“Are you tired?” my little sister Mina asks me when I yawn for the 5th time in less than 2 minutes. I know this because she has been counting for me, out loud. I just picked her and my little brother up from school. Their school is a 15-minute bus ride from my school, I could walk but taking the bus means I get there faster and I will have more time before I have to go to work. And then the three of us have to walk home from their school.
I’ve been doing this for the last six months and I can feel my body fighting me. But what other choice do I have? If I don’t work, my siblings and I can’t eat. And if I don’t take care of them no one will.
My mother went missing again, she’s been missing for three months now, leaving me to take care of the three of us.
Don’t ask me where she disappeared to because I don’t know. I learned to stop looking for her a long time ago.
All I think about now is making sure that these two are safe, warm and fed.
This is the life I know, she’s been disappearing on me since I was a kid. I had to learn how to take care of myself from a very young age. It was easier when it was just me because I just had to worry about myself.When she brought Mina home, I knew I had to protect her and I have been doing so for the last 7 years. Jon was born 2 years after Mina and I am all they have!
“Yes I am tired” I answer after another yawn.“You should skip work today and sleep” she proclaims as we walk out of the primary school yard and head home.“You know what, I think you have the right idea” I muse out loud. I could call in sick and just sleep and never wake up.
“Leo, look” Jon says stopping and pointing to a car.” It’s a Ferrari” he says and jumps up and down. Jon is obsessed with sports cars. He’s one of those kids that can name every supercar out there.“I know and it’s your favourite colour too,” I say smiling hard. I love these moments with them. I get to forget for a moment what I need to do and just talk to them.
“Yeah Burnt orange” he says gleefully. The car zooms past us and we watch it disappear down the road and then we start walking again. “ I’m going to drive one of those one day” he declares with confidence.What five-year-old likes the colour burnt orange.“ I hope you’ll give me a ride when you do” I say remembering a time when I was that young and hopeful. I want to protect that innocence in them, I want their dreams to come true. That’s why I work so hard.I work so that they will never have to go to sleep hungry like I did when I was a kid. Granted I can only do so much but I know we have a place to stay and food to eat. The rest will figure itself out.
We walk the rest of the way in silence, I run through what I need to get done today in my head. Laundry, and homework for everyone, I also need to get these two fed, bathe them and then get them to their babysitter. And then I need to get to work.I sigh thinking about all of that. I could take a power nap when I get home, a quick 30 minutes to shake off the tiredness.When we get home I let the kids in and walk to bed and just stare at it. I know if I get on it I won’t get up. I know it in my heart that I’m going to oversleep.
I put my school bag down and headed to the kitchen. I make us PB and J sandwiches and eat quickly. I don’t want to sit down for too long. I head to the bedroom and get the dirty laundry together.
I head out to the Laundromat in the apartment complex. I get all the whites in the machine and sit down, I feel my eyes close the moment I hear the machine start running. I open my eyes and blink hard.
“ Let me set an alarm,” I say out loud. I set the alarm and close my eyes. I need to take a nap or I won’t be able to work today. A 15-minute power nap will have to do.
Later that night at workI work at the only late-night grocery store in the suburbs of Pretoria. It’s a new thing Mr Brown the store owner is trying. South Africa is not used to 24-hour walk-in stores. We have fast food drive-throughs and 24-hour filling stations but not actual stores that have more than the odd cold drink.
I am 1 of his 10 employees, I am the youngest but the hardest working. I am glad Mr Brown gave me this job in the first place. The pay takes care of the rent, food and utilities. And my weekend job takes care of the rest of our needs.
“Leo, can you help me with these boxes back here? ” Mr Brown calls out to me from his back office. Today is a bit slow, so I am sweeping the whole shop floor to pass the time. Plus it means that we have less to do at closing time.“Yes, I’ll be right there” I call out. I Sweep up the dirt and carry it out to the trash bin.
“ I just need to get these cleaning supplies to the store room,” he says and points to a mountain of boxes stacked in the corner of his office.“Cool,” I say reaching for the boxes.
“How are you holding up?” he asks Mr after a moment.
“ I’m doing good” I answer immediately feeling uncomfortable. I hate talking about anything outside of work with Mr Brown because he almost always asks about my mother.
“ Good. How are the kids?”
“ They’re good too,” I say not really knowing what to say
“ Good. Have you heard from your mother?” he asks finally getting to his primary question.
“No”
“Have the police said anything?” he asks his brow furrowed. He’s worried about her. I want to tell him not to bother but I don’t.
Mr Brown knows my mother from way back when she was a kid. She used to work for him in this same store back when it was old-fashioned and not all “organic and free range”. So it’s completely understandable why he would be worried. He knows her more than I do.
“ No, they haven’t said anything since the initial docket was opened.
