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I’m the one
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37 Days Emotionally released
POVMillieThree years of pent-up frustration and despair were just released. I couldn’t hold it in for a second longer as it was boiling over uncontrollably, spewing like a volcano and the pressure has finally been set free. Steph has tears falling rapidly from her eyes as mine have stopped. My heart is still going a mile a minute from my breakdown, I inhale and exhale the warm California air into my lungs as I feeling a weight has been lifted. “Okay, I’m done,” I say to Steph. She doesn’t say anything, just grabs onto me tightly and cries. “I’m sorry you felt this way in solidarity Emily, I’m so sorry, I should’ve been there for you more,” She sobs. “No Steph, I did this to myself, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I explain, now consoling her, the two of us are an actual train wreck. Steph wipes away her tears, “so now what?” She asks shrugging her shoulders. “Well for starters, I need a new phone,” I laugh, surprising myself. “Yeah, I’ll say,” Steph says rolling her eye
37 Days Perspectives
POV Millie “Hey, Steph? I’m going to go see my old neighbors in about an hour,” I say handing her phone back to her. “Okay, sure. I think I’ll drop by my parent's house while you do that then.” She explains. I nod my head. Ugh, I have nothing here! All of my stuff is still in the penthouse. I guess I’ll have to go there in my current messy state. …After about 45 minutes of sitting mostly in silence with Steph in the hotel room, I decide it’s time to head out. We both walk down together to the cars. I point to the car that Steph walks to, “Um, whose car is that..?” I ask.“Mia’s,” she says proudly. “She knows what happened?” I ask. Steph shakes her head, “no.” …I drive to my old apartment complex, making it there within ten minutes. It’s incredible really, a few weeks ago I hated this place and loved driving away from it with the intent of never returning. As I drive into the complex parking lot, it really doesn’t seem so bad. Perspective. Perspective is everything, so
37 Days Beat me to it
POVMillie I arrive back at the hotel room just after 6 pm and Steph isn’t back yet. I’m all alone again and with each passing minute without a distraction, I’m missing him. It’s been 14 hours since I walked in on the most horrific scene. I hate that I miss someone who dares to do that to me. I replay some of the events in my head as I lay myself on the queen bed looking up at the white popcorn ceiling. I love you He actually told me he loves me, it was the very worst situation to tell someone you love them especially when your actions contradict your words. Do I believe he loves me? Yeah..maybe..Do I think he genuinely wanted to fuck Aspen? I don’t know, not really but clearly this deal meant more to him than me. Do I believe we can move past this one day? No, and that self conformation hurts like a bitch. Although X is still alive, he may as well be dead. We will not talk anymore, we will not see each other, hug, kiss, or share each other’s bodies again. Oh god. That part wa
37 Days The napkin
POV Millie I sit myself down cross-legged on the soft green grass. I set my less-than-impressive bouquet of flowers down next to the beautiful white roses. I’m in absolute awe right now by whoever did this for my mom, she totally deserves it. The beautiful scenery is a perfect way to tell my mom what I came here to say. “Mom?” I say as my voice breaks, great…I’ve gotten one single word out and I’m already on the verge of tears again. I take a deep breath and exhale trying to compose myself. “Mom,” I say in a much more composed way. “I need to talk to you about something. I don’t know how to say this but just know I love you okay? Just know I will never forget you and the relationship we had, just know I’m sorry for what I did to you and just know I’ll always carry you with me, but I need to let you go.” I say and the tears come flowing as I knew they would when I said those heart wrench words out loud. “You wouldn’t want this for me. You didn’t give me life so I could stop it
37 Days Mission incomplete
POVXI am just now pulling into the house after my two-hour drive back from San Diego. Earlier this morning, I went to a flower shop and bought some flowers for Millie’s mom. I know Millie will probably never know about the flowers or the note but honestly, it wasn’t for her to see. It was an appreciation to her mother for raising the love of my life. I don’t know where Millie and Stephanie stayed last night or even if they stayed in San Diego last night but I slept in that prick, Ghost’s truck in a nearby parking lot of the cemetery. I was so exhausted from the lack of sleep, drugs, alcohol, driving and just everything this past weekend brought on. My hands are still so fucked up that I need to get Evelyn back over here later to get the rest of the glass out. As soon as I had that camera notification come up on my phone yesterday morning, I booked it out of Julian’s place leaving Evelyn in some serious confusion. By now, Evelyn is used to our antics. She gets paid well to not qu
37 Days And then there’s you
POVX“Mom?” I ask in complete shock. She looks the same, only a little older than I last remembered. “Hi Xavier,” she says, I haven’t heard that voice in twenty years. “Wha..what are you doing here?” I ask. “Can I come in?” She asks looking over my shoulder. I really just want to slam the door in her face and say fuck you but curiosity is getting the better of me. “Uh, okay,” I say moving out of the way so she could come inside. “Wow, look at this place! It’s beautiful.” She says looking around. “And look at you, all grown up and so handsome,” she says touching my forearm. “Yeah…” I say still in a confused state of mind. “We should talk,” she says pointing to my black leather couch. I don’t know what my feelings are right now but I sit down as she suggests. Now that we’re both sitting, she begins to talk, “I’m sorry Xavier,” she says looking down. “I don’t need your sorry’s, it’s a little too late for that,” I say matter of fact. “Fair enough..” she says with her hands
37 Days Someone I used to know
POV Millie I’m finally back in Los Angeles after spending way too much time with myself without enough distractions in the car. I pull up into the motel that I reserved for the next two weeks. I intend to contact my new boss Marlene to see if she’d be willing to take me sooner to start working. Originally, I wanted to take some time for myself, get my ducks in a row, move into my new apartment, take a week, and move things in. Of course, life doesn’t care to go as planned and it’s in my best interest to just start working already. This motel is a dump but it’s only temporary. Luckily, Steph will be staying with me starting tomorrow. I just need to make it another day alone and hopefully not get myself into any trouble with the shady people walking around this place. When I’m finished checking in with the creepy front desk guy, I go find my room. “Room 12,” I say to myself looking at the rusted out number on the door. I get in and oh boy. “It’s only two weeks, it’s only tempora
37 Days But so am I
POVX“Ow!” I say as my head hits the floor and look up to Millie with my sunglasses still on. “Oh..shit! I’m sorry I didn’t know you were sitting against the door,” she say sounding surprisingly too nice. “Umm..I mean, good..you deserved that.” She says more confidently putting her hands on her hips. I inwardly smile to myself. My girl. I sit up rubbing the back of my head on the part that I fell on and take off my sunglasses. “I deserve a lot more than that baby,” I say and she scrunches her eyebrows together. I put my hands up in surrender, “sorry, habit.” I say glumly. Millie crosses her arms over he chest, damn those tanned legs look fucking beautiful from where I’m at. She notices me checking her out, “X…focus.” She says annoyed. I sit my back against the door with my elbows resting on my thighs. I involuntarily bite at my cuticles as a nervous habit and look up to Millie who is staring at my hands. “Jesus Christ X, your hands look awful!” Millie exclaims, although she
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