When Edmund comes for me at eleven every emotion has raced through me a dozen times already. The act of love I commit with Fitz would be forever polluted and tainted should Edmund insist. My feet unsteady as we walked along the corridor. He doesn’t say a word but his anger is apparent. The rap of his cane is sharper, hitting the floor harder than ever. I dare not ask how his trip proceeded. My tongue is so tied that when he opens the door my heart does not even flutter. Fear consumes me despite being only metres away from Fitz. He is stood, white shirt and tan breeches again, his blue and gold uniform dispensed with. His ashy brown hair is trimmed back, some curls still visible and I have an overwhelming urge to run my hands through it. I wear my white cotton nightgown and purple silk robe as before. My hair in loose curls, the tight, ringlet forming wraps of cotton usually used by Marie rejected this evening. She understood why, nodding, with a soft, “I shall be praying for you You

“No please!” I cried, leaping from the bed and chasing him to the door, “no please Fitz, you can’t!” He was like steel, inflexible despite my tugging at his arms he continued towards the handle. “Do not be like him. You are the better man, the man I love.” “He laid his hands on you! You are asking me about whipping and beating, how can I live with myself if I do not keep you safe from such a monster!” “Because my life cannot continue without you! You kill him and I lose you forever!” continuing to grab at his shirt, desperately trying to make him listen. I wedged myself between Fitz and the door, pushing my weight against it. His huge frame towered over me, frustration oozing from every pore. “Vanessa…” his voice trailing off as my hands raked up and down his chest, trying to soothe him. His whole body was as tense as steel. “It was once, years ago, please don’t leave me.” “I’m not leaving you, I’m trying to look after you,” he replied grittily. I placed my hands softly against h

The sound of relentless banging and hammering led me to wander down the corridor to the most rarely visited room in Tarrick Hall, Edmunds bedroom suite. I had never dared go near after our honeymoon. The few times I had wandered to enquire about his shouts of pain had left me banished without setting foot over the threshold. Now the double mahogany doors were wide open. Royal blue patterned rugs covered the wooden floor. A huge dark, almost blackened wood four poster bed dominated the room. It was of a similar size to my own suite much further away, however this was dominated by medicine. White jackets with belts and straps were hung up over leather armchairs. Medicine bottles, metal pill cases and bloodletting equipment littered the desk by the window. There was a chemical smell, no flowers or comforts adorned the space. Even his bed lacked comfortable pillows and rich, warm sheets. It was simply a large mattress with a simple sheet. I wondered if the flatness was to aid his ba

I have been at my mother’s estate for over two weeks. Feigning illness I have been spared the worst of her cruel tongue though I cannot doubt she spotted the bruise on my cheek as I stepped down from the carriage. Jeremiah prepared the carriage, Fitz was elsewhere when I left. I wished I had the chance to leave a note, or explain but there was nothing to do but flee. I trusted servant gossip would soon inform him of the situation. There is nothing so likely to fuel their tongues than clearing up a mess. I am here to rest my wearied mind, I explained to mother and Kitty. I am hoping to conceive, and Edmund suggested a change of scene might help to relax me. It is a lie of course. We all know it, but it remains unspoken. In loose fitting lilac and pink day gowns I spent entire days in my mother’s cold blue parlour. Icy tones dominate. From the grey of her hair to the pearls she dons everything shimmers coldly. Kitty remains a diversion. She has kindly spent hours at my side reading, c

It is already the end of November, autumn has given way to a chill and miserable winter. It suits my bereft attitude entirely. Four weeks since Fitz left without trace. I know he had to but it didn’t stop me raking through my room looking for any kind of token. A single petal would have left me content but nothing. It was impossible to expect such miracles. I know he was asked to leave straight away from Edmunds office. To direct himself to an entirely different wing or floor to access my room or parlour would be unthinkable. Yet I am sad. Thankfully my pregnancy is very much confirmed. Nobody else knows. The servants of course may gossip, Marie is under the strictest confidence. Even Doctor Farrers has not attended to me. Not because Edmund is worried the pregnancy might founder, but because he wants to land with a splash in the gossip pages. He publicly derides their puerile gossip, yet I have seen his extensive, lurid collection to know he would most likely adore his name to app