, summer afternoon. I feel extra sad and depressed. Ito ‘yong mga oras na gusto kong antukin pero hindi ko magawa. When afternoon comes, I do my best to distract myself from hurting myself. But it is just… sometimes. Hindi naman palaging gusto kong mawala. Pero palagi akong sobrang lungkot kapag sumasapit ang hapon. I really don't like the struggle to wait until night comes. Hindi ko alam kung ganoon ba talaga o mahaba at matagal lang talaga ang hapon kaysa gabi at umaga.  Kadalasan ay nilulunod ko ang sarili ko sa pagsusulat. Pero kapag hindi nakikisama ang utak ko sa tanging bagay na alam kong gawin ay nasa sulok lang ako ng bahay at tahimik na umiiyak habang nilalabanan ang kagustuhan kong gumawa ng masama sa sarili ko. Ang hirap mabuhay pero nandito parin ako. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung bakit nandito parin ako. 
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CHAPTER FOUR
Nabalik ako sa kasalukuyan nang may kumatok sa pinto. Mabilis kong pinahid ang luha ko at inayos ang buhok ko. Yes, I am miserable. But I don't want to look miserable in front of other people. The least thing I want right now is their pity.  Pagbukas ko ay tumambad sa akin ang kapit bahay kong si Monica. And she is wearing her weird high heels once again. She is known as the antagonist of Route 88. Lahat ay hindi siya matagalan. Lahat ay sinisinghalan niya. Parati siyang iritable na minsan ay hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya ganoon. Mataray siya. I guess that is who she is.  And I didn't mind that. Lalo na't wala naman kaming kinalaman sa isa't isa.  Lumunok ako at iniwas ang tingin ko sa kaniya. Another thing that I hate about myself is that I can't look straight in the eye of anyone whom I was talking to. Bagay na hindi ko talaga kayang i work on sa sarili ko kahit ilang bese
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CHAPTER FIVE
Nasa harap na ako ng bahay nang mamataan kong papalabas si Marcio. As usual, he is wearing all black and eyeliner all over his eyes. Mukha itong kultong aattend ng daily session. Iniwas ko ang tingin ko dahil hindi siya magandang tanawin. Para siyang nababalutan ng itim na aura at lahat ng titingin sa kaniya ay magiging kasapi nito.  "Hoy!" si Marcio. "Gusto mo raw akong makausap?"  Dahan dahan ko siyang nilingon. Ito kasi ‘yong klase ng tao na hindi mo puwedeng isnabin. Gustuhin mo man ay baka manganib lang ang buhay mo. "Ah oo… noong isang araw."  Hindi ito sumagot kaya nagpatuloy ako. "Papakiusapan lang sana kita na hinaan mo ang music mo."  "Bakit?! Naririndi ka?"  Sometimes I am convinced that he is some kind of a member of a cult or a mafia. Wala yatang araw na hindi ito nag aangas at nananakot. N
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CHAPTER SIX
I don't like bars. Sa makatuwid, mga establishementong pampubliko. Ayokong nasa matataong lugar. But now, I have no choice but to be in a room full of drunk people. Kanina pa sumasakit ang ulo ko sa iba't ibang ilaw na kumukuti-kutitap at sa malakas na musika na sisira na yata ng ribcage at eardrums ko. Bakit nga ba ako nandito? At bakit ko nga ba ginagawa 'to? I bit my lips in annoyance. Dapat ganitong oras ay nagkakampo na ako sa kuwarto ko at natutulog o 'di kaya ay nagsusulat ng kung ano ano. Hindi ko alam kung anong sumapi sa akin at sinunuod ko ang suhestiyon ni Syria. I have never been so desperate, ngayon lang. At ngayon lang din nag sink in sa akin ang pabigla bigla kong desisyon. But Harken is here. And I need to do the love letter as soon as possible. Kung patatagalin ko lang ay mas lalong lalala ang anxiety na idinudulot sa akin ng pabor ni Monica.Umupo ako sa tagong parte at tahimik na nagmasid. Hindi ko pa nakikita si Harken. Ang sabi s
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CHAPTER SEVEN
Alam kong si Harken ang sadya ko kung bakit ako nagpunta sa bar na iyon noong nakaraang gabi. Pero hanggang ngayon ay hindi parin matanggap ng utak ko na pinatulan ko talaga ang desperation ko para makagawa ng love letter. Nakatitig lang ako sa beige paper na balak kong sulatan ng mga salitang gagawin ko dahil kailangan ko at hindi dahil gusto ko. But even if I need to, creativity doesn't cooperate with me. My creative side becomes more potent when harnessed for a purpose. A personal purpose that will move me in a bigger way to impact my boring life into something useful and satisfying. Pero ang gawin ito para sa ibang tao ay parang mahirap simulan.Nangalumbaba na lang ako dahil pinanghihinaan na ako ng loob. Ito talaga ang ayaw ko kapag mayroong responsibilidad na nakaatang sa akin. I have this heightened tension feeling if I didn't yet accomplish or achieve something. Feeling ko palaging doble ang pagtibok ng puso ko kada segundo at ang bilis kong mag panic. 
