"Ellie." My eyes started to water at nanginginig na din ang boses ko. "Ano na lang ang mangyayari pag nagkita sila ng anak ko!"
"Yan din ang unang pumasok sa utak ko nung makita ko ang hayop na iyon Cass... pero alam naman natin na pwede itong mangyari di ba? Anong... anong plano mo?"
"I..." Ano nga bang magagawa ko? Ano bang gusto kong mangyari? All I know is our paths can't cross right now. "I don't want to see him."
Punung-puno ng takot ang buong systema ko. Hindi ko na talaga alam. Tama na iyong ako ang nasaktan. Tama na iyong ako ang iniwan. I won't let the same thing happen to my son.
"Alam ko Cass. Wag kang mag-alala. You have my full support pero-" she rolled her eyes nang marinig ang phone niya na nagri-ring. She took a glimpse at the caller bago sinagot ito sa harap ko. "Yes?" walang ganang sagot nito. She sighed a soundless one and answered the phone again. "Yes, Sir?"Ellie corrected as she made faces while the other line's probably talking. Siguro ay si Troy ang kausap nito. "Okay. I'll be there in 20 minutes."
"Hinahanap ka na ata ng pinakamamahal mong boss."
Iniripan niya lang ako habang inaayos ang damit niya. "Kahit kailan talaga ang gago niya. He is a great boss but I know how he can be an asshole... most of the time. Di na ako magtataka kung bakit sila naging kaibigan ni the one whose name I'll not mention para iwas malas. Bye, Cass. Di ko man alam kung paano, tutulungan kita."
Nginitian ko siya. because even I, don't even know how to help myself.
The telephone rang, which brought me back to reality. "Ma'am, Rina left a message. She tried calling you, but you're not answering daw po."
"Sige. Salamat." binaba ko ang telepono and looked for my phone sa bag. Doon ko napansing tumawag si Rina, katulong ko sa bahay. Sa sobrang pag-iisip siguro kaya hindi ko napansing tumutunog na pala.
I dialed Rina's number. "Hello?"
"Ah ma'am. Good morning po. Medyo... may problema po dito sa bahay."
"What? What is it?" I screamed. I massaged my temples as I tried to calm myself. "Is Jeremy fine?"
"Okay na po ngayon pero nagkasugat lang po ng maliit."
Walang magagawang mabuti kung masyado akong magpapanic but I hurriedly fixed my things. I am a working mom but I need to check on him right now. Babalik na lang ako mamaya and if I have to, I'll work overtime just so I see him. "Uuwi ako diyan."
Dali-dali kong kinuha ang bag at susi ng kotse ko. I drove as fast as I can and when I reached home, naka-abang agad si Rina sa harap ng bahay.
"Rina, please tell me what happened."
"Nasa park po kasi kami kanina. Umalis po ako sandali para bumili ng pagkain pagbalik ko po, may sugat na po si Jeremy sa noo niya." sagot nito habang naglakad kami papunta sa kwarto ng anak ko.
I was worried kaya mas mabilis akong naglakad. Medyo malaki kasi ang bahay at nasa taas pa ang kwarto niya. Tumigil ako sa kwartong may kulay dark blue na pinto. When I opened the door, I saw my four-year-old son lying on his bed with a pillow on his face.
"Mimi, is that you?" tanong nito habang nakatabon pa rin ang unan sa mukha niya.
"Yes." umupo ako sa kama sa tabi niya. "Now, baby, why don't you face me?"
"Don't want to," he hugged the pillow tighter, and I sighed, looking at how small his hands were.
I slowly removed the pillow. At first ay ayaw pa niyang ipakita ang mukha niya pero di rin niya naman ako kayang pigilian.
Kumunot ang noo ko and my hands automatically touched his face. May sugat nga ito sa mukha at medyo malaki pa.
"What happened, baby?" I asked him as I cupped his cheeks.
He stared at me with his eyes kaya naman napatitig na lang din ako sa kanya. He got my eyes and my curly hair pero namana naman niya sa ama ang labi at ang hugis ng mukha.
"Ayaw pong sabihin ma'am eh." napailing na lang ako. Though I know he only wants to keep me away from worrying, as a mother ay mas mag-aalala ako kapag hindi ko alam kung anong nangyayari sa kanya.
Hinaplos ko ang buhok nito. "Jeremy, I promise I won't be mad. Just... Tell me."
"Mimi..." napangiti ako. Ewan ko ba kung ayaw niya lang akong tawaging mommy o hindi pa niya kayang bigkasin but every time he calls me Mimi, para bang napapangiti ako. "That big boy from the neighborhood keeps on telling me I am alone and that I will have no friends and... that I have no daddy. Di ko naman siya pinansin but he pushed me like that," my heart ached more habang sinasabi niya sa akin ang nangyari. He's not even crying but I know deep inside, he's hurt.
"Don't worry I will talk to them. It's Joseph right?" Siya lang kasi ang batang kapitbahay namin. Ewan ko ba sa batang iyon at parang nakakapagpasaya ata sa kanya ang pangbu-bully. He's just five pero kung manakit ay parang di bata. I don't meddle with others' parenting pero ibang usapan na pag pati anak ko ay nadamay.
Tumango naman siya at umiling din. "Yes. But don't talk to him Mimi. I will just ignore him when I see him."
