I see Ryan and Carter stand up from the middle of the meditation path and begin folding blankets.  Ryan often goes to the path when she is upset, so it doesn’t surprise me that she is there.  And that Carter is there with her. Damn, I really screwed up.  I shouldn’t have yelled at her.  I shouldn’t have brought this up at all.  Lisa is completely right.  Joyce and I are expecting Ryan to come to us with everything that hurts and that we can help her.  Just like when I used to kiss her cuts and scrapes as a child.  But that isn’t how this works.  I have to accept it.  I have to do the work. Joyce steps out of the office and next to me on the porch.  She had been with the receptionist, making an appointment with our therapist.

After we get back to Ryan’s house, Ryan and I set ourselves up at the table to go through the work that we missed on Monday and Tuesday.  It isn’t too much and we finish within a few hours.  I asked Ryan if she wants to start working on her impact statement, but she says she needs some time before she starts. “Maybe I’ll do it with Lisa in our session next week,” Ryan says. “Ok,” I eye her when she’s not looking.  She seems to be feeling a lot better, all things considering, but I can tell that she’s avoiding dealing with this.  Hell, I would too, so I get it. “Hey, Ryan and Carter,” Mrs. Miller says, walking into the kitchen.  “You have been stuck in the house for the l

Last night was probably the best night of my life.  Ryan told me she loved me.  I don’t really remember anything that happened at school today, except for Band and lunch when I was with Ryan. I feel giddy.  It’s crazy how Ryan has come to mean so much to me in such a short period of time.  All I want to do is be with Ryan right now, but I promised that I would go paintballing with the guys (plus Jaime), so here I am. We are out in the woods at a range in the next town over.  We gear up by our cars.  I don’t think people realize how much padding you need to wear in order to play paintball.  Those fuckers hurt and leave huge bruises and welts on your skin.  You remember that line from the movie A Chri

 On Saturday, Ryan and I go with Patrick, Ayo, and Jess to see Fight Club. It’s just as epic as it was the first time. “Holy fuck!” Patrick yells as the credits close and the lights are brought up in the theater.  He, Ayo, and Jess are stunned. “That was the BEST MOVIE EVER!” Ayo yells back at Patrick and the two of them high-five.  They really do belong together. “I was not prepared for the car-sized dick on the screen,” Jess says, flatly. I laugh out loud and Ryan joins me. As we walk out the door of the the

It’s Thursday.  I haven’t heard from Carter and I’m spiraling.  I’ve lost him.  My shit was too much for him to deal with and he doesn’t want me anymore.  I told him that I love him, but it still isn’t enough.  He doesn’t want me anymore. I walk around like a zombie.  I’ve gone to school, done my piano lesson, even went to see Lisa, but I really don’t remember anything.  I feel...heartbroken. Carter hasn’t been to school all week.  I asked Jake and Lucas hasn’t been to school either.  Carter isn’t answering my phone calls.  He didn’t reply to my note.  It’s almost like he’s a ghost and just went...poof. I know that something bad has happened