I couldn't help but smile while I watched Ludo as she slept. My baby was home… I got her home without any extra injuries or hospital visits. But she now has heavy mental scars that will take a long time to heal from… I just wish I could have protected her from it better.   Thinking back on the entire 24 hours made my nose burn. It was so stressful and scary…    Why? Why her?   Hot tears threatened to fall out of my eyes and I decided to let them free… I've been fighting this feeling all day… I'm done fighting it. I just want to get it out of my system because I feel overwhelmed…   And like a failure.   My quiet stream of tears started

My body had a terrible aching pain all over. So much so that I woke up in tears. I would have looked for some pills and gone back to bed but when I looked where I last saw Grey he wasn't there… I took a second to look around before standing and found him in the fetal position beside my side of the bed. So of course I got up and consoled him. Standing up from the bed hurt a lot… I couldn't quite remember why my hips hurt so bad.   I ignored the pain in my legs and wrapped my arms around him which also stung… I was becoming slightly distracted by all the pain so I absentmindedly reassured him while I tried to wrap my brain around what was going on with my body… When I noticed it wasn't working I focused on him and made sure he felt okay… He started to cry harder but it felt different, it didn't feel like he was crying because he was sad anymore but just in case I stayed close and rubbed his bac

My eyes fluttered open and then squinted due to the bright white hospital lights. The nurse awkwardly smiled at me as I turned to stare at her, watching as she switched my iv-drip bag. She then silently left asking me if I wanted the light on. “No thank you, please turn the light off.” She just nodded and politely left… But I wasn’t alone… I could feel it. “...” Gray was staring at me angrily, his jaw twitching while he carefully thought of the words he wanted to say. I knew I was in trouble; he’s never looked at me like that before. “Are you… Are you alright?” I could hear him swallowing his anger while he spoke. “Um… I, I guess.” He rolled his eyes and nodded, taking the moment to break eye contact.

I woke up the next morning with the sex toys still on the bed a scenario that has been happening very frequently but normally I put them away. I guess I was too tired to put them away. A strange wave of guilt and sadness washed over me and slowly ate away at me. I left him. I- I let him get arrested after all of the times he saved me and helped me get out of the very same situation. I have to get him out… I need to save him. I need to tell him how I feel. There's no way he could still be angry right? I retrieved my bookbag and threw everything into it. Then I reached over to the remote and turned on the tv. I just needed to know the temperature… So, I went to the bathroom while I waited for the weather segment. That's when I

Ludo had just left, and I couldn't help but feel useless. While she was in the hospital and after she returned from the hospital, small, unexpected touches make her jump, and Any mention of those who have caused harm to her, and she becomes cold and bitter. She feels so distant but when her brief glances at me turn into longing stares I can tell she wants to be the way she was before the tragedies. I notice that I’m constantly stopping myself from touching her, I never realized I did it so much. But I've been giving her plenty of time to shy away before each touch and giving her the option to be held or touched if and when she wants it… but watching her freeze up or randomly start to cry has been destroying me. I want her to be comfortable and happy when she's with me, but I've been feeling so confused.