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CHAPTER EIGHT
"Salamat sa pagpapatuloy mo sa akin dito," Harken says and looks around my house. "Ang aliwalas ng bahay mo."Tahimik akong ngumiti. Hindi ko naman maaaring sabihin na ang sinasabi niyang maaliwalas na bahay ay maraming ibinigay sa aking sama ng loob. But on the good side, I am glad that he knows how to appreciate someone's home. That is a good way to start a conversation."Uhh…," I tried to say something interesting but my brain doesn't cooperate with me. "Take a seat?" I motioned him to sit on the chair in front of the dining table. He comfortably sat and look around again. I know I shouldn't care what he thinks, but I am really conscious about the fact that my house is not ready for a visitor yet. Hindi naman makalat ang bahay ko. Sadyang wala lang talagang buhay at saka wala akong masiyadong gamit dahil itinapon ko na ang mga bagay na nakapagpapaalala sa akin sa nakaraan. First-time kong magpatuloy ng tao sa bahay ko kaya hindi
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CHAPTER NINE
We arrive at the mall after about one hour of driving. 'I missed the mall.'  My first thought when we arrived. It's been a long time since I stepped into this big and wide mall near San Madrid, which is the town where you can find Route 88. I honestly like to hang out with myself in the mall but lately, my money is hindering me from doing so. My salary is just fine to secure my primary bills like electricity, water, groceries, and a wifi subscription. Only when I have spare money, I go to the mall to breathe.Honestly speaking, based on my own perspective, introverts like me really love to be in a place without anyone with them but will need someone when it involves and needed to talk to other people on our behalf. It's like having a representative to talk about things that we cannot say alone. But in the end, I am still alone and I need to speak or else I will be in trouble for not asking. Kahit hirap na hirap ako ay sinisikap kong labanan ang malakas na tibok ng
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CHAPTER TEN
My dearest Harken,I hope you will take the time to read this letter until the very end. I don't have the courage to introduce myself to you. Not yet. I am still gathering some courage and I hope you are interested to know who I am…Mariing binura ni Hendell ang itinipa niyang sulat para kay Harken. Napakamot siya ng ulo habang pinagmamasdan ang nakasabit na kalendaryo. Pakiramdam niya ay mauubusan na siya ng oras kahit wala namang ibinigay na palugit si Monica kung kailan niya dapat tapusin ang pinapagawa nitong love letter. Pero kahit na ganoon ay kailangan niya pa rin na magmadali. Baka isang araw ay biglang sumulpot si Monica at bulyawan siya kapag nalaman nitong wala pa siyang nagagawa kahit dalawang paragraph.Eh kasi naman! Ang hirap talaga ng ipinapagawa nito. Oo nga't nakasama niya si Harken sa mall at sa cliff noong nakaraang araw, but that doesn't mean na magkakaroon na kaagad siya ng idea kung paano gawing makatotohanan ang l
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