I get home around 1 am in the morning. I walk to the babysitter's apartment. I know she’s asleep and she probably doesn’t mind keeping Mina and Jon over night but I would rather have them wake up with me than have to go get them from the babysitter in the morning. I knock at her door and wait. I knock again after a moment and I hear her walk to the door. She opens it and looks at me sleepily. “Hi Sophia sorry for waking you up” I say when she finally looks like she has her eyes focused on me. “No, don’t apologize. Come in” she says and lets me in. I get into her apartment and head to the bedroom I know the kids are sleeping. I get Jon out of bed first and then Sophia gets Mina for me. I thank her and head to our apartment with both of them in my arms. They’re so heavy but I’m too tired to make two trips to go get them. I use the last bit of strength I have to get them to bed. I quickly get all of us in bed, in the dark. I don’t want to turn on the lights or even think about taking
19:00 Mooikloof, Pretoria “Wow” Gina exclaims next to me when we get Amara’s house. The driveway is lined with large pink balloons. The front doorway is decorated with pink roses. The grass has been spray painted pink as well. It’s like someone came and dropped a large pink paint ball in her front yard. And it stained everything. I love it! I know I will never be able to convince my parents to throw me a birthday party like this. They love me but not this much. “Wow is right” I say when I we get out of the car. They even have valet. I hand my keys to the guy and he gives me a card. “I mean, I knew Amara’s parents were loaded but this is next level loaded.” Gina says looking around uncomfortable. She fiddles with her dress, trying to fix it. I feel her anxiety creeping toward me and I don’t like it. I feel off enough, I don’t need her emotions. “Why are you surprised? We’ve been here before.” I say confused by her reaction. She’s been to Amara’s house before, why does she look
Sundays are my self-care/ self love days. That means no boyfriends, no commitments and most definitely no best friends. It is a day all about me, for me; I take the day to do what I want to do. I do what makes me happy.That can be anything from taking a long nap, to getting my nails done or going people watching in the park.Today I am going on a solo picnic date. I have my grilled chicken and ham sandwiches packed, in my basket. I also have a nice fruit bowl situation going on. And to drink I have my mother’s famous pink lemonade, all I need is a nice strawberry shake for desert. I love strawberry shakes, I’m not too picky about where I get it, as long as it’s the flavor I like.I am driving to the nearest McDonald’s in my area. The picnic spot I want to go to is 44 minutes from Pretoria. And I don’t want to waste time driving around Pretoria. I am going to Bronkhorspruit Dam for my solo date, I’m so excited. It’
LeoI walk on the school property not really ready to get into the grind of the coming week. I am tired as usual, it’s a miracle I woke up this morning.. I get to the parking lot where all the popular kids hang out. Their car doors open and music blasting from their speakers. I know if I look straight ahead I’ll see Golden. She’s with her friends leaningZach’s words filter into my head uninvited. I look straight ahead and Golden is looking in my direction. I quickly look down my heart in my throat. I look behind me maybe there’s someone there, a bunch of 8th graders are leaning on a wall. But they are not looking in her direction, they are staring at a phone.I look back up at Golden and she’s still looking at me. I look away and take deep breaths. Was she looking at me? Why would she be looking at me? Am I tripping?I need to get my head straight there’s no way in hell Gol
Golden “What was that all about?” Amara asks, me when I walk back to them. “Nothing” I say hoping she’ll let it go. “That didn’t look like nothing” She says looking at Leo and his friends. She has this disgusted look on her face. She always makes that face when she feels someone is beneath her as if she has the authority that decides who is worthy. It’s been like this since eighth grade. She would pick on the less fortunate kids because she was born rich. The older we get the older her attitude gets. Or am I getting old? I’m realizing I have less tolerance for her nasty side with each passing day. “This is about me and I say it’s nothing. Will you let it go please.” I say looking at her straight in the her eyes so she knows I’m serious. “Well, I’m just looking out for you. I don’t think Cole would like it if he saw you talking to boys like that.” She says pointing to Zach. I feel myself getting angry all over again why should Cole decide who I talk to? He’s not my keeper. “Let
I watch Mina walk toward us her interest peaked. Her eyes are focused on Golden; she walks next to me and looks at me for a long time. As if she’s asking me what the hell bro? She sits down next to me and looks at Golden for even longer. I can see her little mind working over time. I open my mouth to say something but she beats me to it. “Who are you?” she asks Golden still looking at her intently. “I’m Golden.” Golden says extending her hand to Mina. My little sister looks at her hand and then she looks at me. I smile and she looks back at Golden’s offered hand. She looks Golden in the eyes and then finally decides to accept her hand shake. “I’m Mina.” She says. “Nice to meet you.” Golden says looking unfazed. “How do you know my brother?” Mina asks still curious. “We go to the same school.” Golden says looking intently at Mina. I guess she’s not backing down. “Okay” Mina says and then turns to me. “I’m going back to play.” She declares, she waits for me to nod and then she’
Golden I’m sitting with Cole and his friends at a park; we’re just lying around doing nothing really. Everyone is listening to one of Cole’s stories. He’s the center of attention, where he likes to be. Everyone is so engrossed in whatever he’s saying not really contributing anything. I have nothing against him being in the center, it’s just that it’s gotten so old. This is all we do, sit and listen. I tune out thinking about where I really want to be. It’s been about a month since I spent time with Leo and his crew. I wish we could hang out with his siblings and Zach again. Mina and Jon are barely old enough to spell their names but they have more fun than this lot. There really is magic in being a child, maybe that’s why I’m drawn to Zach. He has this fun free spirited, child like quality about him. He doesn’t mind being dumb. Why do I want to spend time with Leo? He seems so mature. I like he doesn’t feel the need to speak just because. He’s comfortable with silence; we live in
I can’t believe Golden is standing in my house, in the same kitchen I make myself food. I see her here but my brain can’t make sense of it. After we had ice cream she walked with us back here. I told her a it’s a long walk hoping she’ll change her mind and go home instead but no. The whole time we were walking I was in my head trying to figure out what’s happening, why does she want to be here with me? I figured maybe she’s curious, a fact that makes me uncomfortable. I wonder if she’s trying to get close to me, find out all she can about me and then expose me to the whole school. I feel like I’m being too trusting, she shouldn’t be here. But there isn’t much I can do now, she’s here. Looking around my house. “We’re going to play.” Mina says already pulling Jon to the door. She doesn’t wait for me to say if they can go or not. “Only for a little while.” I say behind them as they slam the door shut. I move from the kitchen to the bedroom window. From there I can watch the kids play