"But baby, what if he hurts you again?" I cannot let anybody hurt my baby. Kahit sino man sila.
He gave me his sweet smile. He really has this heart-warming smile and yet, he's too young to comfort me like that. "I will be okay Mimi."
"I know it's bad to fight, but when he hurts you, protect yourself, okay?"
"But I'm just little." he pouted again and looked down. Hinawakan ko ang baba niya and lifted his face up but he looked away. "And besides, he is right." mahinang bulong nito.
"About?" May hula na ako kung ano ang sasabihin niya but I want him to share me what his problems are. What are the things on bugging his young and innocent mind?
"About me not having a dad." yumuko ulit ito but this time, I did not lift his face up. Ayaw ko rin kasing makita niya ang mata kong nagbabantang magluha. "I know I have a dad Mimi but I also know he doesn't want me."
Mabilis kong pinunasan ang mata ko. "That's not true, sweetie." I hugged him and I felt him hug me back.
"It's okay Mimi. Because if he doesn't want me, I don't want him too."
I silently cried while hugging my baby. Hindi ko napansin na wala na pala si Rina sa kwarto. Nang tingnan ko ang mukha niya ay napangiti ako ng makatulog na pala siya.
He always seeks for his dad before pero napagod na din ata. Isa lang din naman ang sinasagot ko sa kaniya kapag nagtatanong siya.
That he's gone.
"Oh, crap, Ellie! You scared the shit out of me.""Huy, don't say bad words uy baka marinig iyan ni Baby Jeremy. Ano ba."Muntik na akong masamid sa sinasabi ni Ellie as I held back my laughter, "Excuse me, nabigla lang ako at ikaw itong hindi makontrol ang bunganga pag kaharap yung bata no. Malapit na namin i-donate sa charity laman ng swear jar, thanks to dear aunt Ellie's contribution."Ellie pretended not to hear anything and continued to write some work-related stuff in her notebook. "Hmmm... Kailangan baguhin ang schedule sa Tuesday, magco-coincide sa meeting niya." she got a bit busy for a while, then began talking to me again. "Kamusta na ang cutie little baby boy na si Jeremy?"Bahagya akong napailing sa sinabi niya. Naalala ko kasi ang reaction ng anak ko tuwing sinasabi niya iyan. "You know he hates it when you call him that.""But I love it! Kahit sixteen na siya o kahit ako ay maging lola na, Jeremy will always be my first inaanak and therefore, baby forever." she defende
"Mimi!" Agad na sinalubong ako ng anak ko while planting little kisses on my face.I tickled him kaya naman lumayo ito habang tumatawa. Aw. His laugh is like music in my ear. Bagay na kahit kailan ay hinding hindi ko pagsasawaan. "Little man, why are you still awake?" I placed my hands on my waist. 10 pm na kasi at dapat, kaninang alas otso pa ito natulog."Mimi, my bed is very big without you." he pouted his lips while talking. I just wanna pinch his cheeks and kiss him pero pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. I want him to know that staying late is not going to make a good habit. "Mimi." he hugged my legs while saying Mimi over and over again."Alam mo ba anong oras na?" I said with a serious look on my face. Naka-pout pa rin siya and slowly shook his head."Mimi... I don't know how to read time using the clock."Gusto kong tumawa but just bit my inner cheeks instead. "Well, I'll tell you then. It's so late and all kids your age are now asleep. Next time, if Mimi comes home late, you go to
"Anak... Cassy... Please, don't do this to yourself."Parang kanina lang, ang saya-saya niya nang una akong makita suot ang wedding gown ko. Her eyes were twinkling earlier probably mirroring the happiness in my eyes. Ibang-iba sa mga mata ngayon na namumula na dahil sa sobrang pag-iyak.Pinipigilan ko na lang ang umiyak sa harap nilang lahat dahil hiyang-hiya ako. Wala naman akong ginawang mali pero kinakain ako ng sobrang hiya.I tried to bite my lower lip because I can feel the tears forming in my eyes... Huwag muna ngayon, please. Huwag sa harap ni Mama. "Mama... Give me more time. Maghihintay pa ako. Darating siya. How could he not? This our wedding." I managed to say but I can hear my voice breaking at the end.Inayos ko ang damit ko habang nakaupo sa hagdanan. Hindi na siguro matiis ng mga magulang ko kaya umalis na sila matapos kong makita na kinausap sila ng kaibigan ko.My dress looked so pretty under the sunlight. The beads are sparkling and the tulle looked so white. It is
A week before the wedding...My cheeks were numb from smiling.There were stressful cloudy days concerning the planning part, but now, I can't help but feel the warm heat from the rays of the sun. Mainit nga dito pero napakalinaw naman ng langit. Just like how I feel now that finally, after three long years, I will be Mrs. Tan.Alam kong hindi dito nagtatapos ang istorya namin but I want to enjoy the happy ending of the chapter. We encountered challenges, but we made it through... together.It wasn't that long ago when he secretly sent me those letters. It's too cheesy, and I can still clearly recall Ellie's force smiles whenever she'd see me wonder dreamily who was my secret admirer... but I'm such a romantic fool who believes in love and who deeply appreciates feelings conveyed through written words.I opened my drawer, and my eyes were immediately drawn to our wedding invitation. It was so simple. This was the least stressful part of the planning. Nagkasundo kami ni Jake to keep th