Chapter 4

“Mommy! wake up I want to play!”

“Casey be quit let mommy sleep come downstairs”

“But Daddy, I want mommy to play with me”

“Not today, moms not feeling good today let her sleep”

I can hear the door close slowly as I start to open my eyes. The room is dark. The blackout curtains keep the sunlight out and today I’m so glad that they do. My body feels like it has been run over by a train. I try to turn over in bed and it hurts so bad that a moan escapes my mouth. I don’t know how long I laid there. I didn’t care, I wished that I would die right there and never have to live another day in this place. I feel horrible and could not see anyway out of this situation but death. I finally force my body out of bed and into the master bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I examine the extent of the visible injuries. I notice the swelling on the left side of my face immediately. My eye has turned black, and my lip is busted open. Well, I’ll be in the house for at least a couple days until makeup will cover what needs to be covered.  I couldn’t move, I stood there and stared at myself not knowing what to do. I was able to finally take my clothes off and step into the hot shower water. I did not dare take a bath because I don’t think I would have been able to get up if I laid in a bath. I let the water run over my body as I let my head lay on the wall. Closing my eyes, I tried to relax. All at once, the tears came. I couldn’t stop, I had so much inside of me and it all wanted out. I stayed there for a long time just letting the sound of the water hide my sobbing from the world. When I got out, I noticed that my eyes were now puffy along with being injured. I am a mess and I’m too tired and emotionally drained to care. After wrapping a towel around myself I make my way to the bedroom. Sitting on the table next to the bed is a vase with beautiful red roses, a tray with food on it and a pill which I assume is a Vicodin to help with my pain. I go to my purse and pull the other pain pill that I have been saving out. I grab the glass of water that is on the tray and use it to swallow both pills at the same time. Going to the closet I grab a pair of sweatpants and a baggy tee shirt and slowly put them on. I switch the television on and curl up in a ball in the middle of the bed waiting for the pills to take effect. Although I try to clear my mind and not think about the events of the previous night, they keep flooding my brain. I think about Mark and what a piece of shit he truly is to have done what he did. My stomach turns and I flip over to my other side and dig my head into my pillow. I think of Bobby, and what he put me through when we got home. I was so confused when I turned around and realized that I was about to get the shit beat out of me. I was the person who had just been used like a cheap piece of meat because he wanted to show off to his friend. but apparently, I was in the wrong. I deserved to be on the floor being kicked and called a whore because I was a shitty wife and now everybody in his friend group will know what I did, and he is now married to a slut. I am so glad that my little girl spent the night at her grandma’s house last night and that she was not there to see me on the floor begging for forgiveness in order for her father’s brutality to subside. At least she was saved from the trauma that I never seemed to get away from. I have to do something. I can’t continue to live like this. What happens when my baby girl is old enough to realize what is going on? How do I know that he won’t be just as brutal to her when she gets older? I have to find a way to escape, and I have to do it soon. Slowly my mind began to drift off as sleep consumed me. Tomorrow I will make a plan.