2.38- Painful Silence

Every moment is painful. He longs for Paraiso. Not just home and the beach and the breeze, but everything out there - so easy and free. He longed to make her laugh, to make her cry with joy, to hold her so close he could feel her breath through his chest wall. His heart aches for her. But he still keeps his distance because his own needs pale in comparison to hers. He won't hurt her anymore.

It hurts his heart to know what he suffered all those years ago because of him. He was a jerk to her. Just thinking about it made him feel a deep, mortifying sense of shame. He's mad at himself, but he's mad at her. He punishes her because he wants her so badly. He pushes her away because he knows he betrayed Carlos and needs her to go and understand the end result of what he said, but he ruined her in the process and he will never forgive himself. It's amazing that she can do that.

As the weekend wore on, he thought about their original agreement, and the fact that she had agreed to it Saturday-